Just wondering

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what is the usual first sign of realizing you're gay? I have a friend who is going through this problem. he confided in me, I'm straight, I didn't really know what to say. and I know there must be a few different feelings and thoughts that goes through one's head so I was just wondering.

obviously, im not gay, but making an assumption.

firstly he'd probably notice his fondness for the male body,
maybe, act a little more feminine depending on his stature.
also, sexual contact with women might not a appeal to him.

lol, cosmo magazines? idk. lmao. that one was a joke, but chea. ask him if he feels that way, honestly a gay guy could help alot more than i can...

well, the first and most obvious one might be the attraction to males/the male body. but what you might want to ask him is about the psychological aspect. see, i know a lot of this, because i think im starting to go through this too, and one of my friends has been helping me mill it over; she has had many friends confide in her about being gay or bi.anyway, back on topic, ask them if they think or know if they can have an emotional relationship with a guy or girl, that way, you know that they can love them, and it isn't just a desire of boinkage, .then, something else I've come across, OldFolks might've suggested it...i can't exactly remember, but ask them the same thing they see and desire in men/women, they also like in women/men, if that makes sense to you. like brown hair on girls looks equally as good to them on guys, etc...so maybe try those questions first, some of these things have worked for me before, they're actually pretty good "tests", although, I'm conflicted this time, but that's a story for another thread...yeah, thank god for Firefox's spell check, lol

alright i'll try is out. thank you both.

now would a gay guy in a relationship have an uncontrollable urge to be with his girlfriend all the time. not because he is scared of being gay but because he just needs to be with her to feel normal and whole? at least he doesn't think he's scared of being gay. they've been together for over 4 months now.

I think this would be unusual for a gay guy. Does your friend need both experiences?

If I'm correctly reading what your writing, someone who's questioning their sexuality and thus their very identity may indeed have the need to be with their girlfriend out of a desire to keep at least some familiarity in their lives. It might be somewhat along the lines of, I'm having all this stress thinking about these issues and how their going to effect my life but I can go be with her right now, and take a break from thinking about it. I would think it may be a matter of taking comfort in the familiar so as not to have to deal with the stressful shit playing out in his mind all the time. That doesn't mean he's using her it just means that is who your comfortable with right now, and who you retreat to, to get away from the stress and to have some enjoyable time with. She's kinda insulation from the thoughts about being gay.He may very honestly not be scared of being gay, as in being with a man and kissing and humpin' and all that stuff but that doesn't mean he may not be scared of the perceived change that is ahead for his life. I think anyone in their right mind would be scared of the kind of change and challenges they think they may be in for. It's like entering any new chapter in your life, there's going to be some angst over it. It's kinda like leaving home to go off to college, even if your looking forward to it and can't wait to get out of the house your still gonna be somewhat apprehensive about the new situation that your going to find yourself in. Not because it's better or worse but just because it's not familiar. Scared is normal.

can gay porn help with the experimenting process thing?

I think that would be the case to only a very limited point. Porn is fantasy and doesn't translate well into the reality of sexuality. Being gay is more than just getting off to other guys. Admittedly it's a gray area but I think without the desire for the emotional connection and metal intimacy of being with another man it's, well... kinda just like a fetish. Speaking tongue in cheek I've always thought the limpness test was do you wanna fuck or do you wanna hold him. There's a big, big difference.There I don't think I've done anything to answer your question but that's what it I've got.

no no that actually did answer my question. My friend, actually me, I will admit (for some reason I felt to shy to say it was me, even on here) doesnt really feel the need for an emotional relationship with another guy. But when I smoked pot sometimes I would start just thinking and thinking untill I came to the realization that maybe I was gay (without any want or need to be with a guy) since I never was able to talk to girls till my recent girlfriend and even now that I've stopped smoking I've missed so much of my life that I guess I felt I had to resort back to what I thought when I was high. I really dont, yet, have the ability to keep my mind from moving forward (which I'm working on with my new girlfirend). but tell me if this a good conclusion I'm just sort of working shit out in my mind. I havent smoked in like three weeks, so I'm still sort of in the possible relapse stage. and I'm kind of lost.

Lots and lots of straight guys have trouble talking to girls. In fact, I suspect it would be harder for straight guys to talk to girls than it would be for gay guys, because for straight guys it matters more.

hmmm... i see. well that makes sense I guess I have sort of been living like I'm the only one in this mess. oh well it's good to know.I have one single question and thn I'm done. Would coming to the extreme conclusion that one is gay while being high mean anything, or is it just something to over look considering that... well... I was high?

I suspect that sexual preferences are created in the brain by subtraction from a general bisexuality. If the availability of sexual partners is restricted, less is suppressed; and similarly alcohol or drugs may mean less is suppressed. But that doesn't affect your sexuality under more normal conditions.You have already implied that you don't feel any romantic feelings towards guys. In what direction are your main sexual feelings under normal conditions?

yeah... I guess I'm sort of talking in circles, I just want to get my mind straight (haha I mean not straight straight, hahah but you get the idea haha). but I think, normally, in Professor Kinsey's scale from 1-6 I'm probably about a 1 which is "Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual" or that's how I feel at least.