Love=like? want opinions.

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dearest Jade, its best to end it right here and right now. My ex was the same and he always tried to change me and never ever agreed with my ideals or thoughts. I suffered for a long time and finally broke up. now he is stalking me (-__-) the guilt trips you feel...my ex made me feel guilty just cuz i was sitting or singing a song. it was super sick.

I dont believe this guy can change if he is so into his beliefs that he speaks about "evil" when having sex with you! You are free to make your own choice Jade, so make the right choice and free yourself. I am saying this from my own 14 years of awful relationship's experience with a fool. I dont want you to suffer like i did. best of luck.

OH MY GOD thats so funny. for one, i already did that, and 2, i was just singing that song b4 i read that post. lmao.
and not just the bit they put in the opening theme, either...i tried singing the whole thing for him recently (ive been working on memorising it lately), but he interrupted me and told me that he had to tell me something: he didnt believe in the big bang theory either.
last night, however, i had a serious talk with him. we basically used my old motto from my community college days: dont get stressed, get organised. what we basically did was sit down (over the phone) and make a list of all the things we either dont like about eachother or things that are causing problems. after we got all that out, we just talked for a bit and it felt a lot like how it was before the fights started...
neway, we worked out almost all the issues we've been having, both of us deciding on things that we need to work on (i'm not perfect, either. i tend to have problems showing affection but love affection just as much as he does. i also need to defend him more often in front of my friends). the only problem we still have is that he wants to become a dce, and im majoring in biology. he told me that the basic issue he has w/me talking about science or math is that i use a lot of jargon that he doesnt understand...so really, he's willing to learn, i just need to explain things to him before going off on some scientific lecture. and i told him that im fine w/him being religious, as long as he respects me and my views and doesnt try to convert/change me. i guess he didnt realise he was doing that, he just wanted to "answer my questions" about the universe. i told him that i dont believe that any mortal or text could really fully answer these questions, and we left it at that.
he really is a nice guy...we do have one thing in common. we're both very overapologetic. so of course, he spent almost the entire time saying sorry and feeling crappy. is it bad that i dont feel bad at all, making him feel crappy like that? sometimes i wonder about myself.

saya- i just got ur post. im out of time now, but i'll respond when i can get back 2 a computer (lappy's out of commission)

I did that exact same thing about 20 times before my boyfriend hit, raped, emotionally abused me and manipulated me into staying by promising change.People dont change. See how long it lasts.

Jade there are many guys in this world and i am sure you will find someone who treasures you as you are and love you. its only been 7 months and you are facing these problems. think about what will happen if this goes on for a longer time. I dont believe anyone should try to change another person, whether its him or you. its best if he finds a girl that matches his wavelength and beliefs. if you stay with him, in future you will face problems. he will again say something, make you feel guilty, etc etc and then again apologize. this sort of apologies mean almost nothing since the mistakes will be repeated again.

my ex would make fun of me, emo-blackmail me, make me feel guilty, force me to do stuff, wouldnt understand WTF i was talking about since he has zero idea about science and make a "puppy face" when i told him to FO which made me feel like i hurt a small puppy. it was honestly ridiculous. all his apologies meant nothing, he would do or say as he pleased. i first thought he was the one for me and tolerated him for a long time only to realize that i was being played with and also that i didnt feel safe. even after break up he doesnt understand that "i dumped him"!

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is it bad that i dont feel bad at all, making him feel crappy like that? sometimes i wonder about myself.

i think its a good thing. if you feel guilty or apologetic it would mean you were blaming yourself. i dont think you did anything wrong so there is no need to feel "bad" about it.

