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I didn't really know what to title this one.. but anyways.. It seems latly that I'm not really depressed.. But I'm just kinda weird... Always tired.. ( even tho i thought i got a good nights sleep ) .. At school.. I was alone friday at lunch.. I just kinda walked around.. and watched people ... and i relized i really hate people.. Im not happy.. Im just not planning my own death.. I have been through this 'stage' before.. Is there stages in depression...Like this is how it seems for me.. 1.Depressed... 2.not happy(nor sad) want to kill people..3 then more of what i call my 'pyscho' state( I want to kill peoplem every person i see i plan there death ... i think kinda.. hard to explain ) Then its like back.. ( during most stages I'm careless.. like dont really care what happens ) Is this a normal part of depression.. or is there more wrong? Im starting to exercise more.. Thanks guy

I got one of them exercise bikes.. I did 3 miles last night.. in under 30 minutes ( dont remeber exactly ) Is that good enough.. for weight loss and depression help.. If i lost some weight.. i would probaby start to feel better.. plus more exercise... Does always being tired a part of depression.. I thought i slept good last night... Thanks

Is your depression in like 'spurts'... Like i can go for a month or two or more.. without being 'depressed' but then i can go back into depression.. or i can be out a day.. and fall into it again.. or is yours all the time.. Isn't mine called reactive or something like that? Not 100%...

Sometimes they do.. For like a few hours or whatever.. But when my biggers episodes hit.. Its like a few weeks.. Right now.. Im not really depressed..right now.. But come tomorrow morning.. I can be back into hardcore.. ITs so crazy.. I did a mile and 1/2 on the exercise bike.. and 1/2 a mile on the treadmill.. tonight..

Let us know how it goes.. Im curious..

Yeah.. Thats what I'm worried about.. saying the 'wrong' word.. Hope it works out

Don't regret saying that word. They're not going to lock you up for writing that or even saying it.

"Yes, being easily tired and fatigued is goes along w/ depression. I'm always tired, but I never get any sleep because I am an insomniac. Combined w/ depression and anxiety, I'm a walking zombie sometimes."I'm like that too, a walking zombie is a good way to put it. anxiety+depresion isn't fun, school day's feel almost impossible. I usually just cut out.

Hate to bug you with more little questions but.. But is not being able to conentrate in class part of depression? Even tho I'm not 'down' and i still have all the other thing included with depression .. Am i still depressed? .. Like when I'm in my different stages... Just my sleeping problems probably being realted to depression makes me think...

Im upset right now.. My dad basicly told me ... Im a dumb ass.. so fuck him.. Since im not as perfect as his daughter.. I will just get out of the way..and spare them the financial burdon of dealing with me anymore... As i sit here.. sniffing white out.. How much do i have to do till I'm dead.. Im just a little problem in there life.. so i will solve it for them... Well.. Since I'm just a 'fuck up' in everyone eyes.. Im gonna go.. I have finals tomorrow.. but i didnt study.. cause im stupid.. now im gonna fail.. cause im stupid.. Hopefully.. I wont see tomorrow.

U know what, my dad makes me feel like shit a whole lot of the time. Its funny I am the good kid and my brother was the fuck up and yet hes praised and I'm just looked at in shame. I got into a fight with them on saturday and i refused to come home till monday. I just hate being here with them. I understand what you are going through although I guess its very different at the same time. Just do things for yourself. Think of those finals as your way to escape later on. I take my school work very seriously. Its not that i care about it really and I dont really give a shit about impressing my parents anymore but I know its my gateway to never having to deal with them again. I know if I do good colleges that my parents wont let me go to might give me enough scholarship money and everything. Never just give up FaBMX, I've wanted to give up on numerous occasions, but honestly nothing is more satisfing than proving them wrong. Try your best trust me, and even if it dont do much at least you know there is one thing thats stable in your life. If you try your best and it still isn't that hot, oh well nothing really lost nothing really gained its just the way it is. I learned that parents can just be total assholes living in there own time not understanding the changes of society. My parents are racist, anti-black, anti-any culture really, anti-gay, and when they found out that my policital views differed from theirs they wanted to go into the school and have a word with the teachers for influencing my mind. Its like hello I can think for myself and its funyn cuz my teachers political views tend to go along with my parents. I've beat my self down time and time again thinking I was wrong, and there older and they are my parents so they must be right. I learned that its not the way it is, and i'm old enough and mature enough to understand right from wrong and identifing their wrong qualities. Am i still stuck living here for another 2 years yup, but at least I know that i'm not this pathedic soul going no wherein life because they are so great and I could't be the way they wanted me to be. Just look forward to tommorow FaBMX and just try and find one good thing to focus on. Maybe a friend of some sort thats always there for you, a hobby you love, anything. Just something that you can rely on to make you smile.

