He has cerebral palsy.

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I talked on the phone tonight for hours with a guy I met online. He is Christian as am I. He's English and had been living here for a while (7 years, he moved with his dad). He is 20 years old. So here's the issues: He told me he has cerebral palsy. His profile picture shows him with a very hot body. He works out, he's into body building. So I assume he pretty able bodied. He sounds so good on the phone. I love his accent and his voice. He's very polite. I'm really attracted to him and he says he is to me as well. He's charming and adorable. He is a virgin too. I know I often worry about what people think too much. I don't want to meet him and be completely turned off because of the way he walks. I get so nervous from feeling other people's nervousness, anxiety, or embarrassment. Do you think a date with cerebral palsy would be a problem for you? How should I handle this?Something else that he revealed to me was that he masturbates 3 times a day. I thought it was a bit excessive. What do you guys think about that? He says that masturbating takes the edge off when he wants to have sex. Should I be worried that he will have a harder time resisting temptation than myself?He really sweet and seems really genuine. I got so turned on just listening to him talk. What if things don't work out? I'm so afraid about hurting his feelings?

I don't think you should let your concerns hold you back. The situation might be slightly awkward at the first meeting but if you share the chemistry you claim I think it will be forgot in, literally, seconds. Three times a day at twenty, I wouldn't worry.

I don't want to be picky about every superficial thing. Generally, him as a whole package seem pretty nice.

Hmmm...I'm really apprehensive about this. I feel like my Christian character is really being called into question. I'm really worried that I'll freak out an be anxious if I see him in person. I'm afraid I'll be turned off...or another scenario is that I won't be, but I'll still be self conscious about him and other people seeing us. I don't know how to deal with this type of situation. I don't want to be mean, chicken out and hurt his feelings. He's a good guy, but I don't know if I have the capacity to deal with this maturely. Another thing is that he doesn't drive, I assume because of his disability, and I am able, but don't have a license and a car. This fact seemed unimportant to what else is going on.What should I do? Help please.

Speaking from experience:I would assume he's really nervous too, and probably feels the same about you that you do from speaking with him over the phone, etc. What I would do, if I were you, is:It's okay to be apprehensive and nervous. If he's like me, he's probably happy that you two are talking and enjoying each other, and/or going out to dinner, etc. And if he's like me, he's probably nervous about being together too, it's something I've thought about a lot when asking girls out, etc. It's very nerve racking, believe me! And in terms of attitude/feelings, don't feel put off about asking about it, in a nice way, obviously. Not like "So what's yer problem?" LOL But just say something like "I mean no disrespect, but can you explain X Y & Z to me?" Given he's not totally self-concisous, and it doesn't seem like it if he told you about his, habits. This way, you can learn about it and maybe make it easier for you to be around and/or with him.In regards to temptation, I wouldn't worry too much, he seems sensible and like a typical 20-year-old, like OF said.And if you have to take some time away just to recompose, just do so nicely, politely excuse yourself, etc.To delve into the self-consciousness-ish-ness for a moment... He might not walk much different. I have a very good friend with CP, and she only needs a crutch to walk with. She has a slightly gimpy leg, but that's it. She's awesomely nice and really kind.Long story short: Go for it! What do you have to lose anyway? If you need anything else, insider info, I'll be happy to help.

Thank you for that. I talked with him on the phone tonight and he said some really sweet things. He asked me if I was falling for him.... I guess he couldn't understand why I was making such a fuss. He mentioned the fact that we had only spoken 3 times. I said I think I had. I felt really stupid, that perhaps I was thinking too hard or something.I think it's all going to come down to us meeting in person and seeing how things go. That's our deal.

Okay, I feel really bad. His face is a little different, though his body is nice. I'm more attracted to his personality than his looks. How do I find...well accept that uneven balance of attractions? I think I should tell him about this. I don't think I'm being honest.

I finally ask my sister for advice about this guy. I'm really afraid of what she's going to say when I show here a picture of him. I remember years ago I was talking to a guy that was overweight. He was going into the navy and wanted to loose it all, he had to or they wouldn't let him in. He turned out a nice looking guy. Her comment way, 'You don't want to date a fatty.' I'll never forget it. I'm supposedly hot and I'm supposed to "do better."

*sigh*

Ughhhhhh...she did not respond the way I wished she would.

Well, the first thing I want to say: I'm glad I could help you! And you're not stupid, sometimes with certain people, you just know.Next: I mean no disrespect, but screw your sister. You can date whoever you want to, and no one else should have [this much of] an opinion about it. While they weigh in who you date, I wouldn't let it be the determining factor on who you date. You can date up, down, whatever you want. Just because you're "hot" and "can do better" shouldn't be of great worry, it's your choice. Even if she says garbage things about the picture, then remember, "Okay, that means you don't want to date someone who looks like that. But that doesn't mean I can't, or won't."After that: I know how judgmental and superficial our brains can be, and how much we can't help it, but if it's more about his personality to you, then let it be more about his personality. If you want to accept the differences, then do just that, accept them. You can make your brain rise above and deal what he looks like, because you like him for him, not for what he looks like. You're the one that makes the ultimate decision. The more time you spend with him, also, will help ease and decrease the difference between the two attractions, and, probably, even help bind them into one. After all, if all of our actions were still based on survival, we'd still be in the stone age.

Thank you so much :smile:

You're welcome so much. Did the post I left right after yours help with the PM issue too?

Yes it did. :smile:

Though now I don't think we're going to date. We talked today and he said that him not having a car and having to depend on his family was a problem. I don't have a car either. I don't know anymore. I give up. He said he wants to just stay friends and them after he gets his license and a car we can hangout. In the meantime, we'll still message and chat with other people. I think by then I will have met somebody and hopefully he will have too. I've been worn thin by this, and now I just don't care...or I'm just tired. I wish he didn't have cerebral palsy, things wouldn't even have went like this. Hmmm...maybe if I hadn't fell so hard for him things wouldn't have happened like this.

hey live and learn you knowi was going to just say "go for it" but i see that the issue's already pretty much resolved. next time i would say just don't think so hard about it and freak yourself out like that. just relax, give everything a fair shake and if it doesn't work for you that doesn't mean you did something wrong or are a bad person.