Alot went down tonight

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So alot went down tonight with me and i dont know what to do other than talk about it. I will try to section everything and try to make sense, beware this will probably be long, so for those of you who love me here just bear with me :laughing:

My Relationship - Ive been with my current girlfriend for a year and a half, and things were great for the first half and they slowly started going downhill after about 7/8 months. Slowly i started to learn more about her and it got harder and harder. She and i are on very different levels intellectually and maturity wise and that alone makes it very hard (me being the higher on both). She is very immature for her age and she is alot like her mom (Who i hate, shes literally the only women ive ever wanted to punch in the face) and that isnt very fun. Ive been trying to work things out now for 8 months or so and it is hard to see where its going. For this story we will call my girlfriend Ali. A girl i once was in love with and now i feel like im not in love with her but i love her (if you know what i mean) and almost feel obligated to be with her, and its hard to imagine being without her. The next part involves another girl who we will call Tay.
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Tay** - Tay is a girl who i met through a friend about 2 - 3 weeks ago. Me and her hit it off that night and had a strong connection and an EXTREMELY strong sexual connection. The night i met her there was alot of flirting and a little bit of cuddling and hand touching. After that we talked online alot (flirting) and she invited me to a dance with her tomorrow (Saturday) which i accepted. Now keep in mind she has a boyfriend but he turned down the dance offer with her. So while talking on the internet with Tay i invited her to a movie tonight which is where everything happened. Tay has me very confused about Ali and im trying to sort things out right now.

Tonight - Tonight we went to the movies and sat in the back row, and the whole night i felt her trying to get close to me and i allowed it and then when it got to a certain point she would pull away because i guess she felt it was wrong. After the movies we went to a park and started talking about this and that and then we got on the subject of sex. She has never been eaten out and we happened to be talking about that and i was saying how it was my favorite thing to do and how i loved it etc etc, and she turned away and bit her lower lip like it was turning her on. So we keep talking and out of nowhere we decide to play truth or dare, when i asked if she wanted to play she said "No, because everything i want to do i cant" and i said "Whoa, what does that mean?" and everything just happened to come out. She told me she wanted me to eat her out, that she wanted to have sex with me, how turned on she was by me, etc. I asked if she was trying to get close to me all night she said yes, i asked if she knew us hanging out would lead to this she said yes, we both knew, etc etc. I have to cut some stuff out because i dont want this to be too long but in short EVERYTHING came out about how we felt about each other sexually and about our connection, I told her that when i found out she hadnt been eaten out that i wanted to do it, etc etc.

So as we went on i took a dare, and it ended being me taking my shirt off. (I saw it coming). As i took it off she told me she thought my happy trail was hot, she ran her hand on my abs, and everything. She told me i looked like something out of a movie and from here things just took off. These sexual feelings just shot through the roof and it was very intense. At this point she stood up and we started hugging and rubbing each other. We got very close to kissing a million times but restrained ourselves. So after that we keep going with the game do a few truths etc etc, and i ended up asking her to take off her shirt. She agreed to but the catch was i had to take it off for her. So originally i was going to just pull down the top ( it was low cut) to expose her boobs and i had to reach down her shirt and grab her boobs and physically pull them out of her shirt (she has really large breast). After that i decided to just take her shirt off and i started to rub them.

After that we tried to stop and control ourselves since we are both in a relationship. Some other stuff happened and then it ended with, us sitting on the steps, i was rubbing her thigh, i rubbed all the way up to where her vagina is and then i started to rub it through her pants all while having my head at her chest breathing hot breath down into her cleavage. As i was doing this she was moaning and running her hand up my thigh going for my penis and massaging it. As this was going on we went to kiss and got lips to lips and then broke away immediately. We needed to stop! So we did and i took her home.

We talked about this whole night and everything on the way home and now im sitting here still with this intense sexual feeling. I forgot to mention us talking about having sex and we both agreed that we thought we would have amazing sex, that it would last for hours and it would be very intense. As she was leaving i said "So what happens if someday we both end up single at the same time?" she replied with "Then you can do anything you want to me!".

