Thought I'd come back to say hi to the forums again =] So I've been going under a lot of mental stress lately and I think a major contributor to it is my relationship. I never had any problems with my girl, we seem to be the perfect couple. Every day I think about her and what it's going to be like when we are older- but one thing gets to me. Her best friend is a gay guy ( THIS IS NOT AN OFFENSIVE TOPIC), and they've known each other for about 3 years, which is almost as long as I've known her. We are over a year in our relationship, and up until the recent last 2 months, I was told that he sometimes stays the night over at her house. Now, I'm not sure why, but I see that as a huge WRONG. It's probably because I'm jealous at the fact that I can't stay the night at HER house, but I just don't like it. I've talked to her several times and asked her "Do you see where I'm coming from"? I'm not trying to make her think that's, but to me it's like- He's still a guy. Sure, he's gay, but in my eyes I just don't want you to have any guys over at your house, and for the most part... staying the night. Does anybody agree with me? Does anybody have any helpful tips? And no, I can't simply deal with it. It is eating away at my insides.
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Ugh.. Frustrating
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Welcome back!I'd be concerned, too. Have you spoken to her about it?
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Yeah (Online for a while lol)
It's a topic we usually avoid because it puts both of us in a uncomfortable and bad mood. Unfortunately for my side she cares too much about him and to me it seems like she's completely ignoring my feelings on the topic.
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That sounds worse. I think it's reasonable to tell her you don't have any trouble with her being friends with him, but to have any other guy sleeping over doesn't look good at all.
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I really don't want to make this worse for you, but I feel you should be very aware of it.
One of my friend's brothers is "gay". And by gay I mean he acts gay, and does it very very well indeed. He wears the right clothes, has the right attitude and says all the right things that would convince you he is gay...
However, when you look further it turns out he's never had a boyfriend, never been with another guy and generally just acts gay rather than actually is.
Looking further still, it turns out that he actually has regular sex with many different females.
I actually checked this out because I didn't understand. It turns out he puts on this act so that girls get close to him and confide in him. They don't find him perverse or threatening so really open up to him. Sometimes their conversations will get onto her insecurities and go from there.
Sorts of things like "I don't like my breasts" "Well I will give you an opinion".
and that then opens the path to further experimentation.Now I'm not saying that this guy is like this. I'm also definately not saying that your girlfriend would/could know about this, but I am saying that you should keep it in mind. Definately talk to her about it.
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I'm for sure that he's gay, because he and his boyfriend at once have been at my girlfriends house.
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If he's gay I don't see anything to worry about. But, I'm not the jealous type either. If he's not interested in her coochie I don't get it. It's not like he's suddenly going to say hey I wanna play with some boobs or eat at the Y. I don't know, to me it's your issues of insecurity that need to be dealt with and not her having a gay guy spend the night on occasion.
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I don't care that he's gay. It's the excuse that "He's gay" is what bothers me. He's a guy. I'm the jealous type. BAD COMBINATION.
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If you're sure he's completely gay, I'd have to agree in saying there's nothing to worry about. The only reason I can say this is because on of my close guy friends is gay. I rarely have friends over but he does stay nights at my house and vice versa. We talk about everything but it honestly feels like he's just one of the girls. If you trust her, try to accept it. Maybe the reason the conversation about him is difficult between you two is because she might be scared you're trying to make her choose between you and her friend. I don't think she's ignoring your feelings, she's explained that there is nothing that could possibly happen so she sees no valid reason for you to be upset. I don't have a boyfriend but, hypothetically, I'd expect him to get over his insecurities and trust me.What else do you want her to do?
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Originally Posted By: sunshine_babyMaybe the reason the conversation about him is difficult between you two is because she might be scared you're trying to make her choose between you and her friend. I don't think she's ignoring your feelings, she's explained that there is nothing that could possibly happen so she sees no valid reason for you to be upset. I don't have a boyfriend but, hypothetically, I'd expect him to get over his insecurities and trust me.I think you said it all right there.
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All I can do is echo the other people's comments here.If you are SURE that he is definately 100% gay, then there's no threat to you, and you shouldn't worry about it. Just try to imagine that it's another of her female friends.If, however, you have ANY doubt that he may not be completely gay, or may be bi, or whatever, then you need to mention that you are uncomfortable, and certainly ask her to be aware of what may happen if he isn't definately gay.
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Originally Posted By: sadbuttrueAll I can do is echo the other people's comments here.If you are SURE that he is definately 100% gay, then there's no threat to you, and you shouldn't worry about it. Just try to imagine that it's another of her female friends.If, however, you have ANY doubt that he may not be completely gay, or may be bi, or whatever, then you need to mention that you are uncomfortable, and certainly ask her to be aware of what may happen if he isn't definately gay. Thanks.