In a nutshell, my fiancé (whom I live with) has been talking to another woman over msn saying things like "we can go to the cinema and hold hands" "you're my sex slave, you have no say in the matter" and saying there's no difference in being alone and being single. He does have some history with this girl and she has a reputation for being a bit of a whore. I had got suspicious of her and asked him if there was anything going on a couple of times but he said there wasn't. He says he did it because every time I was upset about anything he was afraid I'd leave him because I'm too good for him, so he had a "backup" as he put it. He never met up with her though.He's really been trying hard to make this up to me but I'm still struggling to forgive him completely. We have been together a year and found out about this 2 days before our anniversary that it had been going on our entire relationship, which is the hardest aspect to comprehend for me. This past year seemed perfect and then this comes out of the blue, it feels like we've taken 1 step forward and 2 steps back. I want to forgive him, I really do, I just don't know how. We've talked about it as much as we possibly can but I seem to have fallen out of love with him which is killing us both. I feel like there's nothing I can do to bring it back after this. What else can I do?
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How do I learn to forgive him?
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I know that feeling all too well. About 2yrs ago my boyfriend never spent any time w/ me and was always out w/ "friends" then come to find out he was also hanging out with girl's I had no clue about. idk if he cheated but im sure there is a possibility but i def. lost ALL my trust for him. we broke up for 3 months and i decided to give him another chance and he did change. For the past 1 1/2 yrs he has been the best boyfriend I could ask for. he's here for me all the time, tell's me where he's going (which usually i'm included now), and he puts our relationship above anything... So back to ur story, it sounds like he's insecure with himself. And I had the same feeling before I broke up w/ my bf (falling out of love). People can change, but it takes ALOT to forgive them... idk if I've even forgave my bf 100%, I just know I truly love him and want thing's to stay the way they are right now.. If he lied to you during the whole entire relationship about that girl, it will take alot to forgive him. B/c I know it'll be in the back of ur mind everytime ur around him, and its a horrible feeling. But if both of you start working at it, and he can be more honest with u, it will get better. If it can't I would just leave him and the pain he causes you.---Sorry so long
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Originally Posted By: AmyHe says he did it because every time I was upset about anything he was afraid I'd leave him because I'm too good for him, so he had a "backup" as he put it. OK I hate to say stuff like this but this sounds like crap to me.If you did leave him, the first thing on his mind should be "What can I do to fix this?" not "Great, I have a backup, no problem!"It just concerns me that he has prepared himself to move on before anything has even happened. I know that if my girlfriend left me I would do anything I could in my mortal power to win her back - and would be going through a LOT of sorrow at the same time. Irreconilable sorrow. The thought of another woman wouldn't even cross my mind, and wouldn't for a LONG time afterwards, if ever at all.I would be quite concerned about how much he actually values the relationship if he's racking up standby "sex slaves" while-u-wait.The only advice I can give you is to consider how you might make him feel when you are upset. Are you upset often? Do you take it out on him if it's not his fault? The only reason I could imagine he could feel like this is if you are constantly upset and direct it at him.
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Fuck him!!!!
I'd slap him in the cock and tell him to get the fuck out of my face FOR GOOD.
You said it yourself. You've fallen out of love with him.. get out while you still can. Once you're in so deep it will be much harder.
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Drop him.If you've fallen out of love with him, and he's preparing "backups" then get rid, if he were in love with you he wouldn't do that to you.Sorry, didn't mean to come across harsh, just don't want you standing for such rubbish
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You're exactly right!!
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Amy,When your engaged or even real serious about someone their IS NO BACK-UP plan, it's all for that person or NOTHING. I would dump him. Of course there is such a thing called "Forgiveness" which kind of supersedes the "One and only" you have to figure out if he/she is worthy of it and I would say it's a ONE time thing. There's also is an old saying, "Ffoul me once shame on you, foul me twice shame on me" Married for 38 years and at year 21 I was looking at cheating on her, but never did, and never would now. Neither of us have SEXY bodies, but we are both happy with each other.John