Aftermath - Tonight was the most intense sexual feelings ive had for another person. I have a great sex life with my girlfriend and ive never felt like that when in the act with her. Things got heated tonight and if we were both single me and Tay would have probably stripped naked and had sex in the park and it probably would have been the best sex of my life. The thing about Tay is she made me feel sexy!! She wanted me to do everything to her so bad and she wanted me so bad. Im 5'4 and this girl made me feel like a 6'2 super model. She thought my body was "like something from a movie" and she thought i was ripped and extremely sexy. She ranked me as a 9/10 with a ten being model status. Ali tells me im sexy and expresses it also but i always feel like its so....i dont know? Fake? Like she feels the need to say it to please me even though its what she actually thinks. Talking to Tay was so nice because i feel like i cant talk to Ali since we are on different levels. My connection with Tay is mostly sexual since we hardly know each other, but i love it. I wish we were both single so i could have taken her home tonight and flipped her world upside down. I want to do "whatever i want" to her. I feel bad that this happened and im sorry for Ali but i feel like tonight wasnt wrong and i do not regret it. I know what i did to Ali was very wrong and i feel terrible towards her, but for me personally it was something i have never felt and i cant regret something that felt so good.

I dont know how or if i should tell Ali, i dont know if we should break up or not. I think i need to think about this alot, but i need everyone elses thoughts. I know people will say "Dont trade something thats just sexual for what you have now" but what i have now with Ali is probably 90% sexual. All we do is have sex, everything else slowly rotted away and now i dont know what to do because i love her but i dont think im in love with her, but at the same time i cant imagine life without her there. Tay is taken and we agreed to no more touching and this cant happen again (even though we both think it will) but we want to stay friends.

I dont know what to do guys. Tay is off limits, everything with Ali has seemed to have diminished and i dont know how to rebuild it. On top of it i cheated tonight (dont have sex), but touching Tays breast, taking my shirt off, rubbing against her, rubbing her thighs as she rubbed mine, everything that i did is a form of cheating whether i kissed or not i still touched. I feel horrible for what i did but i cant regret it because i think it will teach me something, i just need to figure out what that is. Am i bad person guys? I hope not, i feel like the type of person that goes to hell right now :frowning:

"if your relationship were truly what you wanted, you wouldn't have been at that movie theatre with Tay anyways."That right there is exactly true. I 100% agree with it. Me and Tay talked about what happened and we agreed it would be best (if we were to hang out again) to do it with a group of people, like when we met. That way we cant get intimate and what not.I think me and Tay would make amazing lovers and thats what it is all about right now between us, we dont know each other enough for it to be anything more. I guess what made this experience significant to me is i have never had a girl that is almost a stranger confess anything like this to me before, she had fantasies about sleeping with me after 1 night of spending time with me.I dont want to be a player or anything at all, but she made me feel attractive, very attractive and that was an amazing confidence boost. I just talked to Ali and she actually had a guy ask her out tonight (who happened to be 40, and she is 18) and she told him the fuck off for that one. That just added to me feeling like shit x10. I know me and Ali need to end, its just SO HARD to let go of something you put so much time and effort into, someone that you once loved so dearly. I dont know how i would cope without Ali in my life, things arent good between us at the moment but its still so hard to let go. The thing is i feel like such a bad person for this, and i dont want to seem untrustworthy. The only reason this happened is because me and Ali failed long ago, we just dont know how to let go. I dont want to be known as a cheater, or even thought of as one, thats not me. I made a mistake, and the problem is i saw it coming from the first night i met her and i just let it happen. I feel like such a bad person! gahhhhh.Thank you for reading and responding Natasha, i appreciate it. Im grateful to have someone reply to me and i know what i need to do. Thanks!

Your relationship has been on a downward spiral for a very long time. I know that feeling. Its best to get out now before anything else happens! Dont tell your girlfriend what happened... there is more things wrong with your relationship and Im sure she has seen this coming too. Imagine being so comfortable with her that you two decide to get married... then get divorced.. hate eachother.. blah blah blah.. is it really worth that?

