So, I have a friend who tells me today that her boyfriend lied to her. Her boyfriends sister went on his comp and read in a message to a friend online that he was jerking off everyday, even though he told his girlfriend he wouldnt, so he would save it for her when he sees her again. He only sees her once every two or three weeks. She's upset, because he lied, and told a girl about it. she told me, and I wasnt sure what to say. Shes not mad over him masterbating, shes mad over him lying to her about it. He gets really defensive, and doesnt think its a big deal. She doesnt want him lying to her about anything, even something this silly. What should she do? :scream_cat:
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Lying about jerking off
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Personally I think your friend should talk to him about it frankly without feeling awkward if she does, and tell him she's not mad she just doesnt want him to lie about it. exactly what you said. But on the other hand maybe he feels awkward telling her that he jerks off, first off it's easier to tell friends certain things let it be a girl or guy and second sometimes guys, if they make a promise to there girlfriend and dont keep it, feel like they are doing something wrong and will keep it from their GF because of their unknowing of how she will act. Your friend should just make him comfortable and sort of joke with him as if it's not a big deal, and she should keep in mind that this kind of thing will happen.It's not necessarily lying as it is just an uncontrollable thing. not to give her boyfriend the benefit of the doubt, but you know we guys just get bored or whatever and do it, and maybe he didnt feel it was necessary to tell her i might not have been that big of a deal to him.I dont know if that helped, or if its understandable, but let me know.
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Yeah its a help, thanks. Shes mad at the fact that he lied to her, repeatedly about it. and she didnt masterbate at all in that period of time, but he did anyways. She has trust issues with him. and he gets defensive. she loves him, but she doesnt appreciate him lying and telling a random girl stuff that he cant tell her. i dunno, i copied and pasted what you said here to her over msn, and then i reworded what she said. lmao.
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It's probably easier to lie about something like this than explain to a GF who's a pain in the ass about why he doesn't want to "hold off" and "save it for her" every 2-3 weeks.
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lmao. its a mutual decision apparently. just for something to do.
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Mutual?? Yeah.. I'll bet... I'll bet it was her lovey-dovely idea for him(them) to save himself for her.. He just went along the path of least resistance, thinking.. Yeah sure... how's she going to know if I do or don't...
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She just said that one time when they held off doing anything for two weeks, that they had like, amazing hot sex. XD She said it was mutual. He said it was sooo worth waiting for one time. lol I dunno. dont shoot the messenger.
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you know (not in a bad tone) sometimes people only have room in there head to try something once. I know when I tried to quit smoking id say to myself okay this week I'm not smoking and I didn't for a whole week. and I felt great I could run for a longer distance I wasnt haking up a lung, then the following weeks I'd say the same thing to myself, "I'm not going to smoke" then I end up chain smoking because just that thought alone made me want to smoke. Now I've given up quitting until I have the will to do it again.Maybe he says it thinking he will, and then just thinking about not doing it makes him want to. and like i said before its not that big of a deal to tell her. it's not lying in his eyes or keeping a secret, it just... happens...She can't be so annoyed at such a small thing.By the way I'm flattered you used what I said in a conversation with your friend, hahaha.
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if he felt that way I think he should have just told her, instead of leading her on into thinking he wasnt doing anything. I think the fact that he lied about it is what upset her today. she seems a bit okay now, but still kind of frusterated.
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I think the two of them need to discuss a few things. First off, understand that honesty and communication are two of the most important things in a relationship. They need to learn to be honest with eachother reguardless what the other one will feel. Otherwise they're opening themselves up for an even bigger world of hurt. Secondly, they need to see that they are each their own person. While she can openly express that she would like him to save himself for when she's around, she hasn't any right to say he has to. This ends up bringing a new level of respect between them. Thirdly, they need compromise. If he really wants to be able to meet her desires, but knows he can't, he should talk to her about something near the middle. Maybe try masturbating when they're on the phone together, or something of the like. There's always a way to compromise and it often makes the situation a lot less tense.
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Originally Posted By: ashley69She just said that one time when they held off doing anything for two weeks, that they had like, amazing hot sex. XD Girls need to understand: All we need is to hold off for ONE DAY (or maybe even 12 hours) and we'll have amazing hot sex! ("Saving it" for three weeks?? That's just senseless.)
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I'll be honest with you, I can't hold off of masturbating for more than a week and I'm a woman. Then there's the slight issue of the guy not masturbating. In my experience, the less a guy masturbates, the more of a quickshot he is. Maybe he's just scared of prematurely drawing the gun....Guys don't always want to talk about their jerk off habits to their girlfriends. And it sounds like maybe it wasn't mutual. If he's not holding to it, and he's getting defensive about having been 'caught' then perhaps he didn't fully agree to start with. Oh ... and how did she find out again? It sounds like she's taken the sister's heresay ... and snoopage... at face value