Can some of you guys AND girls give me some advice

jnick

Hey everyone!I'm going to be a Senior at my High School this upcoming year. I'm 17 and am extremely introverted. I don't really understand my "fear", as I call it. At home, I can be one of the funniest people in the room - around any of my family. The same goes for ANYONE I talk to online. Through me in my school, or anyplace in public - I'm extremely shy.In school, I will say, I'm the "smart" kid. Always getting 90's, and knowing the answers, etc. I can honestly say I don't really have any TRUE friends. And I'm sure there are a lot of people in my senior class who don't even know me. People will talk to me - but not everyday. Only if they have a question, or if I'm lucky - lol. People always tell me, are you pissed off? It seems as if my "noraml" look, is someone REALLY pissed off. It's just me, I don't really smile 24/7 . .. I also never talk in school. Only on occassions - like if somebody asks me something. I will never volenteer to read, or answer questions. I will only do so if called on. I will NEVER, and I mean NEVER, start a conversation with anyone. It will literally take me 10 minutes to ask someone for a sheet of paper, if I'm in need. I also seem to always talk "monotone". I'm just not outgoing.But then again, put me at home - I'm VERY out going. Anytime I'm around a family member - I will talk my mouth off. But I just can't in public, mainly school.The worst part is, which most of the time is the case, are the girls. I never asked a girl out in person, only online once. I've only had 2 girlfriends (6th grade, and 8th grade). I've never kissed a girl, though have hugged. And it is starting to get to me . . I had this good thing going for me one summer. This really nice, pretty girl, who liked me, and I liked her. For the WHOLE summer we talked everyday almost 24/7 online. Throwing I love you's back and forth. Then she asked me to go to the fair with her, and at one point, to go over to her house for movie night with some of her friends. And of course - I declined - both times. Where did it leave me? With something I will regret . . . Now, 2 years later, we just say hi every once in a blue moon. That's it.Now there's this other girl who started talking with me. I like her, but doesn't wuite know if she likes me. But our conversations are always "Hey, how are you?" . . . That's it . . .Does anyone have any advice for me? I know I still have a lot of time ahead of me, but I just feel like if I keep going like this . . . I can't . .I'm not saying I want to get a girlfriend, or get laid, or anything like that. I just need advice on how I can open up more. How I can become noticed. I don't have a problem talking in a conversation, but for instance, if someone asks me a questions, I'm very blunt with my answer. It's like I leave no room for a conversation.Can anyone throw some advice this way. I think I'm missing out on the "fun" part of being a teen . . .I've gone to ONE dance in high school, and danced for about 5 minutes, and spent the other 2 hours standing in one spot . . . I would like to go to my prom . . . but I don't know . . . I do however have one talent, which I will try and see if it will help me open up. And thats magic/card manipulator. I am a magician, but not a cheesy, pull a rabit out of the hat magician. If you seen David Blaine, that type of magic, but then again - A little different. I also perform flashy card "stunts". Like thouse people with glow sticks - Well I do something similar with cards . . . The onlyy problem is, even with this "talent" I still can't walk up to people and show them some magic - And I thought it would help me loosen up!Sorry for this being SOOO long, but if you have any advice, I really REALLY appreciate it. I don't want to be the popular kid in school, but just noticed . .. Jnick

cool

In reply to: I don't have a problem talking in a conversation, but for instance, if someone asks me a questions, I'm very blunt with my answer. It's like I leave no room for a conversation. well u know whats wrong, so i dont know what you ask the questions...? In reply to: David Blaine hey he dated josie maran (www.josie-maran.com). there's hope for you matey!!! :) In reply to: I still can't walk up to people and show them some magic a guy at my school did. he was only there for bout 1.5 years, but he just was very polite and said hello to everyone and soon won everyoens hearts cause he was just so nice and fun to be around. like now if i bump into him at uni, he pulls out a deck of cards and shows me his knew trick.the only advice i have is that YOU will have to take the initiative. you're going to have to talk to people, give them a smile, and show ppl that you're not some angry maniac (heh i've got that before too ). so when you pass someone at school that you know and usually pass in silence, say a passing hi to them and give them a smile about the dance... eh yeah its hard to just let go and shake your booty (for some guys). everytime i've gone out to places that involve dancing i havent wanted to dance.. but eventually get dragged onto the dance floor and usually end up having heaps of fun! make sure you are around some group of friends and then just try to make the biggest idiot of yourself. thats dancing i always end up having fun. lols 3 weeks ago i was playing air guitar infront of like twenty or so 40 year olds on the dance floor ?! lol like i careits meant to be fun! sorry for blabbling on

Ender

I feel that Im in a similar situation. Im funny outside of school, but once I get in I get more sedated. But I too, am working on it. What works for me sometimes, is to just get in the right state of mind. Just think of that line from Risky Business; "Sometimes you just got to say... what the f***."Just make jokes in class, volunteer to answer questions and read, stuff like that. If you just sit in the back of the class and don't say anything, people will be creeped out by you. But start volunteering more, it will help. I volunteered to model in a drawing class for 5 minutes. This one (hot) girl said that I was the coolest kid for doing that. Just go out and do stuff. Join drama club or something.