Wow... just wow. This post has upset me to no end. Just wow.I understand that people might start to lose attraction for their "partner" but what the heck is up with all the unfaithfulness these days?? Honestly, you can't trust ANYBODY! The lies, the deceit... it's ridiculous what is wrong with people?I'm sorry. I've just been seeing an abundance of this lately one of which to happen to a friend.I don't really know what it's like to lose attraction for a partner. But I'm at least trying to see it from your point of view.Natasha gave the best advice. It would be best to just break up with poor Ali now before temptation causes you and Tay to bump uglies. Tay doesn't sound faithful either and she seems completely lured in by lust. Even though you said not to say it, it really sounds like you guys are mainly in this for the sexual tension even though you may have a "connection". Honestly, if you really loved Ali then you would spare her the hurt that tons of people seem to be going through right now and end it. OR you could at least try to TALK to her about how you feel your relationship is dwindling in an attempt to restore what you once had. I mean... a year does sound pretty long compared to a girl you met what... 2-3 weeks ago? You went out with her for a reason didn't you? Sometimes people get bored and and take things for granted. A mistake on Ali's part apparently since she doesn't know what's going on behind closed doors. Honestly dude, it's completely up to you. You've already completed phase one. The rest is up to you.I'm sorry if I came off to harsh. I really don't mean to. This subject is just really disappointing and I really lose respect for all cheaters. I don't care what the heck their reasoning is. It's just... when you're with someone in a relationship... I mean TRULY with someone you seriously have their HEART in your hands. You have the power to completely TEAR THAT HEART APART by one little action. Depending on how deep you are with them you could completely change their whole lives around. And when you first say "I love you" to that girl or guy you're basically saying "I have your heart now and I promise to protect and nourish it".Too many hearts have been broken... and for what?? Some heffer or playa playa on the side who can't take your partner's feelings into consideration? (Not calling Tay a heffer. I'm sure she's really sweet). Dude, do what's right for you but take your current girlfriend's feelings into consideration.

The reason me and my girlfriend have failed is not because a loss of attraction its because of ALL the bullshit she has put me through. Im not going to get into it now but the girl has put me through a ton! We have been together a year and a half and for half of this relationship ive been trying to repair what we once had. Ive done ALL the work in this relationship, Ali does not put any effort at all. If it wasnt for me trying to make things work we would have ended long ago. Im not just some "player" or any bullshit like that. Ive tried as much as i can to make me and Ali work, its hard when the other person does absolutely NOTHING to help, she just puts more problems on me. If she cares so much about this relationship then why doesnt she put any effort into it? Maybe if she would put the same love and care into me that i have put into her i wouldnt have ended up at the theater with Tay. What i did was wrong but i dont believe it was fully my fault. All that me and Ali have in our relationship at the moment is sex, and its probably whats held us together for the past few months. And by the way ive tried to break up with Ali a few months ago before things got this far. She played her depression role on me and threatened suicide if i broke up with her. Maybe i should have given some of these facts originally so i didnt look like the asshole prick and Ali looked like the goody two shoes victim here. But they didnt pop into my head last night, all i wanted to do last night was talk about last night. What i did was wrong and what happened happened, the world can think im the biggest douchebag, you can think im the biggest peice of shit in the world, i could care less honestly, but just know ive been put through more than you can imagine by this girl, if someone wants to know the facts then feel free to PM me for my AIM. But theres too much to cover for one post. Japan you werent harsh and i see where your coming from. Your reaction is my fault (for one due to my actions) but also i never posted the back story or any real info about my relationship, i just basically said it was "going downhill". Theres alot to it and i could talk about it for hours, just cant do it here.

I understand. A couple of details you failed to mention that would have made a world of a difference. =pI don't view you as a "playa" or a douchebag. I know you're a nice guy. Cheating in general is a very sensitive subject for me (you don't even want to know) because the cheating is usually done for selfish reasons. But I'm not trying to judge you or anything and I apologize if it came off that way.

