I don't know what to do. This is bad.

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I feel like everyone has deserted me... well family. I broke down in school today.. I was shocked. I didn't expect it but it just happened. My mom treats me like sh*t. My brother won't stop arguing with me. My sister never talks to me. My dad is all the way in Tennessee. My stepdad just moved to Ohio. My oldest brother and I got into fight about him doing illegal things that could get him put back in jail OR END UP DEAD and the fact that he has ANOTHER friggin child he so amazingly forgot to tell me about from another female (I liked Monique). My uncle is back on drugs. My other brother is too busy studying for the bar test to come for my graduation.... I'm like wow... great family.My best friend hasn't spoken to me in TWO WEEKS! And she's messing around with another boy and I HATE to think what she's doing that she ignores my texts and phone calls. My boyfriend and I are planning on spending a week with each other in his hometown in Georgia and we've been all lovey dovey and I feel like I've gotten TOO dependent on him which I'm always cautious not to do. And we just got into an argument about him smoking so much and the friends he hangs out with and his constant bashing of my religion when he's drunk though he claims I'm "too sensitive". I'm like... wow ok thanks for being considerate of my feelings.Idk... i feel like i just want to pull the brakes on this stupid planet and jump off. And I'm sorry to sound so depressing. I like being happy and chipper. Especially since I'm graduating and going off to college. But now I feel like... what's the point when there's no one behind me rooting me on and no goal ahead? I'm the 3rd person of my entire family to graduate from high school and go off too college. That's supposed to be AMAZING from a huge family like mine made up of so many immigrants from Cuba, Brazil, and Haiti but like... nobody cares... UGH

Don't jump off the planet, just the continent! Come to Europe, we'll take care of you over here.

Stop trying to satisfy others.. Satisfy yourself and move forward. You're letting others drag you down.

Girl, You are not alone.

I know how you're feelin.. Ive been going thru a rough period too.

Life will constantly leave you questioning whether you are alone and if you should keep on living. That should tell you something.

I found my family was a dead weight too, and I was very glad to put them at a distance. I still see them, we're not estranged, but it's still a trial and I try to make it on as few occasions as possible. You have to do things as you, by your choice, and not expect support from others. Often in the most important turning points of life, when you have to stand up for what you think is right, it's only you and God, with everyone else being no use whatever.

"...what's the point when there's no one behind me rooting me on and no goal ahead?"Live life for yourself, not for others. That way, when people let you down, and they will, your still pursuing what makes you happy whether they're there or not.

Quote: what's the point when there's no one behind me rooting me on I used to feel the same way, but there is a point where you have to live for yourself and do thing for yourself not other people. You are an amazing person Abi, so don't ever think otherwise! hug Just believe in yourself and things will happen

A.W. is right. I think you will be amazed how much things change for you when you go to college. New friends, new purpose, everything will be new. That's something exciting to hang in there for, no?And I get the wanting to stop the world and jump off. I've been there for a solid month or so. But the world won't stop and I ain't jumping off. I think you'll be resilient. I think you probably always are. Transitions are tough, but they probably need to be sometimes. And they are well worth it.Hang in there Abi. Better days are coming!

Quote:Live life for yourself, not for others. That way, when people let you down, and they will, your still pursuing what makes you happy whether they're there or not.That sounds nice and all and actually something I'd like to do but... I'm so used to "pleasing" everybody and making sure I do what I'm supposed to do I don't even know how to live life for myself. I'm like ok.. what? What next?

They're making me write a speech for school and I honestly I cannot write this thing without getting emotional and crying.. what the heck is wrong with me? I thank everyone except my "dads". And when I try I break out into tears. I'm losing it. I swear to bob...

Just remember, I give you the strength to do whatever you want.

i dont think shes ignoring you, but you do reply back to her everytime she starts typing on here.abi, love. take a deep breath....relax. Things get rough sometimes, believe me, i know that. but take this time for YOU. Dont worry about other people right now, and focus on yourself. You should be very proud of yourself for staying strong like you are. Everything will work out in the end. Just focus on school. Regardless of how eff'd up your family seems to be towards you, they do love you. its an unconditional love, and sometimes its hard to see. but soon enough youll know

Please calm down.Wouldnt you rather make people happy by staying (ME), than leaving and making people happy??Friends are more important!! Abi wouldnt want you to leave either.

lol you're such a drama queen. I make one little comment and you think the whole world is out to get you. Get over yourself. I didnt say for you to leave, i was just stating a fact.Anyways, Abi, hon. I hope you're doing okay.

Thanks guys I appreciate it. I'm just trying to take it a day at a time until THE day comes. I know you're right about the family's unconditional love, Ash, it just really is hard to see sometimes because they act as if they don't care. But I mean... i'll just slow it down and give them the benefit of the doubt.

A day at a time is good. I think a lot of it is stress, so try to look after yourself as much as you can, and give yourself space to relax and recover. I have always found long walks by myself helpful.

\>\>\>"That sounds nice and all and actually something I'd like to do but... I'm so used to "pleasing" everybody and making sure I do what I'm supposed to do I don't even know how to live life for myself. I'm like ok.. what? What next?"
Work to please yourself. I guarantee you are your toughest critic and if you work to live up to your expectation you'll go farther and be happier in your life.

I don't mean to keep bothering you guys.. I just feel so lost right now. Like... the entire meaning of lost is what I am. I feel confused about everything. I'm second guessing the relationship I'm in with my bf. Last night when I got off the phone with him I felt so blank and so empty. And then... I felt used up. Old and unwanted like... a washrag. I haven't felt that particular feeling in years. And last night I literally cried myself to sleep. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why I'm feeling like this all of a sudden. I desperately need someone to talk to who won't just CONDEMN which most people love to do but who will actually understand me and even maybe care.

I just don't want to end up doing something I'll regret...

wow... honey, you kind of sound like how I get sometimes. I don't mean to sound intrusive, but are you going to start your period soon? Nearly every month, when I ovulate, I get really horrifying mood swings. I cry a lot, and feel completely worthless. It's horrible. I think I may have a case of PMDD. And maybe that might be partially it with you, too. One thing is for sure, you should DEFINATELY have a talk with your bf, face to face, about how you felt last night. Let him know. Let him in. I have a horrible habit of pushing my bf away when I get like that, and believe me, it's the worse thing to do. they sense it, and get defensive, then it just gets ugly. I'm not blaming how you feel entirely on hormones, but it may be a factor. I find even the slightest things get to me when I'm ovulating.I wish there was something else I could do for you. I don't know what else to say, but get lots of rest, get your vitamins, take a nice long walk, and talk to your bf