Hey all whats up? I have a question I need answering but it's gonna need some backup details.I've been seeing this girl for a little over 2 months now but I really like her more then I probably should. Of course I don't want to be creepy so I try to move at her pace. Her last boyfriend was not at all affectionate and she says they only kissed once over their 9 month relationship because of it. We have gone further but not by far so in some ways I think she does like me for going this far with me. However, I find her to be rather unaffectionate herself at times for when we kiss she will not run her hands through my hair or embrace me like any loving woman would...instead she often lays there...cadavere'ish if I had to put my finger on it. She won't ever make a first move, not to hold a hand or get close watching TV...it all falls on me which often leaves me feeling as if she's only going along with things.However the bigger issue is her ex-boyfriend. She and him were in sorry shape when we started going out and I remember the long conversations...or rather monologues...in which she would rant about how fucked up that relationship was. But recently she seems to have had a change of heart! She has become his friend and I s'pose I am okay with that I guess.It is his birthday today, and originally all his friends were invited (including my girlfriend) to his house for a party. However all his friends bailed on him to go to a cabin party outside the city. My girlfriend isn't outgoing in that fashion, much to my pleasure, and finds getting plastered in the woods to be rather idiotic. However my girlfriend has now asked her ex-boyfriend out to dinner for his birthday. She insists it is only in friend capacity and that I have nothing to worry about. But it's not that I think she will cheat on me that I worry about for I trust my girlfriend very much, it's just that I know she once had feelings for this man and now she is going out to dinner with hime alone! And I know what will happen afterward, I said to her I knew she would probably bring him to hher house because he would want to do something after dinner. She hates his mother so they wouldn't go there, so the logical place to relax is at her house! So now she is seeing her ex-boyfriend alone for his birthday and going out to dinner with him and now she will probably bring him home! To that she said "Don't hold this against me." and that was all...she didn't deny the fact she was going to bring him home so the fact she is, is now obvious. Nothing will happen I am fairly well sure of that but I can't help but feel as if she is losing interest in me and possibly becoming interested in returning to a previous and maybe more emotionally attached relationship (they had been together 4 times longer then we have currently).I am kind of scared and when she asks me whats wrong about what she is doing I have a lot of trouble describing how I am feeling. I guess my question(s) is: "Am I normal? Would you feel as I do in my situation? Do you think I have anything to worry about?"Please Help!
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Whats going on here?
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I think that this girl might have some problems herself, if their relationship was so messed up and now she's willing to risk yours to see him....not good. Ask if you can go along- if she's just doing it to be nice and cheer him up on his birthday, then there's no reason you can't be there. If she doesn't understand your issues with this, ESPECIALLY about going to her place afterwards, then that doesn't say much about your relationship and how she feels about you. Time to do some thinking about whether this is really a good situation for you. There's lots of people out there.....
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I am unfortunately not in the position to ask to come along for her ex-boyfriend does not like me at all, understandable I guess...so I can't show up at his little birthday dinner with my girl and expect him to have a good time.I talked to her again before she left and I told her how I felt about everything and all that. She told me I have nothing to worry about and that she wouldn't even be doing this if everyone hadn't ditched out on his birthday. At this point I am comfortable with her having dinner with the guy but it still very much bothers me that she will be taking him home with her (not for the night but still). So she phoned me at around midnight, obviously after he left and said she wanted to talk. I was rather busy with some friends so I wasn't available to get into a discussion so I will have to wait till she is off work tomorrow. I don't think she sounded very pleased, at what I do not know. I do pray nothing I have done upset her and that she is still very much interested in me.Any help/advice from here?
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My only advice would be to maybe just give her a "wide berth" for a few days. Read my other post again and think about it. It sorta sounds like maybe you're letting her have a bit too much power in the relationship and she's not thinking about your feelings. Why would she still invite him back to her pad if you guys had talked and she knew it wasn't cool with you????