I dunno what to do nemore

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October 1st one of my best friends died.. i dont think there has been a day where i havent cried...tommorow would have been her 17th birthday. I cant get over it.. i dont know what to do.. everyone is telling me "steph she'd want you to move on that she wouldnt want me to be upset" I cant tho.. whenever i think of doing that i start crying.. im so upset.. i cant move on.. i think of all the good amazing times we had.. and its just .. waterfall time i dont know what to do nemore...

awww im so sorry about your friend. Its so hard when someone we love passes on. its always better to talk about your feelings, maybe in a journal or even to a therapist. I hope things get better.

Crying can sometimes be therapeutic. It's a way of letting things out. I'm sure you're friend misses you too. I bet she's even been watching out for you this whole time. I know you miss her, but don't worry. A time will come when you will see her again. I hope you feel better. Much love to you from me.-Frank

i do have a journal it is my therapist.. its just so hard.. seeing someone every day for 4 straight years.. then not for a month.. then the day before she dies.. you see her.. i miss her so much.. i knew her for so long.. its just so hard.. whenever i think "Jenn" i think "maybe i should phone her" but it still hasnt sunk in shes gone.. its so sad...

Steph i've talked to u about this before so i won't go into great detail. My advice to you is just to surround yourself with people you love and that make you happy and try and continue doing the things you are used to doing.

but its been like this since the day she died.. im just so scared to move on i guess

Don't be scared to move on. I know the fears of getting close to someone again is there. The fear to even accept yourself for what may happen down the road. Life is full of tragedy but like is also full of great surprises. I bet that ur friend is somewhere now waiting for you to get better so she can gift you a great big gift.

i went to the grave site for the first time ever
i met a few friends there.. it was really hard.. when i was there tho i felt so relaxed.. i dunno.. i just miss her

It may be good to visit sometimes and talk to her. I feel that someone that has passed away can hear you wherever you are, but where their body has be laid to rest is probably the best place to talk to them.

I think you should spend one day thinking about her, looking at pictures, even talking to her. Either just stay in your room or go to the grave site by yourself. If you are by yourself you may feal closer to her. I hope this works, I think it will.

*Hugs* That's all I had to say. I hope things get better for you. I'm always here to talk if you want.

thanks so much... and to those who have been supporting me. When I went to the cemetary.. i over came 2 of my biggest fears.. walking in a cemetary alone.. and slipping on ice (the pathway was total ice) and when i was walking i felt total peace.. almost like she was with me.. and when i got to her place.. in a way i kind of felt a touch of happiness.. not that im happy shes gone or nething.. i havent been to visit her before.. its just like i kinda felt like she was there and we were connecting.. i miss her SO much.. i never thought that could happen to me..

I haven't been to the cemetary in a long time. Every time I go to see someone I get this feeling though. I can't really explain it. It hits me inside somehow I can't describe. I like to think they're with me.

I know what you're feeling, its a hard thing to go past. I've lost many friends, not by death, just economically, moving. I have lost my grandfather, etc.. and its a great deal of pain to get past. The closer the person, the rougher the pain. But I myself believe in god and heaven etc.. and to have someone who loved her this much, she must have been a good person, and she must be watching you from up above. It's hard to go through this, and rough when you realize you wont see them again. Its happened to me many a time, and i stay up late even thinking of those that i miss. Its really hard, but once you get past this you will be a stronger person, and although theres going to be something missing in your life, you will eventually get past it. Its hard to do this, and you have to get past it alone, because no one knows exactlyhow you feel, but there are supportive people out there like family and friends who will stand by in your timeof need, and I guess you can consider me as one. I hope you feel better.

Don't stress yourself about crying over your loss, every person deals with death in different ways, I know everyone says this, but it will get easier for you, try to remember all the good times you had together, this may make you cry but its all part of grieving. You will get over this you have to be strong, she would hate to be "up there" watching you being so sad, if it helps talk to her.

it happened almost a year ago ... ive gotten better now.. its hard but i have learned that shes never going to be back.. but thank you guys for the support

I know what you are going through. My friend was murdered last year and it still hurts even now. I am finding that there are more times now in between the painful ones though. It really is true that Time Heals. I wish that there was a gravesite that I could go to see him or that I had some pictures of him. He was always VERY camera shy for various reasons. I still can't throw away his old hoody, the only thing I have left from him. I put it on and feel like I am closer to him. I still keep expecting him to call me up on the phone though, for some reason. I try and think about how lucky I was to have known him, maybe it will help for you? I also find that getting together with the other people that cared about him helps now. Instead of being all sad, we talk about the things he did that made us laugh and about his good qualities. Sorry it's such a long post. Take care. I'm sending you strength and positivity.