shalom good peoples of great listening powers for about three years now i have had this nagging feeling in the back of my head caused by me delving into issues way above my maturity level. such as why are men and women still tied to such rediculous customs and standards in society.side tracking for a good purpose here, i have had an ongoing argument with my girlfriend about future plans; being she sees nothing more in her future than settling down and raising six kids and she is okay with that. my side being that i know for a fact that she is a literary genius who has way more potential than being a brood mare for the state. and that the tradition that the kitchen is womans place is a tradition that should be categorized with the running with the bulls. and the fact that the only reason for her thinking thats all she can be is her mother drilling it into her head, whom i might add raised nine kids anyhoo, all this inspired three years of deep thought into the subject of social acceptance and the male and female roles in society which only brought about doubt and confusion in my own mind. what it all boils down to is im not sure if im supposed to be a man, physically that is. i just cant get the idea out of my head that i would have been better off as a womannot exactly sure if there is anything that can help me solve this completely fucked up dilema my mind has created but i do know if there is its probably here
I don't know that I can help much with your particular gender identification, but it seems to me that your issue with your girlfriend isn't really about gender roles, but about you both as individuals. Your girlfriend may be a great writer, but if she prefers to raise children rather than write, isn't it a bit presumptuous of you to tell her it's beneath her? Both writing and motherhood are creative; both are also hard work. Shouldn't she be allowed her choice?
Maybe she could become a great writer of children's stories. There's always a need for that.
With regard to your gender identity issues, do you feel uncomfortable being a man? Do you feel like being a man is wrong for you in more than just the roles society thrust upon us? Have you always identified and felt like you were supposed to be a woman? Short of those sorts of feelings your probably over-thinking things.My mom has a transgender friend, she used to be a he, according to her its pretty obvious to the person effected that they are in the wrong body, what they choose to do about it, and how they choose to live, is where the point of self contention and angst comes in.
to ineligible: its not that doesnt want to write or move on with some future plans for a career. she loves expressing herself through her art and literature and she told me she would do anything to be able to make a career out of it, but she believes that its beyond her and shes not good enough which i know is anything but true. up until three years ago it was her goal to do so. and her mother started "training her" to be a proper wife. ive overheard only a couple of these little sessions and most were not pretty. i do believe her mother is beating the individuality out of her "because thats what god made you for!" to kims mother, her dreams and aspirations are the devils work and are caused by bad influences in school. which is part of my reasoning that just because youve always done it that way doesnt mean its not incredibly stupid
to the zen master of wisdom, oldfolks:
ive never really put much thought into anythng before. and youre probably right about me overanalysing things but i cant but feel that something about me is durastically wrong, i mean every time i look in a mirror i just feel disgusted like im looking at one of the morbidly obese people on jerry springer (you know the ones that have the ass that folds over both sides of a king size bed and touches the floor, or would have easily got job as jaba the hut)
"to the zen master of wisdom, oldfolks:"I'm not sure if that's a swipe or a compliment. With regard to your girlfriend all you can do is be a counter point to her mother. Keep reminding her, in non-confrontational ways, that she has other talents and the ability to pursue them as well as her role as a mother. Compliment and build up this creative part of her so that she doesn't forget or belittle her talent. That way should she ever desire to pursue it she will have some confidence in herself to be able to take that first step. Ultimately the decision is hers and in reality whatever she decides for whatever reason there is little anyone else can do to change it. All you can do is try to give her some confidence in her ability to live life to please herself rather than you, her mother, her father or anyone else.>>>"...every time i look in a mirror i just feel disgusted..."About?
that wasnt a swipe at ya, ive read alot of your stuff on here and usually your posts are the most logical answers i do understand its her life her decisions, it just scares me a little seeing her give in on anything that easily and to the last question, everything. my body, my mind, who i was, who ive become, everything just feels wrong. like i was ment to be something else but fate or whomever controls it messed up and here i am a 19 year old guy still living with his parents working full time at a wendys barely making it through college classes. a database of completely useless facts and with no motivation. i mean i know enough about computers, physics, quantum theory, and historical reference to put an MIT proffessor to shame, yet i cant even pass a math class with a decent grade.over 19 years ive been reduced to that kgb comercial guyshudders
Allow me to explain something about life to you while your still young. Its knowledge I did not gain till I was in my 30s, consider this a hand up.
90% of that shit in school? its worthless, unless you go in to a specific field of work, your not gonna use it.
Learn it, understand it, pass the test, get the fucking degree, and get the fuck out. THat applies to college as well as high school and elementary. Im 38, and aside form the math and english, I have not needed jack shit that i learned in school.
I liked history, and several others, but after school know what it did for me?
Made me a fucking grand champion of trivial pursuit. Thats it. Oh and I can get high and talk endlessly about it, boring people nearly to fucking death.
