Desperate

---

I don't know what to do. I've tried to get help, but I just seem to be getting worse. It's getting harder to make it through each day. I just want to end it. I don't know know how much longer I can hang on. I just feel so alone. My family, friends, doctor.. everyone knows how I've been feeling, but I can't talk to them. They just see as something I will eventually get over. I've tried so many time to say to my mom that I want to kill myself, but I just can't get the words out. Recently, I woke up her up in the middle of the night b/c I was crying hysterically and I wanted to kill myself then. I said some things to her, but not the whole truth. I've been put on antidepressants, but they are not working. I went to a therapist, didn't work. I just don't see any other solution right now.

How long have you been on antidepressants? They can take six weeks to work, and sometimes a few have to be tried to find one that works well for you. Therapy takes time to work, too. But keep talking here and you won't be alone here.

I've been on them for a couple months. Its nice to know that I'm not alone. I will keep talking, even if no one listens.

People on here will listen to you and offer advice.

I know pretty much how you are feeling right now. I was in a similar state of mind back in the 70's. SUPER depressed but ,at the same time, I didn't know why. I was headed for the Aurora Bridge, in Seattle to jump off! The cops grabbed me and I was locked up, in a rubber room, at Harborview hospital. I was given drugs and counciling but just played the game, until they let me out.I continued to work and live my day to the next day. Bored as hell, depressed and feeling totally worthless, until I met an old black man (whose apartment I was rehabing). He asked "You look so down-in-the-dumps! What's bothering you?" I told him what was going on and he said "Life is short. Don't screw with it and things will fall into place. You're a valuable person not only to you but to others." He passed away in 1982 but I'll never forget that wise old man. Essentially, forget the bullshit and move on. A hard mental attitude is required now. You have a contribution to make to the world and nothing will hold you back! KICK SOME ASS! Feel free to pm me at any time.

I guess I don't think I have anything to offer anyone. I am a waste of space. I constantly tell myself that I am ugly, stupid and that I hate myself. I try to never look in mirrors b/c I get disgusted with what I see. I have people that I know and complete strangers that come up to me and say I have a pretty face. I can't believe them though. I know people care about me and would miss if I was gone, but it still doesn't change how I feel. I know killing yourself is the cowards way out and I am trying really hard to fight it. But each day that passes I just don't see the point of living anymore. There is no point to me existing at all. I feel like a mistake was made when I was created.

That's what depression does to you. It makes you think the good things can't be real, while it makes you think anything bad must be real truth, always, everywhere. In other words, it makes you think illogically. If complete strangers say you have a pretty face, it's logical to assume they are telling the truth - but depression tries hard to keep that thought away from you.You weren't a mistake. You are worthwhile. You just have an illness, depression.

I started cutting my arm again last night. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't handle things.

Very well said!

Depression sucks, granted. I was fortunate to have that old guy and a cop bring me out of it. There is no point, in abusing yourself, just to allieviate the pain of depression.Ineligible is absolutely correct in saying "You're worth it!" Every human being has a purpose in life and you are no exception. Be free be good and most of all be true to yourself! We're all in this together.