At the moment I am really confused. For the last few weeks/months I haven't been feeling the same, my behaviour has gone completely different. I keep getting angry at my parents for no good reason, when I'm out with my friends I'm fine one minute and then the next I just go silent, I just all of a sudden don't feel like talking and it annoys my friends aswell as annoying myself. When I go quiet I stop listening to everybody else and get stuck in a deep trail of thought that for some reason always involves me asking myself the same question, "why do they like me?" I think about the way I act toward them and I can never think of one good reason as to why they like me, which brings me to the conclusion that they are lying to me, which makes me dislike them cause I hate liars. I hate my behaviour because it is ruining my relationships with the people that I feel closest to. I've changed in school as well, my grades have dropped so much, and I've shouted at teachers and it is scaring me a bit cause it is just not like me.I hardly ever sleep even though I'm nearly always tired. I haven't cried since I was very young but when I'm lying in bed tears just start running down my face for no reason. But sometimes I am the complete opposite, I get very hyper, I become very active and I just randomly start jumping around and my mind flicks from one thought to the next. I haven't talked about this to anyone yet because I'm not very sure what I'm supposed to be talking to them about. I've looked all of this up on the internet and they seem to be the symptoms of depression, but there is just a part of me that thinks that I'm only feeling these things as a form of attention seeking.Please Help Me
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Is it depression?
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you do sound depressed...and manic. you should get it checked out. i know how that feels to have this constant depression nagging at you. just make sure, when you do see someone, that when they prescribe you a medication, its not somethign that they just like to prescribe. before i get depression/anxiety stuff, i always talk to another doctor to see if that is a good one for me, in their opinion too. im sorry you feel this way...
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Another problem is that I don't know who to tell. My local doctor, the only doctor that I trust, retired a few weeks ago. I can't talk to my school counsellor cause she is the older sister of a girl in my class and I just can't seem to trust her. I can't talk to any of my friends because the depression has distanced me from them so much now. I don't feel right telling my parents because for some reason whenever I imagine telling them, I just see myself rubbing it in their face, as if its their fault. My temper has made me afraid to talk to them because I'm afraid that I'll just lash out at them for no reason.
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there are elements of depression and also mania there. It's possible it might be cyclothymia, in which you cycle between mild depression and mild mania. It can be treated. The anger problem might be stress arising form the other problems (including the lack of sleep).None of this is anything to be ashamed of. You can tell your parents (and I think it would be good to start with your parents) without rubbing it in their faces. For example, you could say something like "I'm sorry about the way I've been behaving, something seems to be wrong with me and I can't be my normal self" - and then you explain the symptoms, as you did with us. If you find it impossible to talk to them, you could put it in writing - your post above would be a fine start.