Not ok with this fetish thing...

---

hi all,

Forgive my jumping in with both feat, as I have literally just registered on the boards here, but I thought this place might be a safe one to discuss what I'd like to bring up. I'll try to make this post short and to the point, even though I do have an unfortunate tendancy to bloviate to little purpose.
I have two specific fetishes, plushophilia (attraction to stuffed animals) and vorarephilia (enjoyment of someone being eaten.) I have had these for many years, I believe they started when I was 10 or so, when I discovered the joys of fur which adorned my top shelf :D. I'm simply put, not ok with this. I have had two relationships now, and 12 years have passed. Both of my girlfriends had to contend with the fact that I was sexually, physically, not interested in them, or very robotic when responding to them physically. I would honestly get board during sexual activity, so I always had music on so at least I could focus on something of interest to me. Naturally, this damaged our relationships. The vore fantasies, which are violent and of course, impossible in real life, didn't help. I remember so clearly my first girlfriend's comment that, "you've got a naked girl in your bed and you're holding a stuffed tiger..." I've never forgotten that, nor was I able to prevent the obvious arousal I always had at the touch of fur, or the talk of bloody torturous death, - arousal which she herself was unable to engender in me. I've simply had enough...I have tried giving this up, literally forgoing all sexual activity with fetishistic overtones. It has been done and I failed. Over a month passed, by the end of which I was almost unable to work, had very violent dreams and eventually surrendered to my interests. It does not help that the fantasies of the past fail to satisfy me. Vore is of course, text only for me, and I have noticed everything becoming harder, darker, more violent, and I have seen this pattern for several years now. Telling my longstanding girlfriend that I had thoughts of young girls getting brutally ripped apart by wild beasts was, to say the least, not an easy conversation. Just a casual depiction of such acts years ago now does not interest me, it must be harder, rougher, with more pain and torture than before, or else I am left board even by that.
To finish, I've had enough, and even the acceptance of some close friends of my interests - they saw the plush openly displayed around my room and I told them - has not prevented my own complexes. I want this gone, done with and I would like to have a relationship unencumbered by such bagage.
Where the hell do I go from here?

Welcome to A2A, Bermudianbrit. This is a safe place to bring up issues that bother you. I am not qualified to answer your questions, but there are plenty of others on here who are. Just give it a little while for a response.

Welcome to A2A, Bermudianbrit.Whether it is possible to change paraphilias is very controversial. Some behaviouralists consider it can be done by behavioral means (by associating thoughts to be suppressed with bad sensations, and thoughts to be encouraged with good sensations), but the method is very stressful, and results have tended to be negative and temporary. I don't know what to suggest.

You should try to slowly cut down your fantasies little by little until you have gained control over it so you can enjoy it once in a while without it affecting your life or your relationships with others. Quitting at once will indeed affect you badly. Try to keep fewer furry things around your home. Ask your girlfriend to wear furry lingerie and other stuff (if she is willing to help you) so you can actually touch some fur and also feel her skin alternatively. This will help you to have fun with her. Later you can ask her to wear lesser fur and gradually stop using the fur and touch her skin more. It may help you shift your interest from fur to her body.The other fetish of yours it's best to slowly quit reading books about it. Try to change to some softer content and after a few weeks change to more softer content until you get to a level where it's comfortable and doesn't trigger an urge towards more violent stuff. As I said before make changes slowly and over a period of time. Don't make drastic changes. As you pointed about your fetish of wanting more and more brutal stuff. Try not to give in to such urges if possible. If you really want to quit these then you need to have will power and time. You can't change it in 1 week or 1 month. It will take more time like 6 months or even a year, maybe longer. The best way to is to do it slowly. It's not difficult to gradually change.The fetishes may not completely go away but also they may not be bothersome either. Set a time to enjoy your fetish once in month or so. The rest of the time don't think about it. It's best to accept what you like and keep a control on it so it doesn't "take-over" your daily life. Set a limit when you are comfortable enough to do so. Always keep in mind that reality and fantasy are two different things. One can enjoy fantasies in imagination but not in real life.You should consult a doctor or therapist about your problems. There maybe an underlying cause for it so a doctor can look more into the problem and help you in a better way. This type of behavioral patterns sometimes occur alongside other disorders. There may be an underlying cause or there may not be one. It's best to check it out before it gets worse. I am not an expert and I am not even sure if what I said above will help you but it is worth a try if you like. It is also something I did to get rid of some of my problems and to change myself in the past. I didn't suffer from the same problem as you but it was kinda similar. However, I had my imagination and reality mixed up and needed meds. It took me few years to get rid of it completely but it has left me with some "scars" which I am really not happy about.It's not easy to get rid of paraphilias. I don't believe that ignoring it completely or negative suggestions about it help in treating all cases though some may respond to it. I think accepting what you like and setting some limits is the best approach and may work well for some cases. Only thing is one should not let it control your life.

