The girl I've been after, which looked VERY promising, informed me she isn't interested in any type of relationship with me. After I read the letter she gave me, I was almost in tears. Now, I feel so empty. Useless. Like a total fucking idiot. All I feel is hate for everyone else now. All I can think about is taking my own life before I take others. Thats all thats going through my head. I feel empty. Completly empty. I have never been this down. I'm so down I don't even want weed.. or food. I didn't drive like I normally do. I just kinda went. I came home and didn't say 5 words to my mom before I went to my room. Now I set here, on this computer, in tears.. Thinking.. WHY? Why? What did I ever do wrong to deserve to be lonely? WHAT?! I have always been nice to people.. I have always helped out.. I was always the mature reliable one that could get it done without a single problem. Yet, I'm the one getting screwed? I'm the one in so much pain. I'm the one developing such a strong hatred for anyone. Its not racial. I hate them if they are humans. As I set here and type, I feel no relief. I used to feel a little better after typing something like this out. But, not today. I still feel empty. I told her I would discuss this with her tonight over the internet. I can only I remain calm and collected. I just feel empty. .I felt like I had a purpose this morning. I was happy to leave to school. But, I just feel empty. Sorry for typing this out.
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I'm back.
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One thing you have to learn is that the world and life is not fair.
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That sucks man. I know the feeling. A lot of promising opportunities end up being bullshit.
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I'm feeling for you, FaBMX. It's not fair, it hurts like hell, you feel like you've been beaten up and your life flushed down the toilet, I know.
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I layed down and listened to the first 9 tracks of Linkin Parks Hybrid Theory. All I can hope is she is testing me.. To see how I could handle a situation like this? I will see tonight.
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I don't know about her testing you, but you should definetely play it cool. You shouldnt let her know how much she fucked you up
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I think I might have made it better. I hope :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:
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life isn't fair
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Nope... Didn't make it any better Well, better, but not into a relationship. Oh well.. Off to do homework to keep myself sane. I fear the weekend.
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well just keep searching for another. Do not let one girl get you down. It is a shame she does not want a realtionship, but you will find someone else. Plenty of fish in the sea (earth).
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Its gotten worse.. She basicly said she wants time away from me .. Then the guy that she likes, and he likes her is ALWAYS with her now. I'm going to tell her WTF is up with that!
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You don't need to ask her what's up with that - it's clear enough.
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I went ahead and talked to her. I basicly said whats up with this.. You tell me you need more space and then the other guy is there all the time.. Then went on to say.. IF you wanted time with him, you could have just told me... and I emailed her a bunch of other things. She then got online and answered. I asked the right questions and figured it out. She is going through the same thing I'm going through, but is taking it ALOT differn't. Recently, I've kinda been like "oh crap.. HS is almost over" .. then I look back on the rest of my life and just go "I fucked it all up" ... I have been dealing with it jus fine... But she told me what she felt, then I understood. She is being alot more emotional about it. She didn't know what was wrong with her or anything. I then told her, I'm going through the same exact thing. So, I think she might be a little better now. I wish she would have told me this straight up. So.. I will see what happens
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I hate my dad. He pisses me off so much. Tonight he was asking why I dont want to be a cop anymore (Something I decieded against over a year and 1/2 ago) .. Told him they dont make enough. Then I told him I hate cops now. All I see are cops tailgating me, acting like total dicks and beating people. More and more I see, there fucking crooked people. I don't want to deal with being a cop. He is like what else you going to do? I go I'm getting a degree in computers and buisness. He goes and what will you do with that. I go get a decent job. He then procedes to tell me he thinks I'm dreaming about getting any of that. He goes you fuck up school.. so how do you plan to do that? I go I will make it.. He then goes.. Thats why you fucking failed two classes like last year.. You wont make it that far...Why does he have to be a dick? I swear.. I'm out at 18. I can't stand his shit anymore. He won't see any of what I make. No matter how down and out he gets. When I'm in a nice home, a cool car and all the latest eletronics, I will tell him he is a fucking moron. He just pisses me off. I can do it. I know I can.. I hate my dad. I just hate him.