How can i make it better?

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ok ive with this guy im totally in love with and hes in the army so is only home on weekends. one night i was out with some friends and ended up snogging another lad all night. i felt so bad about it when i got home and thought the only thing i could do was tell the truth. so i did. the look on his face could of killed me he looked really upset (sorry this sounds bigheaded). and if that wasnt enough the next weekend i got wrecked and it heppened again. and i felt even worse and i couldent tell him. i really seriosly love this guy and have stopped drinking compleetly because of it. i dont no if i should tell him about the 2nd time . if i dont im gonna feel like a lier if he finds out and thats worser then telling him, and if i do tell him im sure he would break up with me. its a right mess and im stuck. what would you do??

I don't deal with cheaters, so you would have been outta my life already. Some people don't care as much, they'd rather "work things out," even after getting an STI from that person. I would re-evaluate if you think it's fair of YOU to stay in this relationship, and if you think you would stay with him if the tables were flipped around. I would let this person go and "fall in love" with someone else. Otherwise tell him you cheated on him twice and see what he says.

if the tables were turned id feel proper cra* and prob not be able to trust him for a while but i could never leave him. when i did it it wasnt the real me, it was mostly the beer, thats why ive stopped drinking, its just i dont think i could tell him it happened again, in case i loose him, is that wrong? i got a feeling it is

You messed up once and you did the right thing about being honest with you. If i were him I definatly would have given you the second chance although it would have killed me. Although hes away and you are left by yourself most of the time, it is not excuse to cheat on him. If he went to an island or something with the army and made out with a girl there or something I bet you would not be so forgiving would you? Some people won't deal with cheaters, but i believe in second chances. However I do not believe in third chances. How could you do the same thing again. You need to be honest with him and pray that he will still be with you. It is completely understandable that if he doesn't want to continue the relationship further. You say you only love him and only want to be with him and all this stuff, and then make up excuses saying you were drunk at the time of the incident. Instead of saying I was drunk and I cheated on you, take responsibity and be like "i cheated on you" he doesn't need to know you were drunk it changes nothing and comes off as you are hiding behind something. This did not only happen cuz you were drunk and to stop drinking is good but its not the answer to this particular problem. Whats gonna happen the next time when you aren't drunk and you cheat on him again? Will it be a bet this time? Or maybe a suger high. If someone did this to me I would be flaming pissed. So just be honest and hope for the best, and DONT DO IT AGAIN if he gives you another chance. All you are probably making him feel like is a doormat.

I don't think you should tell him. It would just make him feel bad. You have taken steps to stop it happening again - that's the important thing. You might feel better telling him, but feeling bad is your punishment for doing it.

thanx, i no i really dont deserve another chance and that i dont deserve him, but dont think i could see his face if i tell him again, i regret it soo much and wouldent no what to do if i loose him

Time will tell. Good luck with whatever you choose!

Do you want to have a completely honest relationship with this man? If you do, then you need to tell him, no matter what his reactions may be. Otherwise, let's say you 2 get married, you never told him about it. You vowed to not hide secrets from each other, and now it's nawing on you on the inside. Let's say he finds out you cheated on him again, but this time around he didn't hear it from you, he had to hear it from someone else. He wouldn't be able to trust you.Sometimes true love also means letting someone go if it comes to that. Above all though, I believe you need to tell him what you did for your sake and his. I know it'll be hard, but it's the right thing to do.

How old are you?

im 17 and thanx all of u ill find some way to tell him soon in the future hopefully.

My advice is to break up. Its clear that he's not giving you the attention you need. Thats why you are looking elsewhere. Its not an issue of self-control. He is not THE ONE.

There is no reason to suppress your inclination to explore other avenues of romantic fulfillment. Thats a fancy way of saying get your butt out there and go out with as many men as you can. You want to be sure you choose the right guy. So the only way to do that is comparative shopping.

If you want to get a head start on a lifetime commitment partnership thats fine. Most marriage couple therapy involves some component of "I wish i had prolonged my dating period to get more experience, (or to realize my life dreams, or to admit my true sexuality, or to establish myself in a career, etc.)."
[Sigh] I often think to myself, if only a little forethought had gone into this relationship, oh the heartache and financial troubles that could have been avoided. Often the kids are the ones that suffer.

Let's end on a bitter note though. I'm on your side!! Stop getting held back by your "fiancee." Go on and explore other relationships! :smile:

never thought about it that way but it seems clearer now, and thank you. gonna take a break and see if he really is the 1, u really no ur stuff

That may be true, but it's just sad.

Hi Websexinfo,

Don't look at the behavior of cheating as a failure of a relationship. Try to take a clinical perspective.

Real quick, i'm asking myself the following questions: Why is this girl cheating? Why is it burdensome? What are the probable social and developmental factors contributing to the problem behavior? And finally, is she resistant or receptive to change.

Naturally its too difficult to make a full and comprehensive functional analysis on the internet. But this girl is plaintively asking how to come to terms with her problem. I believe the solution is reasonable, practical, and appropriate.

My experience has shown me that, generally speaking, people that fuse together early in life and recuse themselves from the dating pool in order to foster long-term relationships that adhere to the same traditional rules of marriage are going to find it unnecessarily difficult. People who are young (or older and undecided for that matter) should not subject themsleves to the harsh reality of the mutually taxing transactional demands of a long term relationship such as marriage or longterm commitments that emulate marriage.

I strongly advise people to date as many potential partners as possible to get a good feel for whats out there. Long-term relationships are no joke. They are damn hard to keep up. I think attaching values such as good or bad (or sad)should not be applied to them. Dating should be looked at as a natural process. You don't moraliz taking a crap or sleeping right? From a social perspective I think its irresponsible to commend someone for keeping up a longterm dating relationship. Its like complimenting an anorexic for her "discipline." Thats crazy!!!

This girl is alone. She is 17 and without company. Her friends may think its cute to have a guy. She may even find comfort in being "hooked up." But she's having a hard time and its because her behavior is not appropriate for this stage of life. Fianlly she wants an answer and she doesn't seem resistant to the solution. So I gave it to her.

My verdict to her: Get your ass out there and celebrate youth. Quit being a masochist! Many many wishes for success!!!

I wouldn't agree that the fact that someone has cheated means that person is with the wrong partner. That ignores the "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence" effect. We naturally tend to imbue the unknown, or less well known, with our fantasies.In this case, moreover, there was unavoidable absence of the partner, and the effect of alcohol. The first makes licit immediate fulfilment of desire impossible; the second reduces inhibitions. It could have happened with a perfect partner; and we can never expect to find one of them, no matter how much we sample the field.

I definitely see where your coming from. But it sounds like your advice (good advice actually) is geared towards people who belong together. As a collective group on this board, we don't have enough info to make that determination. So given what i do know i would definitely err on the side of caution and say a 17 year old girl ought to be doing what is natural: acting like a person who is becoming comfortable with identity and freedom. Part of that is surveying the male population to find the right partner.And you're right. You could search far and wide and never find The One. But at least you could say you tried. Because if you take yourself off the market too quickly than you have absolutely zero chance of finding the The One. You will never know unless you take a chance.

I wouldnt tolerate it if I was him...prolly not the answer your looking for, but if your loyal to him...then be loyal. If your down with going out and getting hammered - then you should just end the relationship cuz we all know its hard to stay away from that club scene of drinking and dancing.