@ bermudian

You said this started when you were 10. I bet there are some kind of triggers in your childhood. Can you think of any such things? Did you have a traumatic experience of any kind?

I think with these problems you could either seek help from a psychologist or a pastor who has experience with deliverance which might not be so easy to find because there is also a lot of trash out there especially in the deliverance field.

If you only had the attraction to furry toys then one could lable with as weird but the other stuff is totally vile and definitely not normal which you most likely also know.
How you interpret those problems also depends on your standpoint. An atheist would try to explain it in a materialistic way but somebody who is not an atheist would also consider the possibility of your problem being something spiritual and in such a case you needed spiritual help.

hi,firstly, I'm not an inherently religious person and I'm not likely to tell anyone like a pastor/person of that kind what I'm into, there is simply too great a risk that it be rejected and further complications result, especially among such conservative people. As for my childhood, nothing too drastic happened, in truth. I had problems iwth people, was often socially excluded partially due to my blindness, but it was never a major major event like the one you're trying to find. Thanks for the other advice though. I'm honestly not sure I have the will power for that but its good advice, none the less.

I agree with what Saya had to say.Trying to change what arouses somebody is a pretty hard thing to do. Accept these things as fantasy, set reasonable limits on that fantasy, and leave it at that. Once you accept this as part of yourself the trauma it's causing you will be lessoned which may help in your desire to control your thoughts on the subject. If through acceptance of self you can reduce some of the sexual "danger" and the excitement that engenders along with restricted/reduced external (web sites and such) focus on the subject you may find the fetish loses some of it's luster. Rather than fight the fetish directly, develop a strategy to outsmart your own mind. I hesitate to mention this next method of coping because I've only read of it once, several years ago, and have no idea how well it works, so do some research before attempting it or perhaps someone here can comment on it. Anyway, try finding a more personally acceptable fetish. The idea I think is to find something else that can bring the excitement but is something that doesn't leave you feeling like shit after. Instead of cannibalism, try sub/dom stuff if works for you. Like I said I don't know much about this and have some reservation about whether I think it could really work or not. What made me think of it was your fur fetish. If that gets you off why not put your efforts into that source of arousal. There are a lot of people who like fur and I would think it would be healthier to be a part of that community, so maybe you can forget about, ignore and let some of the more unwanted desires fade away.