But, you are trying to change him by asking him to get help, respect your views and learn about things you like. it honestly isnt helpful. you are doing the same thing as he did, trying to convert him without knowing it. i would request you to leave him so that both of you dont get hurt in future. emotionally both of you will feel like crap if he keeps his ways and you keep yours. its easy to talk about it but emotionally stressful to deal with and commit to such a relationship. think carefully.

if at 7 months you two have to make a list of things that bother you about eachother, RED FLAG right there! i understand the hardest part is you two and your sex life, you feel connected to him, and dont want to feel like you gave it to the wrong person, its understandable, but thats not a reason to stay with someone, you need to ask yourself if the pros GREATLY outway the cons, if its even close, you need to get away, and you like to use big words, so use big words, its not your fault if he doesnt understand them, there are guys that will. This is basically becoming an abusive relationship, even without physical violence this is the DEFINITION of an abusive relationship and you should get out while you still can, your only 20, thats so young, you have your whole life ahead of you, you guys havent been together for years, 7 months is not a long time, thats a blink of the eye in life, find someone knew who will see you for who you are, not see you and make you who he wants you to be

i'm actually on the phone w/him right now....i'm so depressed but cant tell y...getting worse by the second...

In the long run everything will be okay! I mean i can understand you being a little depressed, especially after being intamite with someone you feel bonded, but thats not a good reason to stay with someone if you dont feel that its right, all our advice means nothing, but at the same time dont make excuses to yourself about why you should stay, look past that, and YOU know what you REALLY want to do, as hard as it is you know if you want to be with him anymore, there are millions of guys out there, you may have met him but not known it, like in the show HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER he always goes "your mother was there, only i didnt know it yet"so give yourself credit, you deserve better, so why not go find better?

wow, believe it or not, im always quoting that show 2 lol.

and is he against that too? dont let yourself get trapped in a mental or spiritual abusive relationship! life is short, you dont get your time back at the end!

Originally Posted By: hemlock69and is he against that too? dont let yourself get trapped in a mental or spiritual abusive relationship! life is short, you dont get your time back at the end! words i wanted to say to Jade were the same. saved me from typing lol

hopefully she learns she can do better and get out while shes still young and doesnt wind up trapped

sometimes, for some people in these kinds of relationships, it's just a vicious circle. I have a friend who's been trying to live this was for 10 years and she's really paying a heavy price for it.

so any news on the bf? or former bf?

i paid a heavy price and lost 14 years of my life....wasted it on trying to "be happy" and "make it work". :frowning: this kind of relationships dont work out well.

i wonder about that...cuz many people wind up in such relationships thinking they will make it work and its a bond they share etc etc and dont look past that until its too late. i was same as her and it took me a lot of courage and strength to break free.

hemlock- still with him, and he actually doesnt have a problem w/me quoting himym. not that i know of, anyway. if he does then i know theres a problem, cuz thats one of my favourite shows.actually ive been a bit worried today...i love my bf, a lot...but theres this other person...we've been friends for a long time and have a lot in common. and throughout the years ive thought that i would never ever like this person (due to circumstances), but now i almost gotta wonder. i was listening to some blink 182 today on my way to class, all the small things, actually (remember that one?) and oddly i realised two things: 1, i thought of this guy whenever i heard it and 2, i kept replaying the song. then, when i got to class and sat down for a while, my heart was still going a mile a minute. but im not good enough for him. im weird, and not even pretty, really. plus im pretty sure he sees me as a friend or a sister. so yeah. besides, i do love my bf, and its probably just a phase im going through.

and more about the bf, i think i might have been unfair to him. its not that he doesnt do all these things, but its not ALL he does. he does a lot of good, too. today i met w/my therapist and she told me that he sounds really selfish, immature, and irresponsible. while im not sure what to do about him being "irresponsible" or "immature", i decided im gonna stop letting him act all selfish around me...or at least im gonna make things a bit more equal. from this day forward, i am NOT having sex w/him, and if we do fool around, he has to take care of me as well. (otherwise...he kinda gets distracted. but i used 2 do that 2, so im not gonna judge) sometimes i get so tired of all of this, to be honest. just all the drama. eventually it all just becomes white noise. still havent figured out if it beats silence tho