I apologise in advance for what I have a feeling will be quite a lengthly post. I don't really have anyone else to say this to, so I thought you guys out there might be willing to listen, or read in this case.Lately, things have been a bit up and down. I feel like I've completely withdrawn into myself, which is quite unusual. In terms of family life, my stepfather has been coming home at all hours of the night/morning drunk. Him and my mom are barely speaking, and when they do, it's just this awful, awful shouting. It was like this over the summer, then things calmed down a little after my mom gave him, shall we say, an ultimatum. I've never really gotten along with him, he hit me when I was younger, I found his porn on the computer last year, and now, with the drinking, he's really malicious towards me. Three years ago he was caught and prosecuted for drink driving a second time, the first time he was caught he was only cautioned. I feel like I'm writing in a diary, I've never really spoken about this with anybody, except for my mom, but that's not going to change anything. Not that this is either, but it's nice to get a fresh perspective.In terms of school, I've buried my nose in books more than ever lately as a form of distraction, I go to the library after school, which leaves me home late meaning I avoid any run-ins with my stepfather. But the time off we had to celebrate Christmas highlighted how bad things were. As a result of this recent bookworming, I've isolated myself a bit from my friends. I know I can patch that up with a phonecall, but the things we do together, going out, going shopping, and constantly discussing their love lives seem so insignificant. Come to think of it, all the little meaningless arguments and complaints people have all seem so insignificant. Sometimes when I'm doing something like watching tv, I think that there are so may more important, worthwhile things to be doing as opposed to watching re-runs of Friends and M.A.S.H. I just feel so unhelpful and a bit like a waste of space.I barely speak to people at school anymore and go to the study hall for lunch hour. I try to avoid the house as much as possible. I try to stay happy on the inside, but I'm just finding it hard to be happy with myself. I'm not being melodramatic or anything but I don't know what to do. Right now, I feel so completely lost.
With the feeling of being a waste of space theres a few things you can do about that (which will also help you stay out of the house). What you could do is enrole in some out of school activities for example a sports team, film club or even your local youth council. If non of these tickle your fancy you could get involved with a voluntary group, if its helping the elderly or working in a charity shop, it will get rid of the feeling of being a waste of space and you not using your time to do good. Also all of those things i've listed will look very good on your Job CV as well.
With the stepfather thing thats a tough one. I think one way to get around that would to try and get your friends to let you sleep over at weekends and in holidays. If you dont want to tell them the real reason you dont have to, for example you can just say you want to get back to being close to them or something like that. So try to get out of the house when its not school days. If he continues to get malicious towards you then as a final straw i would inform the authorities that you are being abused by your drunken stepfather. This should only be the final straw but for your own safety you should be willing to use this if the moment arrises.
I hope this has helped and let me know how it goes.
Thanks for the reply Hawk. I wasn't really clear, I see now when I was writing. I meant that when I was younger he did hit and stuff but now it's more verbal. I know I know, sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me. Some of the things he says are so awful though. I like that idea of a charity shop, so thanks for that! I used to volunteer at the local old folks home, but it shut down. My shining light is going as far away as possible to college next year. Hopefully he'll clean up his act before then though. Thanks again. smiles
Hey sunshine,It may "only" be verbal abuse (your words) but those words can still hurt and have an adverse effect on you whether or whether not you intend to let them. I know it's a different set of circumstances, but I went out with someone once who just abused me verbally all the time, giving me these little put downs, and never letting me feel good... it was so hard to break up with her, cuz I'd let it get to the point where I really did think I was worthless and couldn't find anyone else... my advice is don't let it get to this point, a last resort it may be, but it is a step you should consider because even if your mum doesn't realise it surely she must be suffering through his actions also. You can ring anonymously and report things to various authorities if you wish, there is no need to identify yourself, everything has to be investigated that gets reported, so I personally think that it's a very good option!Remember though, you do have friends who are willing to be there for you, so as has already been said, try to stay close with them... when times seem toughest, that's when you need your friends the most