Hey Everyone. A good friend of mine is going through a rough issue and needs some help, but didn’t feel comfortable making an account and asked me if I would post a thread for him. So if you guys could give some feedback, he’d really appreciate it. Thanks Guys!:)-------------------------------------------------------Hello everyone my name is Brandon. I’ll try and keep this has brief as possible.Just a bit of background, my ex and I broke up just a little over a year and a half ago, we were together 3 years. We have remained good friends; it was a mutual breakup. The main reason we broke up was because Sean, my ex, was really into partying at the clubs and he would use recreational drugs (nothing real hardcore mainly marijuana and he tried Ecstasy a couple times but didn’t like it) where I have always been the type who would rather stay home and “party” with friends, play cards… that type of thing. Plus I was also the responsible person in the relationship, made sure the bills were paid etc… I even bought a house when I was 20 years old, which everyone else thought I was crazy, but that’s just the person I am. I’m very responsible and grounded.Now I don’t want to give the wrong impression. Yes Sean loved to party, but he never cheated on me, always kept a stable job, and most importantly always showed me love. But the constant partying and the drug use really started to put stress on the relationship, as well as a few new friends he started hanging out with. Those new friends really didn’t like me because they felt that I thought I was better than them and a “downer” because I wouldn’t party and/or do drugs with them. All that combined just really started the fighting and tension.Oh and just to clear up, I really have no issue with people using Marijuana. I personally have never tried it but I have never had issues with Sean occasionally use it… it only became an issue when it seemed like he had to use it all the time to have fun, and when he tried Ecstasy really freaked me out.Like I said we remained good friends after the breakup. I briefly dated around a bit but eventually decided to stop dating all together and just really focus on myself and get over Sean this way when I did meet someone special I can really focus on the relationship and be fully invested without any baggage. I admit that I still had a few sexual experiences after deciding that until about 7 months ago when I decided I would stop having sex until I started dating again. (Not that I was a slut or anything lol.. just I admit every couple of months I’d fool around with someone).Sean and I have a lot of mutual friends and every time one of them would tell them that I fooled around with someone or they seen me talk to someone at the club they said Sean would start to get jealous and start asking a lot of questions. And same if he and I would talk and I told him I was talking to someone, he would start to act a bit jealous.Well anyways fast-forward to the other night (Sorry I know I said I’d make this brief). I was at work and Sean called seeing if I wanted to hang out and watch a movie later because he was bored. He came over that night and throughout the movie kept getting close and close to me and at one point his hand some how ended up touching mine and we ended up holding hands. It was really odd, yet it felt really good! By the end of the movie we were making out on the couch and things really started to get “hot and heavy” when I put a stop to it, telling him that I wasn’t sure it was smart for us to be doing that. But like I said it felt amazing but not sure if it was because it was Sean or the fact that it’s been so long since I’ve had any physical contact.So before he left we had a really long talk. He told me that he really misses me and what we used to have and he realized after dating a few people that what we had was really special and he misses us and that no one has even come close to comparing to me. I about melted right there as he was talking to me, he even had tears in his eyes telling me all this. I really thought I was finally over Sean; I even have a date scheduled for this weekend with a guy I have been talking to for awhile now. But now I just don’t know, it really brought back all these feelings I used to have.Also Sean has really changed for the better over the past 1 ½ years. He stopped hanging out with those other “friends” of his; he finally realized they were just using him. He also severely cut back on how much he smokes (Marijuana), and he’s back in college and working vigorously towards his degree. It’s like he reverted back to the guy I was with before things started to go south.But I guess my question is would it be foolish to give it another try? Or am I just fooling myself that things have really changed? Once a relationship fails once, is it possible to try again and make it work?I’m just really confused now, because I really thought I was finally over him. I’m also not so sure I should go on my date this weekend given everything that happened; just not sure it would be fair to the other guy.I appreciate you all for listening and VERY sorry for it being so long… I guess I had more to say that I thought lol. I’ll take any advise you fine people would be willing to give.Much Thanks!! ~Brandon
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Please help my friend!
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Give it another chance. People go through phases and people change and grow, that's just life.
Don't look at it as a matter of "has he changed," "has he not" look at this way, was what you had with him worth trying to get again. -
Brandon,Welcome. Say Hello to Eddie for me. He's a great friend!I'm not as trusting as most, especially whwen it comes to Ex's. I have been burned in the past and have a huge wall up at times when situations like this arise.Only you can tell if he's telling you the truth and or if he has really changed. Keep in mind of all of the things that he used to do to upset you, hurt you or make you mad and see if these things have changed. I would suggest dating him for awhile and see how things progress. before jumping right into the sucking and fucking stage. Onne that happens logic usually goes out the window...It will be very easy for you guys to fall back into the old routine becasue you're comfortable with each other and I can tell you still love him by the way you wrote, explained and justified his and your actions. Make sure he has matured alot and can take care of himself before signing up as another babysitter! Have him prove his track record is better now.Good luck and keep us posted as to what you have decided to do
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Brandon:Thank you Roc and OldFolks, I appreciate you replying to my problem. I know it was kind if a cluster of information all given at once.I ended up canceling my date I had this past weekend, I felt horrible! But given the latest confusion I thought that was the best route so I didn’t get this guys hope up or get myself anymore confused. As for the whole Sean situation I am just not sure yet, I’m still rather confused. I think you are right, Roc, I think I do try to justify his actions, whether they are right or wrong, because of my love for him. I’m just scared that I am using these justifications to try and get back something that might no longer be there or try and get back something I lost.I will say, however, that ever since that night with Sean I have been on Seventh Heaven. It’s the same feeling you get when you start dating someone you are really attracted to and all you can do is think about them and fantasize about them. It’s total adrenaline. Sean and I did have another talk over the weekend, and I told him that I think we need to start back at the dating stage and “get to know each other” again. He agree, but I got the feeling he was hoping for more, but like I told him I just feel like if we are going to really make it work this time we need to move slowly and rebuild. Like the saying goes you cannot build a home without proper foundation and expect it to weather the storms.I’m really excited about the possible future, yet I am also a bit scared and cautious. I was just really hurt when Sean and I broke up. I built my life around him and I am just scared that it will happen again. I told Sean about this fear and told him that it’s going to be his responsibility to reassure me that it will never happen again.Again thank you both for your help
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Don't build your life around anybody. Make them a part of your life. Avail yourself to be apart of theirs but don't build your life around anyone other than you. You'll only get disappointment.
