Ahh Okay..

---

I tend to have these posts where I dont know what to call them but oh well. So yes, anyway I didn't really want to have to come here, or I mean resort to this catergory but i just dont know anymore. Today I had a total breakdown day, like just ahh. It's not that i had the worst day ever or anything, it's just that today it's almost like a panic attack. Last night i dont think i slept a minute. I was online at 2 in the morning and eating at the 3 then i just layed in bed until my alarm went off. I dont even know what is in my head, but then today I was in my 2nd hour and everything just decided to hit me at once. It was like whoa i dont even really know how to explain it. I just started shaking but i wasnt the least bit cold or anything, then I just started zoning out, i mean wow..in one of my hours the teacher asked me if i was okay because he said i looked so upset and looked as if something is bothering me. I have no idea what's going on, I seem to have lost a bit of my appetite..like at lunch i still ate but i wasnt hungry but once and a while i have to do things like force myself to eat, i cant seem to sleep(i already tried laying down for a nap today) and everything is just crazy. My mom got in a car accident today, nothing serious and not seriously injured just a little bit here and there but of course thats a little scary. One of my best friends that passed away has a birthday tomorrow and i dont know how to face it with them not being there. It's just like wow, I dont know is this a panic attack? It's almost like I want to curl up in a ball and just go away. Ahh and just now my palms have started sweating and my fingers are shaking. I dont know, maybe everything is just getting too much for me, i've got a lot to handle these next few weeks and its all coming down on me at once but i really dont have anyone to talk to. I think i'm stressin it big time and it's bringing me down and i always try my hardest not to let myself get down. I'm scared, i think i'm loosing a few of my best friends and that isnt cool, i've got these urges at times to just cry for no reason and i feel like i'm going crazy. Ah I dont think i've ever felt this before. I dont know what do you guys think? Can any of you relate..I'm starting to scare myself because I have to start looking out for myself on my own, because i think a few people that have always been there are going to stop looking out for me. Ahh what do you guys think?

those sound like the same kind of "attacks" that I get, It's hard to even describe it.. Usually it's so bad, I'd just ditch school. I guess since I always look sad anyway, no one noticed anything diferent about me. It's doesn't seem right for me to say this, 'cause I've yet to get any help about my feelings; but, honestly, what everyone is going to tell you, and probably what you really need is profesional help.hope you feel better.

Oh girly, I went through the same thing before, but I was worried about a different situation. For me, it was a girl I really cared about that made me have everything come down on me at once. She started smoking weed, going out to parties, and gettin really crazy. I confronted her about it and she basically missed the point of the argument because she said she wouldn't drink at the next party she went to. Time went by, I lost her as a friend. She became a drug dealer. More time went by, she became pregnant, got an abortion, got put in jail for dealing, got pregnant again and had the baby with no one to support her cuz her parents ditched her. God she was so beautiful too.Anyways, everything came down on me. Am I a good person? I could have done more! I just quit on her! I hate myself! I feel like everyone is lookin at me! are my friends really my friends?As you can see, I became real paranoid and I started to hate myself. I don't remember how exactly I got through it, since it was such a hectic time, but I do remember that instead of trying to take it all at once, I would take on 1 or 2 problems a day. And eventually, all the problems were handled.One day, I payed attention to whether or not people were looking at me. Another day I considered why other people didn't help her, and i'm not the only one in fault. And so on.So my advice, one day at a time. Too much will make you break.

Thanks guys. It helps a lot just knowing people listen. As for the getting professional help thing, i'm not sure i need it. Usually I know myself well enough with these kinds of things, but sometimes i dont..but we will see what happens.The only thing that I'm scared of, is that too much has come down on me already. Over the past few years I had such a hard time dealing with things, but as I grew up I kind of learned I need to deal with these and became more independent. But right now, it's just kind of all landing on me at once and i dont know what to do with myself. I know something im really worried about is just missing old friends and things, like the people that i used to talk to about anything, i dont know whats really happening but I just have a few people out there that I know i used to be close with, but now it's like i'm being replaced, and knowing that i'm scared to go and talk to them again. I dunno, it seems a lot of my friends are kind of drifting away and that's what scares me A LOT. But I will be taking your advice and try taking all this one day at a time. It's just i'm scared I let it all come too fast and now I have to deal with it all at the same time, but i'll see if i can slow myself and try taking it all one day at a time.Thanks for your help both of you, it means a lot

I'm happy to be here and share my experiences with you as well. If you feel that your friends are kind of drifting away, force yourself to talk to them even if you're scared. You'll most likely find comfort once you strike up a conversation. I've had friends drift away from me, and I didn't do anything about it. I regret that, but I will try my best not to have that happen again. Like recently, i had someone drift away from me, but I did something about it, and now we've been talking everyday for the past week. Sometimes you'll like what happens even when you don't expect it to.

