I need help.

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I have a story to tell. When I was a kid, I had a lot of problems. I was not very good in school. I was even in Special Ed because I just wasn't up to snuff. I am pretty sure that my parents feared for my future and I would have if I had known any better. This was during my elementary and middle school years. I never thought much of myself, thought that I was dumb so I didn't try when I was really young. However, there were teachers during my later elementary years that helped me and I started to improve in school and of my behavior. So, things started to get better from there on. When I got into high school, I started to do really well. I got around a 3.5 GPA, I was in Boy Scouts and I attained the rank of Eagle, I got into a good college. I also had some really good teachers in high school. I decided that I wanted to be a teacher because of those teachers that I had in Elementary in High School that effected my life in a positive way. So. I went to college and worked really hard. So, I made it to my graduating semester. I was working on a B.A. in Mathematics and a teaching certificate. When I made it to my semester of student teaching, I had a couple of supervising teachers. So I remember when one of them was talking about her students in special ed. Not thinking much of what I was saying, I told her that I was in special ed once upon a time. I didn't mention that I hadn't been in Special Ed since my freshmen year in High School. But anyway, we all have our crosses to bear. I don't have good handwriting. I sometimes make mistakes and I have sometimes had trouble paying attention. But anyway, after two weeks the teachers and the school of education that I was working with told me to leave the school and never come back. First, I got called into a conference at the college where they were trying to convince me to leave student teaching. In that conference, one of the people there even asked me the question: "You told one of your teachers at the school that you had been in special ed. Why did you not think to get into special ed up here?" I was so insulted. I then went down to the school and was told by the assistant principal to leave the school and never return. The reason they asked me to leave is because they didn't think I was ready and they didn't want to set me up for failure. The school of education at the college in some way admitted that they didn't know why they didn't think I was ready, but still felt the need to pull me out of student teaching even though I worked years to get to that point. But the school of ed offered me nothing in the way of help in how they thought that I could improve. So, I had to drop out of the education program. That happened 2 years ago in the winter of 2003. Thankfully, I still did get my math degree. I tried to move on with my life and find a decent job, but nobody would hire me. I tried going back to grad school this past year to get an MS in math, but I haven't done well enough to go back this spring. The problem is that I have been depressed for the last 2 years. The ultimate reason why is because as a kid I had problems. As I got older and got my act together, I worked to attain what I want. I also had a deep seated fear that I would not be able to succeed and that is why I worked so hard. But when all of that stuff happened and afterwards, it is like I have been living in my own nightmare. I stopped believing in myself. I fear that I will never get a good job. I cannot make anything work. I even yelled in rage that I wish that I was never born. I don't know what to do and I don't believe in myself anymore.

I would've gotten a lawyer and sued. Something else had to have gone on, nobody can just drop you like that. What school were you going to?

I was at CU Boulder. As for your statement above, you're right. When people fire you, they give you a concrete reason. It may be bullshit but it is a reason.

Hi scooter, and welcome to AfraidToAsk. Reading your story, it's not clear to me why you were fired. It may not be clear to you, either, but I think it's at the core of the issue. If you could tell more, or find out more, it might help a lot.

Don't be afraid of not being perfect. None of us are. We all struggle and fall down a lot. Most of life is bumbling on, picking yourself up when you fall down and going a bit further forward. You're not useless because you couldn't make something work, just human like all of us.

I told you everything I know. They told me I wasn't ready and never gave me a concrete reason. The thing is, it was student teaching, so it wasn't a job per se. They seemed to want me out of the way because they decided that I was beyond hope. Maybe because I let slip that I was in special ed. They may have revealed their predjudice. THere were complaints about my handwriting though the teacher in these early weeks. I was only there for two weeks. THey put me up in front of the classroom in one class early on and I did get a little flustered. They talked to me about the need to be a better disciplinarian. Which I agree with, but when I tell people this, they say "That's what student teaching is for."

I don't think they got rid of you over Special Ed.. As long as you are competent now what difference does it make. There must be something else. And I could understand why your hand writing could be a problem! But, that not enough to kick you in the shits. How bad is it really?

Scooter - I don't know about anyone else who read your post hon, but all I got was the sense of a strong person, who has worked hard......you should be proud of what you have accomplished so far.In life shit happens, we all go through some bad times, and I agree with the others, it doesn't sound like they had good reason to fire you - but that said don't let them ruin the rest of your life by taking away your self confidence.You have more drive and determination than a lot of people I know, and you owe it to yourself - no one else - to get back on track! easy said I know, but you CAN do it!I think everyone has a fear of failure, on some level, be it relationships, school, jobs, AND we all do fail sometimes, its what makes us who we are........as long as you learn from your experiences in life, good or bad, then they have been valuable to you as a person.I was depressed for 3 years after the birth of my disabled daughter, and I know just how you feel. I used medication to help me get back on track.....and now my life is so much better, and I am soo much stronger - as you will be.This low point in your life will pass........Believe in yourself, you are the only person who can change it if you don't like it hugs

Sorry to ask, but what was your daughter born with?

Hey, don't be afraid to ask hon hugs - Taylor was born with a hole in her heart, and blind........its been really hard work, and tonnes of hospital visits!.....but she is now 8, and is as strong and independant as me lol She goes to a main stream school, uses braille etc....I have also had to learn how to read and write in braille - it was SOOOO HARD!!!!! lol Her heart doesn't give her much trouble, and she copes with anything life throws at her - she is my inspiration, if she can smile everyday , which she does, with what she has to cope with, then hell so can I

I hope I am strong. 2004 was a little better than 2003, but it still sucked. I want 2005 to be better. But I tried so hard to find my footing and now it's like I am at a total loss.

Wow you guys really inspired me to go better. Right now I'm doing bad in school and i'm also trying to get my act together, but it'll be hard. Witch, that story really made me realize what i have to do, and it was great. Scooter, as a wise woman once said to me "Life is rough, and there are people who are in control. What you have to do is squeeze all that you can out of those bastards because some of them do not want you to succeed" which is why im going to squeeze as much knowledge as i can out of my bastard teachers since they didn't give me a chance. You must strive to achieve what you want, think about all the people who had to overcome boudaries. Martin luther king, helen keller, and many more. I know i'm just a teenage kid with probably no clue in what he's saying but all I can say is that athough it seems others are in control, you must take charge and show them who you are, that you are somone and that you can do more than what they think you can do. Stick with what you can and try to achieve more.

I definitely go with the last sentence of your post........you are definitely \*someone\* you are you, and it really IS amazing how much you can achieve in life :smile:
If you don't love yourself, no one else will, and only you can make changes in your life.....Life is too short to be doing anything you don't want to do......
Good luck with everything \*hugs\*