Max

I would say i was the same at school. In fact i haven't really changed a great deal to be honest. I have my fair share of issues, im not a big convosationalist, i can't do many 'interesting' things, im not that funny or smart of good looking or fun or ballsy, i haven't done anything particularly interesting with my life to be honest when i look at myself i aren't anything great at all.But, having said that, i have got some really good friends, some of my best mates were considered to be the 'coolest kids' at school, i've had very attractive girls fancy, getting on stalk me, in fact i have actually been stalked before. If i go out clubbing etc, i ussually get some action, i've worked places most people my age wish they could get a job at, but how... i don't know.When i go to the pub i have loads of respect, everyone knows me but to be honest i've never really spoken a great deal to any of 'em, im not a big talker and to be honest i don't really care what people have got to say in most cases. I don't understand how my life is actually as good as it is, considering i haven't really been a great person i've got a lot going for me and i can't understand it. What you said i am like basically. I'm only funny if i have someone to 'bounce' my humor off etc, im not imaginative or mentally sharp, well not as much as i used to be since i used to be very funny. But since im working 9-5 5 days a week i see myself a bit dull at work, not as lively as i am outside work but im not as lively as i used to be anyhow.I've been given some great oppertunities and i could be a better bloke than i am now, i know exactly what i have to do, and i think you do to. For me, building up my humor is an important thing. I work in an office of 22-30yr olds who are incredably funny and being one of the youngest ones there i find it hard to get a word in since im a lot straiter talking.What i need to do is loosen up. So do you mate. Its one of the hardest things in the world to do but you know exactly whats wrong with you and you know exactly how to sort it, your not stupid, just wake up one morning, its monday tomorrow, perfect time, just be/act more like you want to be, you can change yourself, for me i will try to be funnier, i will actually listen to what people have to say, i will be more physical, i've just gotta loosen up and i think you'll be fine if you do to. I'm off 2bed.

MysteryManAlpha

i know what you are feeling you could be a Social Phobic (i may but people tell me that 'your just shy' is 'shy' just another way of saying you have social anxity?)

like me do you have this feeling? Is there this person inside of you that wants to get out? i mean do you think and here this person? but you are too affraid of letting this person out becuae of feer of the outher students in the school not wanting to be around you or they may say someing like "did you see...." when they see and walk past you?

that happend me till the end if HS just like what you said i have a VERRY hard time being with girls. So far i have not had a GF much less kissed. i am 20 and i can be fine but when i see a happy coulpe together it can just ruin my day. i really dont know when i will be able to expreence that may be never.

i guss i have an answer for people like us. one of Charles Darwins' theroy of evolution 'Natural Selection' we are not 'Alphas'

WeirdGirly

I am the same. The only people who know me are my friends. I'm very outgoing and hyper outside of school, but put me in school and I'm the dullest, most boring person you'll meet. It's normal. I have friends in school, but the only person I consider a TRUE friend is my best friend. And she doesn't go to my school. Go figure?What struck me the most was your situation where you and and a girl were really into each other and you talked frequently online, only. I was the same. It got to the point where I'd be completely antisocial in person because I'd gotten so used to typing how I felt to a computer screen rather than talking directly face to face. It can really do that to you. Join a club or sport if you want to be noticed more or put in situations where you must be social. And good luck. You seem like a great person who just needs alittle opening up.

Ineligible

In reply to:is 'shy' just another way of saying you have social anxity?I think shyness is a common, and therefore 'normal', amount of social anxiety; extreme shyness is an abnormal amount. Shyness is somewhat disabling; extreme shyness is very disabling - and disability is one of the measures of whether something is an illness.No shyness at all can be a little dangerous, and that may be one reason why shyness exists; but no shyness is not very dangerous. Shyness may also, as you pointed out, be a way in which natural leaders and followers are distinguished - a way that Nature ensures that there aren't too many chiefs and not enough indians.

l8er

Exact same way with me. I don't know why I'm like that. I don't even know why people talk to me, because sometimes I am just so...I don't know how to explain it... I act like I want the conversation to be over. But I think part of my problem is that I'm 5'2 and everyone else in my class is at least 5'7 (I'm in 9th grade). I just don't fit in. But I guess I will have to try this... what do they call it? "happy" thing. LOL

jnick

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I appreciate it.

RobBob

I can relate to what you're talking about. I'm in grade 11, and I've always been shy in public. But over the past few years, I've sort of developed that angry look when I'm just minding my own business, not around anyone I know. I think it's from grade 9, where I ended up having a few too many classes with some assholes who decided that I was a fun person to piss off (probably because they could get me pissed off real easily by the end of the year, but I wasn't the type of person to get up and kick their ass). Through out the year I was a little depressed, and became more distant and cold, which if I may add didn't help things. I can also be a jerk to talk to sometimes, which I never was before then (used to always be the polite kid).My biggest problem now is not being able to easily start up conversations with anyone, or talk to them on a personal level. If it's not related to school work, or something along those lines, I just don't know what to say. Right now, I'm struggling with trying to get to know this girl who I can't stop thinking about. She's a year younger than me, has some similar interests and classes (like music), except that since I'm a year older none of my classes are with hers. The only time I really saw her was after school at cross country running practice, which just ended. I never really said much to her at all.I should probably stop there, this is your thread and not mine after all. One thing that I have to add though, is that you have to have confidence. Not the overly cocky and overassertive, "I'm right you're wrong" kind of thing, but know that no matter what may happen, you can always try again. You just need to build up that confidence in whatever way works for you, good luck ^_^ Oh, and one other thing. Don't set up an act for yourself, try to be as close to yourself as you can be. Otherwise you'll never really grow your personality, just some fake face that you put up for those people who you have trouble communicating with.