Nervous about first time...

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I know there's obviously alot of posts about this... Maybe I over think it all, as I said in a previous post, I will most likely be having sex with my girl saturday (she gets back from a trip) Im in love with her but suddenly feeling very nervous, which is sad because I am 25... I wanted to wait until I was married, but as I have no plans to be married for years, I don't want to wait anymore.But everytime I come close to having sex,I feel guilty... mostly religious guilt, but guilty just the same...and it makes me want to push my partner away. Now I mentioned I loved her, we've only been together for a month or less but I have never felt about her like I do anyone else...Sighs.. I'm a wreck. edit: The last, but least important thing is, we don't get to see each other to often as she lives 2.5 hours away adn I am busy with school so I want to make the most of our time together when I am with her

Its ok to feel like you do, especially with a strong religious background. Don't fret, follow your heart and do as you feel is right. Its possible to have strong feelings for someone you've only known a few months...

Ya... its always religious...I screwed my head up as a kid, read Revelations after a traumatic time... I realize technically to God and the church all sins are equal... but considering you can only have give your virginity outside of marriage once, for some reason it seems bigger then it should be.

I do love her though...I just have to look at her picture and I can't stop smiling... sighs.. I'm lost in her eyes...

I don't know how it'd be with you, but I lost my virginity and the guilt never went away (even with my fiance) til after I was married. I'd cry after almost every time I had sex.

im generally good at coping... I think the guilt is more in the act of giving it away... when I was younger I wanted to wait until I was married as I got older, I decided I wanted to wait until it was with someone I cared about... I guess I just never expected to really find that person...I should be happy that I have... hmm

If you know that's what you want, by all means go for it. My only caution would be don't rush it because of the distance thing.

Take your time, Noc. You don't really seem ready to me. Don't have sex just because you feel it is expected.What does your girlfriend want?

I had a lot of sex when I was younger and when I got married, i really regreted it a lot, I still do. All that sex is nothing compared to what I have with my wife. It was all a huge waste of time and a big mistake. Wait til the right one comes along, it will Totally be worth it!

I know my girlfriend wants to have sex for sure... she's said it a few times... I know I do to...shrugs I am just ridden by guilt...though, I feel guilty about alot of things.By now i know I should have had sex...I've had plenty of oppertunities, I've just always turned them down becasue I don't do one night stands or casual sex...want it with someone I care for...I know I care for my girlfriend...isn't that enough? Maybe i'll never be ready, but I don't want to have to wait forever and deny the chance for it.I realize she's not pressuring me

Curved Unit,

This might seem wrong thing to say, but I would like to have sex before marriage, I don't want to go into marriage with someone that has had sex with multiple partners and I haven't... Its not that I want something to compare to, its more that I don't want to wonder what sleeping with other people is like. Does that make sense? I would never cheat or have an affair, but I don't want to risk resenting it either...

make sense? I hope so... I'm not consumed by my desire for sex, that should be obvious. I think I am just stubborn, once I have sex I can't say I've managed to resist it for 8 years, or whatever without waiting that long again... ya I talk to much

In reply to:By now i know I should have had sex...I don't see that, Noc. You don't have to have sex to be a man. Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin, but that doesn't make him less of a man.The idea that you haven't lived unless you've done X, can be used of so many things, but it's a trap. None of us can have every experience in life that it is possible to have, and people who try to, are generally not happy.

well I didn't know that about Sir Isaac Newton, learn something new... Personally I find it harder as I go on though. Mainly I don't date that much, and it gets harder and harder the older I get because its more expected that i should be having sex and getting tired of losing out because I won't have sex with my current fling...So complicated to me, it just seems like to much stress being a virigin....

I'm not sure I fully agree with some of these posts. Your ambivalence about sex will not necessarily be overcome by either marriage or finding a woman who you really think is the one (if there is such a thing...). I have two competing pieces of advice. First, if you have sex when you're not ready, you almost guarantee that you'll have a bad first experience. This could easily put you in a greater sexual dilemma than your present situation. Being a virgin is not as stressful as being a first-timer who had a horrible first time.On the other hand, it may not be a good idea to continue letting your sexual issues fester. Having sex could de-mystify the act in a good way, relieving some of your anxiety. After all, there's nothing categorically different about sex than many other activities. You probably wouldn’t be so stressed out about your first time touching a woman's breast, for instance (ridiculous example, but humor me). Whatever magic associated with the specific act of intercourse derives not from the act, but from the feelings between the actors, the mood, sexual chemistry, etc. If I had to merge these pieces of advice, I'd say: play it by ear. Don't force yourself either way. Have a couple of wild nights of non-intercourse sexual activities and just see how you feel about going further. Good luck!!! as an aside: Yes, the association with reproduction is one thing that makes sex categorically different, but this isn't critical to the experience—sterile and protected people can still have sex.

Thanks Steppanwolf and NatashaIts been a month and ya it is in that honeymoon stage and just keeps going deeper, as I've said many times I've never felt this strongly about someone in so short a time, I am certain it is love and that hurts because I never belived in love at first site, but ti happened.We've spent one night together, without intercourse but active in bed and I am completly comfortable with her, as opposed to many other people who just made me feel anxious. We speak constantly on the phone and she's gotten me to blush for over an hour before without saying anything blush worthy, just by hearing hear voice.I'm certain she's the one I want, I guess now its just performance anxiety... Thanks alot for your advice, well thought and it hits home.