sorry for this INCREDIBLY cliche'd and regularly posted topic but just wanted somewhere to write down whats going on in my head because there isnt anyone i know i can talk to about it so just need to get it out somewhere. Hope you guys dont mind.
I've just turned 18 and throughout my teenage life i've had several straight relationships. However, have been constantly interested (if thats the right word to use) with homosexuality. Ive had several sexual relationships with women and am in one at the moment so i know that i am attracted to women. But i cant help but think of men when masterbating. When at home and i masterbate i think of men and i even get to the point when i sometimes convince myself i might be gay but after cumming i have no attraction to men anymore. its wierd :S the idea suddenly repulses me....only for an hour or so then the cycle eventually repeats. whether that is guilt or shame due to social teachings of homosexuality being bad acting on a subconcious level i dont know :S
For the past year i met a gay boy from my college and have been chatting/flirting over msn and even sent the odd picture to each other. I have a girlfriend at the moment and try to avoid flirting with him but i keep playfully chatting with him. It all gets a bit confusing and i dont know what it is i want. I dont know whether i should keep my homosexual fantasies as just fantasies or maybe indulge. I dont think there is much anyone can do to help me answer this problem as all this sexuality stuff is personal but if anyone has been in the same/similar situation what you did about it would be good to hear. Just needed to write down all my thoughts and share them with someone. thanks for reading!
p.s. first time posting so sorry if thoughts aren't very clear. never was any good at english.