I have an amazingly great boyfriend, and an incredible best friend but i’m pretty torn when it comes to talking to them about stuff,I can tell my best friend everything which is solely about myself, but I feel like a shitbag for doing so, as that’s what my boyfriend wants me to be able to do with him. But everyone needs someone who they know is there for them 24/7, and for me that’s him. Like as soon as they found out my nan died they turned up on my doorstep so i could get everything off of my chest, it's the same with most things, calling me when i'm upset, asking me to go out when i'm stressed out and asking me to hang out just to enjoy each other's company without a time limit, as he lets himself relax, and only takes up a couple of things outside college.But the problem is that he used to like me and my boyfriend doesn't want me getting close to him. And because he used to like me, i keep having to turn him down because otherwise he could get too close- i trust him but my boyfriend doesn't, so I ask permission from my boyfriend every time I go to see him.I can’t tell my boyfriend everything because he’s really under pressure at the moment, and understandably, that can make him snappy and defensive, and feel as though I’m blaming him for certain things, so I dislike confiding in him about certain subjects, and can unintentionally make me feel worse about what I’m down about by passing judgment and making me feel unreasonable for being down about something by saying; ‘there is no need for you to be upset’ so I simply don’t tell him. I get pretty irritated with the pair of them sometimes, as it’s as though they’re competing to see who I prefer, by who gets told what first. They can both tell me everything that’s bothering them, but I can’t tell either of them, so I’m feeling pretty damn lonely, and torn between telling them because they’re pretty competitive, sometimes I just feel like yelling ‘I’m not a fecking job!!’ I wanted to get this off my chest as there’s no one here I can tell this to, but I’m also really confused at what’s best for everyone, I need someone to confide in, but there isn't anyone at the moment which i can, should i try to talk to my best friend about this? Or is that unfair on my stressed-out boyfriend who wishes he could be there as my bestie can?
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Torn :S
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(you know why i'm laughing) :PYou need to think of yourself sometimes. You're right, everyone needs someone to confide in, and someone who they know is there 24/7 and if they happen to be either your best mate, or your boyfriend, then so be it. If your boyfriend's snappy atmo then don't feel bad for not telling him stuff, you want to but your scared of being reproached. Just know that your bestie (and im sure there are others hm^^) are here for you 24/7, i understand why you feel so isolated from what you can't tell them, but the important thing is that you want to, and you will when you feel like you can without their competing or your boyfriend acting authoritive and snappy. When he says stuff like 'there's no need to be upset' ignore it, its your feelings and you have a right to feel what you feel, specially considering you always have good reasons for why you feel like you do. some people find it hard not to be single minded.You may feel pretty damn lonely but you'll tell people when youre ready, and when theyre a bit more accepting, just take your time and dont feel mean
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Perhaps some advice from a greater distance:A lot of problems happen from assuming you know what another person is thinking, without actually talking about it. Sometimes the other person doesn't have the fears you think he has; sometimes he has fears you don't know about. The only solution is real communication, rather than guessing.
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Well, just my opinion, but if your boyfriend isn't your best friend that you can tell everything to, maybe there's a problem there??
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Thanks for the advice people ^^, i took it all into account and we spoke about it to clarify everything and we're trying to be there for each other more.I understand what was meant when the point of him not being my best friend/ boyfriend being a problem, but i'm treating him more as a friend now than i used to as well as being a boyfriend, i suppose in reality he always was my best friend but i felt a little insecure for a while which made it seem as though he wasn't. Luckily this is allll better now :).Thanks again everyone!