Yeah..I guess you are right about forcing myself to talk to people it's just weird because i've always been a really friendly person and just always a person that loves to talk, but it's like i let myself drift away from someone close or they drift away from me and its almost like I dont know if I can trust them? I dont know not trust but i guess almost like they dont want me to talk to them or have those "in depth" talks like we used to. I dont know I confuse myself, but I will try the forcing thing..ive never been good at forcing myself to do things but hopefully this one will work.

Its seems to me that you have alot bottled up inside. I'm not sure if what you are experience is a 'panic attack' or not, but I do know that you need to find a way to calm yourself. If you do not feel like talking to a professional about this have you considered breathing exercises or how bought taking up yoga or something calming. Being that ur frends bday came by for the first time without them being alive that can cause alot of old feelings of moaning as when they first passed. You feared that someone else was going to leave you when your mother was in a car accident and although it was minor, the fears definatly came tot he surface of your mind. As for loosing a few of ur best friends do you feel that maybe this could be a subconcious thing? Maybe scared of loosing them so your pushing them away? I don't exactly know and you shouldn't jump to conclusion about the reasons of ur dilemia but just try and focus on the symptons of the current issues. Why don't you call a few of urs friends and just have a good time out and try and clear your mind. Talking to them may help you deal with whats going on in ur life as well.

Yes, well I am supposed to be taking up yoga really soon, hopefully sometime this week but we'll see and hopefully all that will help. I just dont really want to go to a professional..so hopefully yoga and calming myself will help. Yesterday(my best friends bday) was just.. I didnt have a good day..i had so much going on in my head and I just didnt want to do anything but lay and I will admit I had my tears..but today I seem to be better. You are exactly right with the car accident, my mom and I are so close..if she were to be gone right now..i dont know what I would do with myself..I just know it'd be terrible and i'd be miserable, but thank goodness she's alright. The thing is with my best friends is that I've had the same best friends...since like..I was about 12..it just the thought of them going away from me is hard. I know it has to come someday though espescially since college is coming in about 3 years. It's just..I love my best friends to death, they've seen me through everything I have ever been through and for them to just kind of replace me..and me to kind of pull myeslf away from them is hard when I dont really want to. I am trying though, I am making the best effort possible not to let them go. And I do at some point want to make myself kind of have those "in depth" talks, i miss those a lot and i love them. Thanks for the advice, anything helps

Ahh I just dont know how to handle anything anymore. I've gotten to the point where it's almost like I dont want to be here anymore.I would never do anything to myself to not be here anymore but I want to be in heaven with the people that have been watching out for me forever and that I know will watch out for me forever. I just want to be with them, i want to take them in my arms and never let them go. But I CANT. I dont know what to do, I really dont. I'm sick of hearing everyone is different, everyone is unique and has their own quality and something to offer when I dont. It's so hard, I really dont know what to do. I dont know if I should cry or if I should call someone or just what. I really dont know if I can handle myself anymore. I've never had a feeling like this anymore and all of the sudden everything just hit me at once, I just want to go away for a while, I dont deserve to be here..and I just dont know what to do anymore.

Sweetie, you are a special girl. I'm sure the angels you speak of want to see you to, but don't be in any hurry. Just you wait and things will turn out for the better.

I'm really not that special, trust me. And it's just I want to see them again, I never do well with loss and it's just getting to me. I dont have much patience for things like these, I can have patience for everything else but waiting for things to get good again, which is what makes it so hard.

I see. Sometimes things seem like forever, but no matter what, the sun will rise.

I can only hope my sun will come again soon..I can only hope.

And hope is the best thing you can have. Don't lose it or else you won't have anything to battle what has come out of pandora's box. And by the way, your my special poster on a2a swirlz.

you are so right, hope is something I can never lose and somehow..between last night and today my spirits just went up and I feel incredibly happy lol oooh i'm your special poster..that just makes me feel..special very very special

It's nice to hear you're doing better sweetie.

Thank you. And I owe a lot of thanks to you, you kept telling me to have hope and I did as you said and now I feel a lot better..thanks hun :smile:

You've helped me too. It makes me happy to hear that from someone. Thanks.

Anytime you need me I'm here, I love helping people out