I dont know

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I kinda feel like an ass posting again.. But.. I feel i need to end it. My friend.. Today was his last day.. He is going total independent.. So i wont see him there even. I was talking to my mom.. and she basicly said there is no way in hell im getting on it. She thinks my grades are bad cause she thinks im making them low so they will let me out. She keeps bringing up jobs and shit.. Saying like.. You cant even make it through school .. how do expect to have a job?... Really.. Im gonna make one last ditch effort with my parents... They shoot me down.. If girl 'Y' shoots me down.. Im out.. I quit.. I cant do it anymore. Everythign is always a disapointment. Seems like the only thing i live for these last few weeks is that chance i can get high the next day.. even that hasn't been working out.. I can't bare the pain anymore... Its to much.. Im to lonley... Its to much to bear.. I used to live for my mom.. Not anymore.. She seems to piss me off more than anything now.. Fuck my dad.. Fuck my parents.. They act like .. Im in there way.. They dont want to listen. I hate school... I hate the people.. But there solution? a tutor? A FUCKING TUTOR? They just dont want to face my problems head on.. cause i dont know why.. I told my mom i was depressed.. and she is like its just a stage.. BS... Slitting my wrist.. taking a few to many pills.. just crossing the street with carelessness isnt a fucking stage.. its called... a SUCIDAL PERSON... Yes.. I think i qualify as sucidal? Dont you think? It seems like nothing ever goes my way.. All i want is simply to be on Independent Study.. Away from people.. doing my work how i want to... Do you think tellign a conselur im sucidal due to school will help me get out? I'm at about a 90% chance of doing it at anytime... It continues to grow.. Its not worth it anymore.. Im sorry once again for another one of my long posts complaing about my fucked up life.. Im going ot see what pills there is in my cupboard.. I heard Excedrin.. Works real well.. Take about 10 of those.. speed my heart up so quick.. That it will die... To much pain.. to much

You will pull through and prove to your parents you dont need their help to succeed in this life. You will pull something out your ass that will help in your search for happiness.

Hey FaBMX, did you talk to that woman today? Don't commit suicide, you're just making your problems lengthen into eternal struggle. I usually don't suggest this, but you're better off running away or going to the police department to tell them what's going on than to kill anyone. Hmmmmm, going to the cops and telling someone your problems... That never occured to me before.

I didn't see her on campus today. What would happen if i told a teacher.. counselur .. or something.. That i truely have a hate for people and want to kill myself?

Telling someone, anyone that will take you seriously will be helpful FaBMX. In fact, I'd tell more than one person. Tell a teacher, an administrator, if no one will listen talk to the cops, they will.

Just wondering but... ACETAMINOPHEN ... Would it kill me? If i took about 15-20?

Don't take it, don't find out either. I don't know.

I think possibly.. Thing might have taken a turn for the better. Tonight at dinner.. whole family in there.. I was talking about my friend leaving.. and all.. and he looked at me.. and goes is he your only friend?!.. I go yeah.. Basicly.. I really have no where else to go.. He just kinda sat there.. and he wanted me to get the I.S. info. ( He even said.. if the counselur gives you trouble.. you have both of my cell phone numbers ) Maybe he is considering? Oh god i hope he is. Tomorrow.. Im a loner.. AGAIN.. I was kinda putting my depression into it tonight.. and i was talking in a low voice.. depressed.. But.. Seems like anytime i think things are going right.. they make a harder turn to the worse.. so im not even gettign my hopes up.... I still got my pills handy... I would be happier if i wasnt there..

I think its kinda weird.. I have been let down so much .. That i dont even expect this to happen.. Im already expecting failure.. Thats sad

Talk to someone and it will get better.