Wow i didn't realize how long that was. Sorry for probably boring you to death.

Its hard to focus on a hobby.. I gave them all up why my depression started... My note is typed.. on the desktop... Funny part.. The part to my best friend is longer than the reason and good byes to family.. I have a premade out Text message to him.. just for when i decieded to take the final pill.. pull the trigger.. make the final slit... etc etc.. WHY DO PARENTS GOTTA MAKE IT SO FUCKING HARD ON ME!! IM NOT FUCKING PERFECT NOR WILL I EVER BE IM A FUCK UP ACCEPT IT!! FUCKING WORTHLESS COCK SUCKERS!!!! GOD DAMN!!! If i fail any classes this semester ( ends Thurs.. ) If i get my report card.. that might be last day a live... Litterally.. If i get a F.. I will just shoot myself.. Cause.. I will be banned from comp.. banned form radio.. tv.. cds... etc etc.. So i will just end it.. IF i pass.. I might make it a little longer.. IF i make it through tonight..

No.. It wasn't boring.. I read it all.. thanks for posting

Parents aren't perfect and they try and live vicariously through their children so they put so much stress on there children to be 'prefect' they don't realize the detramental affects it has. Especially on a teenage with so much emotional bagage over everything. The last thing you want to do is end your life. If not for the actual reasons to want to stay alive, then how bout just for this reason? Why let them win? Yes of course they will be sad and hurt and your parents love you and never want you to kill yourself, but its kind of becuase what they are doing for you. DO NOT let them win. Fight this, make them lose. They might never know that they lost or anything, but you know that they did and thats what matters. This friend that you wrote a note to, obviously you care about this person enough to let them know and you chose them above anyone else. Talk to this friend, let him/her know whats going on. They can probably help you be happy again. Just spending time with people you love will help so much. Its apparent that you do not want to kill yourself, you know how I know this? If you truely wanted to you would have and would have never of told anyone or wrote a note or anything. You want to be saved, and thats the first step. What do you think i'm doing here on this site. I'm trying to help you get through something that truely bothers you and makes you depressed something I relate with. I don't even know you and I care. So does everyone else. If you need anything don't be afraid to PM me. Noone wants you to kill yourself, everyone wants you do be happy. You probably think its impossible for that to ever happy. Guess what i have great news, can you guess? Its because thats not true and everyone can be happy. You know what if you do fail and your parents take away the computer and stuff its not going to be forever. Or even make a compromise tell them you tried your hardest and couldn't cut it, asked to be tutored in exchange to keep access to the computer, tv, and radio. Let them know that taking away everything you love is not the thing thats going to make you sit down and start doing your work. I know that definatly wouldn't work for myself. Hoepfully your parents will listen and make this IMPORANT compromise. I doubt this would work with my parents, but maybe theres a slight chance that it will work. It never hurts to try.

We're all fuck-ups, FaBMX. Here's Philip Larkin's poem on the subject: http://www.artofeurope.com/larkin/lar2.htm. I think he is overly pessimistic, though. Very, very often, the child is more mature than the parent. The trouble is that often the parent is so concerned that their offspring don't repeat their own mistakes, that they push them too hard. Many parents don't realise that their children aren't, in fact, little versions of themselves, but are quite, quite different.Your parents will learn eventually.

So sorry to hear how bad you are feeling. Been there, done that. Keep telling yourself that your depression is talking. Your family WOULD NOT be better off without you !!!!!!!!

I have been in that deep, dark hole you are in right now. So, listen to me, ok?

Look up- look real hard- do you see my hand reaching down to you? Yes, that is my hand. And there are many more hands there to- they belong to other people on this forum- we are all reaching out to you.
HOLD ON TIGHT !!!- I promise we will not let go until you are feeling safe- hold on as long as you have to- it gives me strength too.
I know i dont know you that well, but i have read all of your posts and i feel your pain. You may not believe me , but just know that things will be ok,as stressful as they seem right now,you will be ok.
We are here to listen, to help if we can in any way possible.
You are special,dont ever forget that.

My dad yelled at me for sleeping too much in the past. He'd also call me really lazy when I told him I didn't feel good. This went on for about 4 years. Then we found out I had Crohns disease, which put light on the whole situation to him. Since then, things have been better. My mom has always been understanding of me.

Thanks everyone.. I was seriously upset last night.. Its just upset me so much... Your right.. I should just focus on getting out of here.. So i shouldnt screw up in school... Thanks again for caring

your welcome thats why we are here.