Its ok, i should have made "My relationship" part a little more detailed last night but it was so late, i was so overwhelmed i just had to get what happened last night out! You dont need to apologize its fine, i should have posted more details plain and simple. Your a nice girl and i understand cheating is a sensitive subject for you, just know that im not the guy that fucks his maid when his wife goes off to work, its nothing like that.

Have you thought about what you are going to do??

Still in the process. I may just cut them both out of my life and start over. Maybe just stay single for awhile and dont get too serious at the moment. I think it might be best for me to just be single and free for awhile. I dont know to get out of the relationship with Ali, thats the hard part. And i will stay friends with Tay but i cant hang out with her alone anymore, not until we are both single.

I think I should share my two cents. It's going to be long-ish, so give me some time.

Honestly im very scared, when i saw you were online i was like "Oh shit, VS is going to tear me apart"But i asked for it and i deserve it, so if you end up being very harsh then i understand.

I've read your whole post and I've been a follower in your past posts about your relationship.Honey, you need to break it off already.I know you've put in a lot of time, effort, and emotions into your relationship, but you have to realize that you're stuck at a dead end.My last relationship lasted a good two years and a half. I was in love and did everything for this man. And just like your girlfriend, he has some mental issues (depression and schizophrenia). But I didn't judge him for that because who doesn't have issues? I fell in love with the person inside.When a relationship lasts that long, certain issues come up, like marriage. He wanted to marry me and have the picture perfect future. And at first, I blindly said yes. I thought I was able to see it, but later down the line, I started to wake up.See, he wasn't a bad person at all. He treated me like a queen and loved me dearly. However, the problem was his situation in life. He didn't graduate high school, so he had no education. And because of that he didn't have a job. Because of his mental illnesses, he had to go to therapy twice a week and visit the hospital every so often to take a blood test. He still lives with his parents and relies heavily on them. He doesn't drive and never leaves his house.But I didn't care, I loved him so I thought I could help him so we can work on our future.So, I told him first things first, go back to school. I wanted him to get at least his GED so his chances of finding a job would increase a bit. You want to know what happened? He flaked. I tried to get him to go to school for at least a year but he didn't put any effort. His excuse was that there's a lot of time so why rush it? Naturally, that pissed me off but I bit my tounge and let it be. Afterall, I tired.Next was him to find some sort of job. He managed to get one job but it only lasted three weeks and was let go. Later, he was put in some job placement center. However, it didn't help at all. All they did was help with applications but that was it. He went back and forth, filling out applications for a good six or so months, and nothing. Not one single call back. I felt helpless because there's nothing I was able to do.Then I started to wake up. If he wanted to get married, have kids, and all that jazz he HAS to put some effort into making that possible. I go to school and have a job. I'm not perfect, nobody is, but all I ask is for equal effort. But during that whole time nothing was changing. I had numerous talks to him about his situation. He listened, but nothing went through. As I said earlier, I tried during the entire realtionship, but he either half assed it, or nothing was going on.That's when I decided to end it. I felt I hit a dead end. I got fed up with the weak attempts to change his life. I thought years was a good amount of time, but I was apparently wrong. I was scared and I didn't want to do it because I really was in love with him. I wanted to see it through and thought "maybe another year, something will change". But who was I fooling? Can I afford another wasted year? This was going to be the hardest thing I was ever going to do.When I finally decided to put my foot down and said it was over for good, he tried using his illness as a weapon against me. He even said he would kill himself. As scary as that was, because I felt he would hurt himself, I had to harded my heart and stand my ground. I can't let him use a mental leash on me. That's unfair and twisted. I had to break off this relationship for my own sake.I did it. Yes, the pain was there because I was with him for so long, but I had to keep reminding myself it's for the better. Months later of being single, I found the man of my dreams, whom I'm currently with. He's so perfect for me that it's fucking scary (seriously!). Even to this day, I can't believe someone like him exists and is with me. It's like he walked out of my dreams and into my life. He's amazing and the cherry on top is, he's fucking HOT! And as a added bonus, the sex is spectacular. I am a lucky mother fucker. The reason why I'm telling you my shit is that if you feel like you've done all you can and your partner isn't giving back, then you have to call it quits, for your sake. If you don't see anything happening, then don't fool yourself. I know you've been with your girlfriend for long, but you have to do it.Now, I don't agree with what you did. I know your girlfriend has put you through a lot, but don't play that childish game in which she hurts you, so you hurt her. Nothing gets accomplished that way and both of you end up loosing. You're better than that. But as you experienced, there's more to life and if you keep wasting it away with someone you're no longer happy with, you're going to miss out. I really think you should break up with your girlfriend. And I agree with you being single for a while and not get into anything serious too soon. Trust me, you're going to need some time to heal up. Enjoy being a single, happy, and healthy man.Be strong and stand your ground. Don't let her use her depression and guilt as a weapon against you. It's ugly, I know, but you have to be vigilant. This is going to be tough, things will get ugly, and feelings will be shattered. But in time, you'll see that it was worth it. Afterall, things can only go up from rock bottom. See, that wasn't so bad, now was it, you pussy.