In classic form.. It got worse .. I was optimistic.. and still sucked.... First day my friend wasnt there.. Ended up alone at lunch.. Hanging in the back of the school.. All i kept thinking about was sucide.. and how easy it would be for me to swallow all those pills... and it would be over. End of my pain. End of my fucked life. No more.. It even got worse.. My dad called my counselur ( I requested to see him on monday about Independent study and tutors. ) He called him ( got voice mail ) and said he wanted to know what TUTORING PROGRAMS ARE THERE!?!... Fuck me.. He obviously dosn't want me on there. I can't last.. Im alone now. I have no one to live for anymore. Alone at school. Alone at home. Alone.. Period. These last 3 + months have been the worse ever. I can't take it. I feel sad all the time. I havn't had any weed for like two weeks. Seems like that was a big bluff. Everyone swears they have it when i didn't do it .. but now.. No one has it. I want Indepedent Study. I get more and more depressed going to school. I might try that lady tomorrow. If i dont fix my problems tonight. Im just scared.. I dont want to go to some fucked up mental hospital. I dont want everyone tryign to be nice to me because they feel sorry for me. I almost litterally lost it in class.. Almost fucking lost it. Im loosing it. I might stand up in the middle of class and just tell them what i all think. I H A T E PEOPLE.. I like talking to people online because there not all judgemetal (SP?) and all. I want to kill everyone at school. I hate em` that bad. Should i tell that lady that? On my list to tell her: I hate school, Depressed, Sucidal, Want to conduct a school mascare.. .Does that work? I shouldn't tell her anything.. I dont know.. I just hate life

Hang on, FaBMX. Do see that lady tomorrow. Tell her how bad you are feeling. Tell her you are very depressed, you hate your life, you hate school, you are losing your friend; that you feel you are at the end of your tether. You can tell her you wish you could kill everyone - that's just a wish, but make sure you make it clear that you're not about to actually do it.

Both X and Y.. looks like i have a good chance with.. But.. It isn't helping my depression at all.. Seems like my dad totaly forgot about Indepenent Study... Sigh.. Hopefully my counselur will call me up.. and i can get the information..

Today.. I went to my conselur on IS.. and he gives this line of BS.. so i call my mom at lunch..she calls him .. I get called up again.. and he gives me an app. for it... My mom never got a call back.. She told me.. She goes there baiscly no way your father is going to go for it.. Even if you fail.. So now.. Im fucked.. Things have sucked for to long... These pills seem better and better each day... Take all 64 of them.. and Im gone.. Out of this fucked up thing called my life.. Life is only getting worse...

Im basicly sittign here looking at it... Im the reason my family argues.. we used to be a nice.. regular family.. but now.. Seems like everyone is always argueing.. I think i have a date tonight with 64 pills... Thats it.. I cant take it.. Im going for one last ditch effort.. to get one miseary out of my life.. SCHOOL.. If i dont do it tomorrow.. and say i talk to the lady.. I talked to her today.. in the office.. just kinda of passing conversation.. I didnt want to get into my problems in the middle of the office. But.. IF i dont do it tonight.. I will talk to her. I dont know what to tell her.. Everyime i think about conseuling... I just think.. I dont need it.. Im normal.. Is this normal to think like this? But, What things should i tell her: A. Hate for school/people B. Depression ( sucdial? or not? ) .. Should i mention i do drugs or not? I need help on this..

Just took (5) 500mg acetaminophen pills... Thats 2500mg.. hmm.. Wonder if it will work..

Tell her everything.I used to think I had such a fucked up family. Alchoholic stepdad, Verbally abusing mom, yelling fighting, embarassment. Now I realize my family is just human like everyone else, and they have things to offer me that other families dont have. I feel very lucky to have grown up the way I did. I know what I know because of it.As Ineligible said, be very carefull how you bring up wanting to kill people. Even if its true, some things are better left unsaid.

Work by ending my misary... Im feeling a little light headed... im noggona lay now...

Go make yourself throw up. Unless you're trying to relieve pain and fever, but you shuldn't need that many! PM me if you need support.

FaBMX, acetaminophen damages your liver. It doesn't cause a quick death, it causes slow but irreversible liver damage over. Please make yourself throw them up.There are always ways to endure. In time, your family will have no more hold on you and this will all be in the past.