Having a Sexual Appetite

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So this is one of the things that I worry about when I loose my virginity. I don't want sex to be the all consuming, controlling factor in my life. I don't want that to be the focus of every guy interaction. I don't want sex to change me, but from different comments that I 've read on this site and others, I fear I be like everyone else. Like I'll have to have sex. Though people thinks it's healthy and great to have sex with the one you love, etc..., but I like how I am now. I don't worry about having sex, well until I meet a guy I like and think he won't be in to me if he knows I'm waiting. I like the freedom. I'm not one of those people masturbating all the time or constantly thinking about sex. I like that I don't have the urges to do this natural thing everyone else is doing. I like the control I have over my body, God knows I can't control anything else.

you gotta practice self control when it comes to sex.. I know what its like to be a nympho.. i know what its like to sleep with random people just because i want to get laid. Those are bad decisions..Having lots of sex with someone you love is very healthy.. having lots of sex with random people is not... you gotta know the difference. Just make sure you wait for that special one and dont give it up until you feel the timing is right.

Thank you for replying. :smile:
I've definitely already made up my mind wait 'til I'm ready. I'm just afraid of the after effect.

Hey, this may not be a very helpful reply but I just wanted to say that I am happy to see that someone else considers that kind of stuff important as well. Personally I think that If you understand completely what you are going to do and why you are doing it before hand and if you do it with someone you love it can only change who you are in a good way.
You sound like a level headed person so I'm trusting you aren't suddenly going to go sleeping around with every available guy. Besides, just because you have sex one doesn't mean you've lost control. If the guy you did it with wants to do it again and you don't then just say 'no'. You always have that right no matter what anyone says.

It is helpful, thank you.

Okay, I'm going start off by saying I lost my virginity at 18 to my boyfriend of 9 months (who I was crazy about) and I wish I hadn't. At the time, I wasn't emotionally ready to take that big step and when he broke up with me, I went crazy. If you're anything like me (and it sounds like you are), sex is a big deal. It's something you want to give someone you love who loves you back. Sex creates a whole different sort of emotional attachment which is much more difficult to put aside if things get sour. After he broke up with me, I became depressed and lost a lot of respect for myself. Before I met my current boyfriend who pulled me out of my slump and brought me back to my senses, I let two different guys take advantage of my self-loathing by sleeping with them. Even though I didn't want to, I didn't care enough to stop them. It haunts me constantly, especially since I didn't know either of these boys sexual history and could have easily acquired an STD. Save yourself for someone who respects you. Someone you love who loves you in return. And make sure you know their sexual history first. It makes me sad to think about the other girls my boyfriend was with before me and vise versa. We don't let it affect things, but we do know that if we had saved ourselves for eachother it would have made our relationship even more special. Don't worry. If a guy tries to pressure you into sex and you clearly don't want to, he isn't worth your time. Your body is worth so much more than that because YOU control who gets it.

I'll definitely wait 'til I'm ready. I just hate the way I feel after being rejected or fear of rejection (like after they find out that I'm a virgin and waiting), even if I know that us not being together was for the better. I just want to be wanted... I need to keep perspective.

I'm a guy, and I'd like to add a guy's perspective.I definitely know that having sex changes things in a relationship, and I very much respect your decision. But you have to know that a boy's body needs to ejaculate. In a serious loving relationship without intercourse, please make sure you offer him something...a good occasional release with your hand or oral. After the release, the orgasm and ejaculation, our male body is satisfied. And whether it happened in your hand or in somewhere else actually won't make that much difference for a guy who loves you and respects that you are not ready for actual intecourse. I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound sexist.

What if she's not ready for mutual masturbation or oral sex? Does she still have the responsibility of getting him off?

I'm definitely not down for oral. I don't want anything in or around my mouth.I would be okay with hand jobs, but I've never been in anyone's personal space like that before.

Come on, it's not like the "boy" doesn't know how to ejaculate. What would he be doing if he wasn't in a serious relation, not touching is penis, ever? It's not like I would be completely unaffectionate towards him, but it's not like I have him tied up in a room somewhere and someone how he's not allowed to ejaculate or receive pleasure (that sounds like a interesting porn plot).

Originally Posted By: TangledWeb

...I've never been in anyone's personal space like that before.
That's exactly what sexual intimacy is all about. Being very comfortable allowing someone to be that close and personal with you. What I was trying to say is that it gives the boy something in the relationship that, in my opinion, is almost as exciting/thrilling/emotionally satisfying as actual intercourse. Yes, he knows how to jack himself off. But it is so intimately close to let someone else into that "personal space" and do that to us.

It's also very vulnerable for a guy to let his girlfriend do this, because it almost obligates him to "perform" (to reach orgasm by HER hand, and ejaculte). Knowing that you WANT to try, and WANT to learn how to please him that way will make him extremely emotionally involved with you.

Good points, I agree.I got really close to being in someone's personal space once, but it didn't work out between us. He wanted to just be friends, and "takes things as they come"...I should have never agreed to that. It's like saying, 'Sure, let's be friends with benefits, I don't actually want anything from you.' But who am I kidding, I might not have gone all the way, but I definitely wouldn't have minded giving him a hand job. I actually sort of, subconsciously insinuated with my foot, but he stopped me.