Lol i appreciate your post Star, i appreciate the time you took to read all my BS and then the time you took to make such a long post. As far as what happened last night i didnt do what i did to "get my girlfriend back for what shes done to me", i did it honestly because i stopped thinking and i let things get out of control.

I hung out with my girlfriend today and things were ok. Today wasnt the right day to break up, but i know it needs to happen eventually. I dont want to end up wasting more years, and i cant expect my girlfriend to change. I would like her to change (it would benefit myself and herself both)but im not sure its going to happen.

She tried to make an effort maybe a month or so ago and things went well for awhile, but then one day she slipped back to her old ways and it just went back into this tedious cycle. Since then she hasnt tried again. That gave me hope for awhile but i dont think it will happen and i shouldn't expect her to change.

I looked into her eyes today and i could see that she is still very much in love with me, and i almost wanted to cry knowing how i fucked up last night, and also because i no longer had that same look in my eye. I love her to death but im no longer in love with her and it breaks my heart to see that look in her eyes and know that i cant return it. I would stare and then quickly hug her afterwards because if i looked to long she would see that something is missing.

I know she put me through ALOT, but she is still a great person. I thought she would be in my life for years and years to come. She has a good heart and she means well but she just doesnt know how to take control and change and she doesnt understand how to give back in a relationship.

Leaving this girl is going to be the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. Can i ask you how you went about doing it? How you got the courage, and how you found it in you to let go of a person you very much care for no matter what they've put you through? You can PM me about it if you want. Thanks!

