If anyone has seen the movie chasing amy, thats pretty much what im going through. just without the lesbian stuff. for those of you who havent seen the movie, ill explain my situation.ive been going out with a girl for 6 months now. it was all great until we started talking about our pasts. im pretty innocent. ive only had sex with one other girl, who was my first girlfriend. but this girl on the other hand has had plenty of one night stands, had sex with a random guy she just met in a club toilet. this was just what she told me about. i found out some more for myself like her having a threesome with two guys she just met at a club and went home with one time. even as i write this i can hardly believe my words.ive known for a month or so now and it just eats away at me knowing thats shes done all this stuff. i think about it constantly. shes the greatest girl ive ever met. she loves me so much. all my family loves her. she beautiful smart and all that. this totally doesnt fit with the mental image i have of her. i dont understand why anyone would do that stuffi was so happy before i knew all of this and cant help comparing that to how i feel now. i still love her a lot and have tried to get past it. its about how you feel about a person and how they feel about you right. its just crushing to feel like i wont really be happy with this girl that i love.
Getting over her past
This may sound kind of harsh but her past is hers. We've all done things that important people in our lives wouldn't approve of or at very least don't want to know about. We're all human beings with pasts. You may want to see her as pure and discreet but your just going to have to get passed that. It's kinda like your mom doesn't want to think about you wacking to some kinky porn site with butter from the butter dish on the kitchen table, but ya have and she's either caught you or your sister did and told her about it. She doesn't want to hear about or think about it but there it is, but she loves you anyway and realizes that it's not something unheard of and goes on with life. That's what you need to do, realize it's not something unheard of and go on with life. How do you do that. Well, you feel what you feel and allow yourself to feel a little repulsed and shocked but you maintain your wits and don't let it affect your relationship and what you have now. Do that, maintain, and soon enough the feelings will pass. Don't try to repress what you feel, allow yourself to feel it, just DON'T LET IT AFFECT HOW YOU TREAT AND HANDLE YOUR RELATIONSHIP. I promise these feelings will pass.
Thanks OldFolks, i didnt find it harsh. I agree with what you're saying and the promise of these feelings passing is hopeful.
It's kind of like i still love her, but i think it would be easier if i didnt. I'm only 20, i feel like theres plenty of time to find someone without a past to get hung up on.
Ive talked to her about it and tried to understand it. but she just puts it down to being crazy and experimental and tried to comfort me by saying shes not like that anymore. im so disappointed in her for doing those things and so disappointed in myself for not being able to properly appriciate this amazing girl.
We are all the sum of our experiences, they are what make us who we are. Had she not had these experiences her views and decisions may be wildly different. Would you want her to be or act as someone different? I doubt it. You like her for the person she is and who she is, is the product of her past.... just like everyone else.
Reading what you wrote that she did brought back ALOT of memories for myself. I can say that the same would happen with alot of my female friends. Girls arent so innocent now a days!! I had been around the block and back when I met my boyfriend and he was in the same boat as you.. not as experienced. He didnt hold any grudges.. but he also didnt want to hear about it. Theres a reason she chose you and isnt having sex in bathrooms anymore!This is something that you need to get over because this isnt going to be the first time you run into something like this. If you really like this girl (which I assume you do because youve been dating for 6 months)..let her have her past. Dont hold a grudge. If she is someone who you truly care about and WANT to be with.. let it go. I bet there are alot of things you like about her that trumps her sexual past.
What the fuck do you care about whats in her past?her past is just the past. stop looking. I never ask my wife about before me, I dont want to fucking know, she avoids my past as well, what happened before we met each other has no bearing on what we have together.If you can not get over what she did before she met you, maybe your not mature enough to be in a relationship.
Originally Posted By: heart_in_a_cage
i dont understand why anyone would do that stuff I don't think you're being fair. If we were talking about a guy who had a bunch of one-night stands including a 3some with 2 girls, I doubt you'd sanction him so much.
heart_in_a_cage, if your girlfriend is wonderful now and in the future, I don't see the point of counting her past against her. That would be truly unjust.
I know how you feel, to a degree. My girlfriend of ~4 months has had sex with... I think 4 guys other than me (intercourse I think, but when you ask specific questions about this stuff you feel like the Spanish Inquisition). She's the only girl I've had sex with.
It bothered and intimidated me for a while. What really reassured me to the point of not minding, was finding great confidence in being a good friend to her, being a good lover, and understanding her regrets.