I've wanted to get advice on this for a couple of years but I've been too nervous to ask. I'm an 18 year old gay male and I'm starting to feel really depressed about issues with my penis. I'm not circumcised which never bothered me up until a couple of years ago. I've been masturbating since I was 12 just to pictures etc. and I never gave my technique much thought (I just did what felt good) until I started watching proper porn and noticed how other guys were doing it.
The way I always masturbated was just sort of fondling the head of my penis usually against some sort of material like my sheets or underwear (it's hard to describe). Actually pulling my foreskin back never occurred to me until I saw other guys doing it. Well I tried it once but it was so painful I had to stop and I haven't really tried since.
I want to give it another go but now it's more of an emotional issue. As in, I keep getting ready to try pulling it back but I physically can't make myself try anymore because I'm so afraid of how painful it's going to be.
The other thing that's probably caused by it is that the area underneath my foreskin (including the tip of my penis) is really sensitive and incredibly painful to touch. If I'm hard and my dick brushes up against something it's just agony.
So I just kept masturbating the way I had done, which worked okay until I tried to have sex for the first time. The guy I was with was giving me a handjob and the whole time I had to clench my teeth because it hurt so much but I pretended I was enjoying it so he wouldn't feel bad.
But aside from the pain, I really didn't feel anything. As in, it didn't feel good. It gave me no pleasure at all. It just felt like nothing.
So the sensitivity and tight foreskin basically mean I can't have proper sex. And that makes me feel terrible. It probably sounds dumb to most people but I honestly just want to kill myself soemtimes because of how bad I feel. I'm so angry at myself for not being able to do something everyone else can do with ease and I don't deserve a partner if I can't give them this.