I'M SO HURT!! :(

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I will apologize in advance for the lengthy post, but helpful advice will be appreciated.

My boyfriend came out to visit me last week. The day he left, I dropped him off to the bus stop, and when I came home I went on my computer. I had a weird gut feeling so I browsed his email. And found an email between him and a girl that really upset me. She sent him photos of herself poledancing because she said she loved the thought of him getting turned on by her. He messaged her back saying she's so fucking sexy and that he's disappointed that she wasn't naked in any of the photos. He asked for nude photos and photos of her body.

I got so fucking upset. I have never cried so hard in all my life. Mom was freaking out. She is sooo mad at Stephen for doing this. I try and calm myself down by saying that he actually didn't sleep with anyone else. But I still consider this a way of cheating. I found out on Sunday. And It's been on my mind ever since. At first he was soooo mad. He told me he doesn't deserve me and all that shit. And I want to try and work past it. But I'm scared.

A few months ago he was flirting with a girl on MSN and I found out too. I was really upset and he said he wasn't going to anymore. But then I find this :frowning:

These are both girls he met online. One through a site called Interpals. It's an online site to find penpals. And this other girl from that site sent him a photo of her clothed ass as a "joke" apparently. I messaged her and asked her WTF is going on. And she apologized, and removed him from her friend list. Stephen also told me that he deleted the girl that sent him the photos of herself poledancing. I'm so hurt though :frowning: I just got accepted into school last week, and got my license. And I was sooo happy. And then this happens :frowning: We had plans to get a place together in September, and now I'm so upset. His attitude was so horrible at first. He did not want to reason at all. All he kept saying was that I can do better. He's so fucking stubborn and arrogant and defensive. and I told him to grow the fuck up and deal with the problem.

Now he's trying to.

In my opinion people deserve chances. I just think this is going to take a while to get over. It upsets me so much thinking about it. I only now just got my appetite back. I went about 3 days without eating a normal meal before last night. I am so hurt, and sad :frowning:

I don't want people bitching at me for trying to give him a chance here. I just want to know what other people would do. We've been dating almost a year! And I love him. And he loves me. He has no explanation for what he did. I mean, other couples go through things that are worse than this, and they can work through it. So do you think there is any hope left for us? I want him working his ass off to get me back. We're still together, but we both know that I could dump him at any minute, and honestly I want him scared shitless. He's scared but I think he's expecting it... And I don't know when I will even see him again. He lives 4 hours away until the fall when we had plans to live together. I had plans to see him next week, but now I'm doubting it, unless he wants to pay my way out there. I feel like taking part of the bus money and buying myself a sexy pair of shoes.

Oh, and mom really hates him for this. And says that he will probably never be welcome back in the house again :frowning: At least not for a long time. And I told him I hated him for what he did to me :cry: I love him, but I hate how he risked our relationship for some skank bitch that he hasn't even met in real life!

Do I think there is any hope left??

No. I dont. This isnt the first time this has happened ashley. He even lied to you again when you confronted him and he told you she was the only girl.. then you found more girls.

Hes basically proven that you cant trust him, that he wont change.. and is showing you that he has no interest in changing by basically going after other girls.

What he is doing is not okay. You guys live so far apart.. you have no idea what he is doing when you're not around. How do you know hes not telling girls he meets in person that hes single?? Its hard to have a relationship mostly through internet and telephone. Its also alot easier to lie through the phone and the internet.

You can do whatever you want.. but i think giving him another chance is stupid.. you've given him SOOOO many.. hes promised you SOO many things.. and there has been no progress.

Again, not being jerk-like, but I whole-heartedly agree with Steph on this one. People can only be slapped on the wrist so many times, before they have to be jailed. I'm all for giving people chances, but if it was me, and I found my girlfriend doing those things, I wouldn't think twice. But that's me.

Now see, you can't really do all those things, (and who knows for how long he was doing it) and change right like that. He may SAY he's trying, but it's easy to say so, so he'll have you, AND the girl that he meets at the bus stop near his house.
Having no explaination is worse, in my opinion, than having one. Saying "I don't know" isn't as redeeming as "I think we're having problems, and I need to do x, y, and z because x, y, and z aren't good enough with us." That give you a base to work off of, and a way to better your relationship, but saying "I don't know" is a cop-out, and the cowardly way out.
And that seems the key. (Granted I don't know you as well, as say, Stephie) You seem much more grown up than he does. You show emotion to what he's doing, you're affected by it, you care about him, and if he truly cared about you, then he would be able to explain things, and talk to you about it, not sweep it under the bed, and hope the mice eat it.

And Steph, very true. 4 hours is quite a good buffer between you guys. Going back, it'd be easy for him to be with you, and be with the girl at the DQ one night, etc...

What I would do?: Can 'im, say "I'm sorry, I can't do it anymore." and rise above.