Quote:As far as what happened last night i didnt do what i did to "get my girlfriend back for what shes done to me", i did it honestly because i stopped thinking and i let things get out of control. Actually, though I still don't agree with what you did, I have to applaud you for keeping your head together. After all, it could've gotten much worse but you took control and stopped before you went too far. Bravo.  Quote:She tried to make an effort maybe a month or so ago and things went well for awhile, but then one day she slipped back to her old ways and it just went back into this tedious cycle. Since then she hasnt tried again. That gave me hope for awhile but i dont think it will happen and i shouldn't expect her to change. That's exactly what happened to me. I thought I was getting him on track, but he completely flaked out and went back to square one. We can only try so much.  Quote:I know she put me through ALOT, but she is still a great person. I thought she would be in my life for years and years to come. She has a good heart and she means well but she just doesnt know how to take control and change and she doesnt understand how to give back in a relationship. I feel the same way. My ex isn't a bad person either. We fell in love with these people for a reason. There were some good times in our relationship and he always meant well. It's the reason why breaking is so hard because we dont' want to hurt them. But we have to be honest, not only with ourselves, but to them also.  Quote:Can i ask you how you went about doing it? How you got the courage, and how you found it in you to let go of a person you very much care for no matter what they've put you through?It's definitely not easy.What I did was, I went over to his house but had him come outside to talk because I didn't feel comfortable going inside (his family was home). Now, he kinda saw this coming as I've talked to him about it before. However, I had to put my foot down and stick to my guns because I knew it had to be done for sure.I simply told him the straight truth. I told him that I don't feel like this relationship has a real future and I just can't go any further. I honestly felt like I've tried all I could to help him change but nothing worked. My patience dried up and I couldn't no longer tolerate the fact that I'm dating someone who basically doesn't do anything in life.Of course, he tried to get me to change my mind and said things to me. He tried to say "I love you" or other form of guilt. He got a bit too emotional and said some other things that were just ridiculous.There really isn't anything I can say that will help you or make things any easier. You just need to keep reminding yourself that this is for the best for you. It's not selfish to remember that you have a life of your own. You need to take care of yourself also. You are not responsible for anyone but yourself.The only tip I can give is be honest and stay strong. I'm not saying to be cold, but you need to harden up a bit because breakups can get ugly. It's hard to predict what will happen, so you have to be prepaired. Don't beat around the bush because you don't want to send mixed signals. Be straight with her so she can understand why you are leaving. At least give her that. However, I wouldn't tell her what happened the other night with that Tay girl.Another thing is once you break up with her, don't talk to her or have any contact. Both you and her are going to be way too emotional and it's going to be too awkward. Whether or not you wish to keep her in your life as a friend or not is totally up to you, but at this point it's not a good idea. Be sure to let her know that when you break up with her, you have to let her go completely, meaning no contact between you two. Otherwise, getting over each other will be much more harder.Sorry for the late reply, but I had a busy weekend. I wish you the best of luck and best wishes to both you and her.

I know I should type this as PM but screw it.

I saw you left a message for me on the shout box before you deleted it. I wouldn't mind talking to you but I no longer use AIM. I'm just too busy, so I'm no longer on the computer as often as before. Even now, I just got home and it's almost 11 at night. Too tired at the moment. I'm really sorry. :frowning: But I do hope turn for the better for you.

Yeah its all good, i ended up talking to JapanFan aka Abi. My situation is complicated but i will update you when its more stable.

Hi MMAfighter90, just want to let you know, I know exactly how you feel. I stayed in a relationshipfor over 1 1/2 years and I tried to get out of it for over half of that time. Like VS said there is good in that relationship its why you are in it. But it can take its toll. I knew I had to get out of it but he use to use his depression against me. I once even tried to break up with him saying I couldnt deal with his problems and they were effecting my life too much (I could see myself becoming depressed the more I was with him.) He became really hurtful and used it against me in out relationship saying I am selfish and only think of myself and dont understand his problems. The thing is, these people are highly strung and very depended on the people around them for everything. I finally did it though, I broke up with him when his controlling nature was too much. It was really hard not so much because I was emotional about teh relationship but because he just would not give up. He would just storm out and leave even threaten suicide again and then come back the next day and try to act like things were normal and then when I said what are you doing here he would say Im being slack. That was the hardest part and something which vs said. You have to be selfish, but its not a bad thing. It just means that you have to be the bigger person and know you have the right to be happy and you are not keeping them happyby staying with them. They are going to try some crazy shit, my ex even became a little violent (punching walls repeatedly and yelling). It was then that I really found the power in me to be the most decisive. I told him to leave and that his behaviour was unacceptable. I kepts saying in my head, omg I can do this, I dont want to stay with this person, they make me feel horrible about myself and pull me down. I dont want this. The most helpful advice I have ever had was from my mum and she said you have the choice to make your love life the way you want it. It is all up to you. Once I realised that its ME who have the power and that relationships are not something which happen to it, it became alot more easier to go after what I wanted.Btw, breaking up was the best thing I ever did, knowing I did makes me smile and laugh knowing I did something right. I now have a new bf, someone who brings out the best in me, not the worse. This is something that also makes me feel better because my ex when I would try and break up use to make me stay in the relationship by puttung me down, saying shit like I would never find someone like him who loves me the way he did. I'm glad thats true cause I never want to be sufficated like that again!You can do this, you speaking about it just shows how you are alreay accepting whats ahead.Very proud of you