I think I figured out why I can't ask out girls. I convinced myself that it'll never work out, with anyone. I have nothing in common with any girl I come in contact to. I come home, sit down, daydream, nap, work, rinse, repeat. I can't find some one like that and be like "liek omg you do that 2?"I have no swag, no confidence, I have nothing to start up conversations with other people, all I can do is sit back and listen to other people's conversations. Oh yeah, and I'm insecure about my penis shape...
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Eureka, I figured it out... I think
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Girls come in all different sorts, with all sorts of interests. There will certainly be girls with whom you have lots in common - you just haven't met her yet - or perhaps haven't got to know her well enough yet.Good conversation is much more about listening than talking. It's not like delivering a lecture, and it's not about telling everyone what a great person you are and what a great life you lead. It's asking questions, getting the other person to talk, encouraging them. You add your bit as appropriate, but make sure you don't monopolise the conversation.Are you worried about the flat shape? It really is a normal variation.
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I love cars, computer games and fantasy books.My girlfriend hates all three.My girlfriend loves fashion, traveling and romantic films.I hate all three.But we love each other, and have been together for over four years.We don't understand each others obsessions, but we tolerate them.The point is you don't need to connect on every level. So long as you enjoy each others company, and want to spend time with them, that's enough.
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what are some topics to start conversations??one reason why i'm quiet is because i don't know how to start a conversation and don't want to say something stupid. i don't know enough about anyone to come up with one.
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Don't worry about saying something stupid - that's part of normal life, and it's no big deal.You can take topics of conversation from a lot of different sources. You can start, for example, with whatever is in front of you; or some piece of shared recent history; or if you have done enough research to know she has some particular experience (for example, travels somewhere, or some particular hobby or talent or activity) you can ask her about it.If all else fails you can talk about the weather. It's a far from original topic, but still quite usable.
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god dammit... it's been 4 months since I had this feeling come up again. Every girl I'm even remotely attracted to, I get this same feeling that I'm not good enough, I'm seriously considering going all gay, but even then I would see other men the same way. I went out to a bar 2 nights ago with my roommate and his friends, I didn't even do anything except stand in the corner. wow I'm getting even more pathetic... If I can't have fun in a bar, what hope do I have?
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You're very far from alone in lacking confidence in yourself - and many girls lack confidence in themselves also. Perhaps next time you are in a bar, look for the girls who are standing in the corner or otherwise looking lost and out of place.
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I don't think not having fun in a bar has anything to do with being pathetic. I for one could never stand going to a bar or club, and I liked to dance. I just couldn't cope with all the people and the noise. I hated, hated, hated the noise. Not to mention I always felt like I had to watch my back. I just never found crowded bars to be any fun in the least. So I did what you did I stood in the corner not speaking and thinking, "God, can we ever get out of here."Have you thought that part of the problem might be the environment. If you don't feel comfortable in the environment your in your going to be even less comfortable and confident when it comes to approaching a stranger.I don't know how to tell you to get over the "I'm not good enough" problem. I was always that way in some manner and the exact opposite in others. It's only now looking back after years of life experience that I can think back on situation and realize that he/she wanted me. I just couldn't fathom it at the time. Hell if somebody started chatting me up today I doubt I would get it.I'm not saying this is advice because I don't think it was a healthy way of dealing with my problems and I didn't do it intentionally but it worked, as far as attracting people to me is concerned. It did nothing for my ability to close the deal, or hell, even realize there way a deal at hand. As I said, I had/have a server feeling of inferiority but I'm to proud to let people know that. So, like you, I stayed in the corner and kept to myself but rather that give off the air of "I'm not good enough to participate," I always, always, always gave off the air of "I don't need you so I'm not interested in participating." That makes a vast difference. If people think you don't need them, even if you seem unapproachable they think you've got something going on and some will approach you just to find out what it is. Other's will pursue you because if your aloof you must be happening.I always had people chasing me because my pride kept me from letting them know I didn't feel good enough for them and so some mistook my aloofness as haughtiness and others as a testament to my coolness (LoL!) and still others as a challenge. They came to me. The bad part was even when they did I usually didn't get the fact that they where interested.