I've got to admit, Ashley, that when you told me, I was in complete shock.. You are worth so much more than this. You are a lovely, sensitive and caring person with so much to give - and he just doesn't appreciate what he has!He hasn't even given you a valid reason as to WHY he has treated you this way, and why he felt the need to get naked pictures of other girls behind your back.If I was in your situation (and I have been there, believe me..), knowing what I know now, I would leave him, even though it might be the hardest thing I've had to do recently. I would try to realise that the person who deserves me won't do these things to me. They won't make me feel this crap about myself. How can anyone who loves you possibly lie to you in the way that he has? And make you feel like this?

He doesnt consider the photo from interpals worth anything. She deleted him anyways. she told me she sent it as a joke, and ill admit it wasnt a seductive photo at all. So he was telling me the truth when I asked him. and I went onto his account and didnt find any messages to any women there really worth getting upset at. It was just this one bitch really that he was friends with for a few years that sent him the pole dancing pics. shes a whore. Like, from what i've heard anyways. I dont mean to offend anyone that this has happened to, but she had an abortion a few months back and everything. and shes a poledancer? I mean... That doesn't seem exactly classy now.. does it.

I dont trust him. Not much at all, if any. He hurt me. He knows it. But the last two days he's actually dealing with the problem. Like, hes not trying to push me off anymore now. I think he realized just how bad it would be without me. (lol)

He's a total jerk. And i'm taking it day by day.

I agree with you on him changing so fast. But that's why I'm taking it slow with him. And he's not doing anything with anyone in person, in his defence. He works ten hours a day, and he comes home and goes to bed most the time. And I know he would never, ever, in his right mind, do anything like that. Because I actually think I would cut him if he did.He said "I don't know" A lot. But now he's saying "I love you, I'm sorry, I want us to work through this" etc. So he's coming around. He's very pig headed. and hates admitting he's wrong. Which proves my point on how stubborn he is.yes 4 hours is a long ways away, but we see each other every few weeks. But after this, I dont know when I will see him again. And its only over the summer so its not as bad as it sounds.

I was shocked too. But I had a weird gut feeling, and I went with my instinct. I hate being wrong, but I was really hoping I was wrong with this situation.No, he didn't give me a reason really. He said there isn't one O.o And he didnt get the naked photos of her after, just the ones of her clothed and poledancing. But she said she loved the idea of him getting turned on. I actually asked him if he masterbated to them and he said no, though. But I guess she looked sexy I dont think he does deserve me. But everyone deserves chances. Like I said in another post, I'm am taking this slooooooooooooooooooooooooow. thing is, he didnt really lie about the situation, he just didnt tell me. I found out myself. Not that it makes it any eaasier.

Wow, okay.. Update.

He texted me this morning. Asked me what my work schedule was. Told him I didn't know until tomorrow, and I asked him why.

He said "if you still want to come out next week you can".

I had plans to go out next week. WHAT THE HELL!?!?! what should I do? If I go out there, maybe then we could have a decent conversation about this shit. Or I could just stay away, and make him beg to see me whenever. But like, if he sees me in person it might help him realize how lucky he is that I'm even talking to him.

:confused:

maybe you don't sexually excite him enough. try harder. be a better woman. or maybe he is fucking useless and you should dumb his faggot ass. but you won't. (well most women don't)

what the fuck?!I don't sexually excite him??! Be a better woman?! Jesus.. Thanks for that.=/

maybe your 12 y.o. mind could see the sarcasm in that and read the rest of my post...

not to sound like an asshole (too much) but if you don't dumb and stay broken up with him, you are a real p.o.s who's bringing heartache on yourself. i see women do this all the time. pisses me off when people thinking 'working through the issues' (issues like that) is somehow noble and NOT degrading.

Yeesh.i don't know what I ever did to you to bring on this sort of like "RAWHHHH IM GONNA PISS ON YOUR FACE" attitude, but seriously.. its harsh dude.I'm not 12 thanks. I'm 21.and I dont understand this." but if you don't dumb and stay broken up with him, you are a real p.o.s"So hmm.. why don't you try and proofread your posts instead of like.. kicking me in the face while im down. I really don't know what you're talking about. O_okthx

expletive deleted. I am truly sorry about not proof reading my last post. Please change 'dumb' to 'dump'. Now go get some self-esteem and dumP his ass (forever). After you do that go find a 'worth-a-fuck' man. That is all.

holy shit man. Grow up, and go away.Like, how are you even allowed to still be on this site? You're a total jerk with NO respect towards anybody! GO AWAY.

How is my last post worthy of such an attack?

YOU CALLED ME A FUCKING SLUT. THAT'S WHY! And then you edit your post. Now GO AWAY.

What? I would never. You are in no way a slut. Just vulnerable and du... errr.... in need of guidance/good advice.

Yep.whatevvvvvv.I WILL get you banned if you keep it up. I guarentee it.

Okay. Do it.