19 and living at home eh?
arent you a loser!?
a big 19 and not out on your own and rich yet, sheeshus!
Get real, the world moved on, the economy is broken, times are hard all the way around. Im 38, 20 years of experience runing equipment, certified through any fucking program you can think of for heavy equipment, I can weld, I can deal with high places with no thoughts at all, trained (not currently certified) as a level 2 EMT, certs falling out my ass in radioactive waste, waste treatment,explosives, nerve agents, and a CDL with explosives endorsements and hazardous wastes, certs in hazwopper, and several others.
I got no fucking job and can not find one. Its why I started my own business, in fact I started 5 of them, for one reason or another 3 died, 1 still do part time to pay bills, and the last? well we shall find out what the future holds in that field.
There is no real jobs that pay decent wages that you can live on to be had.
If I was 19, living at home, and attending school, Id be happy to have a job at wendys flipping fucking burgers and asking if they wanted to get a large for 50 cents more.
In 1989 it was different, by the time I was 19 I was working in a death trap shit hole form midnight till noon 3 days one week and 4 the next making 40 grand a year.
THe days of exchanging your life and health for cash are over. Get the education, do what you love, an stop thinking that you should be anywhere but where you are.
And consider yourself lucky to have the opportunity to do it.
Well thanks for the compliment.I understand exactly where your coming from and I don't think it has anything to do with gender identity issues. To me, it sounds like frustration and disappointment with yourself in a number of areas that you know you have potential to be something better. For instance you know your smart but you lack the will, or if your like me the desire, to put those smarts toward something concrete. You know you can have it "goin' on" but the work to really be a lady killer doesn't seem worth it. You know you were more at one time and you've just kinda let it slip away. You know you've got potential it just seems like everything is stacked against you and you let it hold you back. On top of all that, your probably a generalist trying to get by in world that no longer has any use for generalists and demands everyone be a specialist. It's frustrating.I know that, I've been there, I'm still there. While I've never had the ambition to fix most the of things I don't like about myself I do have an idea how to go about it. Find the smallest thing that's easiest to fix and work on that. For me that was how I dressed. I used to dress like a transient. So I started researching proper dress and attire and actually enjoyed learning about arcane grooming tips and methods. It was that much more useless knowledge to add to my already packed arsenal of useless knowledge. So, I fixed that one aspect I didn't like about myself. Then I moved onto something else. It's just a matter of having the will to stick to something long enough to transform you habits. Find a way to make it interesting and make it second nature and before you know it that's one less thing you don't like about yourself. I'm not telling you it's easy I'm just telling you a method to do it and that it can be done.
Originally Posted By: GrvtykllrI liked history, and several others, but after school know what it did for me?Made me a fucking grand champion of trivial pursuit. Thats it. Oh and I can get high and talk endlessly about it, boring people nearly to fucking death.Now Chance that's a pile of shit and you know it. It's by study of removed subjects that we gain knowledge and develop the ability to apply that knowledge to similar problems we face in day to day life. In particular, it is by studying history that we learn to better recognize bullshit when we hear it or read it. Sugar is dropping and I'm shaking so bad I can't hardly type.
THEN EAT or get a drink! My point scotty was not that its worthless as a whole, but that the important thing is to get through it, get the grade and move on.If your a doctor, or going to be one, you need to learn all that shit in medical school, but that shit in woodshop? who fucking cares! history was a shitty example, it is important, knowing it assures us that we do not repeat the mistakes of the past.
well calm down there champ cant we all just get along,and i dont quite get the sugar comment
They weren't talking to you and don't worry, they aren't fighting.
If me and scotty were fighting, I know I can throw out better, more uhh creative shit than I did, and Id bet he could as well.This is just how I talk. I transfer that to type. Im the same online as off.Scotty on the other hand (old folks) I am willing to bet would be much more fun offline in person than he is on this site.He however, continues to refuse my invitations to come spend a few nights in my house and take in a comedy show like cheech and chong live in wendover later this month, a scant 120 miles away from me, or come camping with me in the high uintas and smoke a bowl by the camp fire.So till something changes, I suppose we shall never know for sure, but Id bet he is.
No we're not fighting, just tossin' a little shit around. Not even wet sloppy shit just hard dried up little turds that would be starting to crumble in another week anyway.So I'm no fun on this site, huh? Well fuck you, ya Jesus lookin' violent, womanizing, hippie motherfucker. Believe me if I could get the hell out of here I would be there in a second. And I'm going camping up around tree line later this month on the front range of the Rockies. I guess, I could come out and maybe between the two of us we could get bob's mick little ass out there when he comes over next year... that sounds like a plan.
and a good plan, figure out dates and let me know.