Originally Posted By: OldFolksAnyway, try finding a more personally acceptable fetish. The idea I think is to find something else that can bring the excitement but is something that doesn't leave you feeling like shit after. Instead of cannibalism, try sub/dom stuff if works for you.er...about this method, I don't think it safe for some people and may not work well. I have tried this method once when trying to quit one thing and I ended up with two problematic things instead. In the end I chose to accept and limit my problems to have a better life. To Bermudianbrit:When one tries to change something about themselves, quit a habit or fetish it feels awful at first and you feel like you lack willpower to take any steps. As in my previous post, changing slowly doesn't bother a person much and you get good results. Before you say you lack willpower, why don't you give it a try for some time. No fetish or habit can be quit quickly. You also need to accept yourself. Having such fetishes doesn't necessarily affect a person's life if they are in moderation. Compared to your fetishes...my problems were far worse since I crossed the "line" between reality and imagination for a while. Don't think that having such fetishes will affect your social life and acceptance from others. Everyone has a few fetishes, some are normal and some are not. Sometimes people let it get out of hand and affect their lives while others keep it under control and enjoy themselves. Where one draws the "line" is up to each individual. What you like is what you like and what you dislike is what you dislike. Don't make up things like "I love candy, it's sweet and yummy. I can't help eating it and enjoying it. I also hate eating it as it has too many calories and I care about my teeth". (though I say candy here, I was thinking about chocolates)It's a lame example but my point should be clear. This kind of "thoughts" are what confuse a person the most. If one likes candy a lot then have it once in while and brush your teeth. It will not affect your calorie intake or your teeth, it's not such a big deal. (I am not talking about a diabetic person here!) And there are also sugar-free and low-calorie versions available. There is no need to eat too much candy and hate yourself or deprive yourself of it and suffer every time you look at a candy at the store you walk past or a wrapper lying around or a kid eating candy in an ad. If your fetish is in moderation I don't think others will find it odd. They will accept you as you are. You should also remember that all people don't think alike and there are people who will not accept such things cuz of their cultural, religious or their own views. Some may find your fetish disturbing. While some may even like to wear a fur-suit and try to have fun with you. It's not that bad, think a bit positively. Things can turn out well in the end. It's your decision to do as you like and choose what you want. All we can do is try to help you. The choice and effort to take any steps is up to you.Something from my life...I hate cockroaches and used to get panic attacks if I saw one. Now I just walk past one, no problem. I secretly tell the damn insect to stay away from me. I hate it but it's not the cockroaches fault that it looks gross. Those damn things are also fascinating and have survived millions of years! I never thought that I would be able to do get over the "roachy triggered panic attack" (dont laugh at my naming sense!). I do hate them for their appearance gives me goosebumps but I respect the tough bastards! I no longer have panic attacks and I have not killed a roach in my life.>>before-panic attack unable to squish the roach>>>now-respect for their little but strong existence, unable to squish the roach. okie...I am bad at getting close to Mr.roachy!!! I am still working on it! One day I plan to hold a roach in my hand maybe it's possible, maybe not but I know I will not squish the roach. Things can change in one's life. Just try...it may happen.Talking about spiritual stuff, meh...I rather stay an atheist and deal with problems myself.

@ bermudianI can understand that you'd be afraid of talking to this with a pastor but he shouldn't condemn you or anything like that. I was only suggesting that I think that such kinds of obsessive problems could have a spiritual dimension. I do not believe you can fix everything with a pill. And especially since you do not like this fetish you seem to suffer from it and not want it. I do not think that you can simply replace one fetish with another one which is less gross as somebody suggested here. You said you're blind are you totally blind? Can you move around on your own without help? Where do you live in the UK? If you could tell us your city then I could try to find wether there's a church there which looks promising and then you could simply email them and tell them about your problem. You wouldn't have to go anywhere and expose yourself you could first of all try to email someone and here what he has to say or talk to him on the phone and stay anonymous. But there is no guarantee that you find somebody who can really help and who knows how to help not all pastors know how to help people and know what to say. I've also had some talks with pastors and they couldn't really help me but maybe it would be worth a try you have nothing to lose if you just email them and hear what they have to say.

Originally Posted By: tonymI can understand that you'd be afraid of talking to this with a pastor but he shouldn't condemn you or anything like that.Is there any proof he won't condemn? Originally Posted By: tonymI've also had some talks with pastors and they couldn't really help me.If they couldn't help you then how can they help him?

What proof? I said no pastor should condemn a suffering person which comes for help. Of course there could be some who might do it but that's simply how people are some people suck.And I also said that not all pastors know how to help that's why those who I talked to couldn't help me either but this doesn't mean that there might not be some who know how to help.

What ever...I don't want to indulge in a debate on religious vs atheist points of view.

Thanks you, Saya, I had wondered if that would the result of such a diversionary tactic.

You are welcome Scotty. :smile:

I'm religious and I don't think most pastors would have the background to deal with this sort of issue. Most likely he would be alone with God and trying to deal. I don't think that's safe. He needs someone that's familiar, has a degree in psychology, and has experience with dealing with the issue. He needs someone that can provide feedback and not just his own voice inside his head, I imagine he's been alone with his thoughts and that's hasn't been good.