"no one cares about you, kill yourself freak."

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so i was told this today by my oh so great brother, along with other things, 'nobody wants you around anymore, you just make everybodys life hell', 'you always ruin my life, why don't you just leave, nobody loves you, we all hate you, about time you realised that' and other stuff i don't really wanna say. so now i don't know, you guys on here are so great and so fab and i have met some fabulous people on here, but you guys aren't here, and having this said by a member of my family kinda sucks. made me cry, and still very close to it, thinking aboot this and writing it down is making me wanna cry even more, but that makes me feel pathetic. he telling the truth? i reckon he is, and i think i can deal with this, i just feel so bad again now, thought i had gotton over this, but turns out i havent, goddamsorry for ranting, i just cant get it out anywhere else, and it happened before so i know if i dnt say anything, it will niggle at me for a while.sorry people, you have better things to do than listen to me ranting on about how shit my life is right now.

becky, have a talk to your momif you want me to come up to see you, you know my number, should only be about an hours drive

Becky, Its ok, Rant on here all you want.. Thats what i have to do cause i hate most people in my life or they dont believe me. So this is my only resort. Even tho i make posts and reply to them like a 1000 times.. .Thats what i have to do.. Some may think its for my post count, but it isnt... I have few people i can talk to about my problems.. I have this board.. and two of my better friends ( guess you can call them best.. but dont like to ) .. But i dont like to bog them down with my problems.. Thats why i post on here... So feel free to get it out.. anytime you need to.. Even tho i dont reply to every topic.. I read them ( Atleast in depression ) I cant always think of a reply.. Just that hard.. Anyways.. I shot you a PM.. Feel free to PM me anytime ( that goes for everyone ) and we care about you

it not that easy paul hun, favouratism or something, but it all very 1 sided. i guess it just something i have to put up with, but was so close to doing it, to making everybody happy, if that what they all want, and it makes sense, but i said before, i too gutless to do anything about it, i all talk, which drives me crazy, i hate it, hate the fact that nothing will ever happen, that when it comes down to it, i wnt do it. goddam

i want to die right now

heheh, this is the 3rd goddam time of writing this thing, stupid arse computer! Yeah, i knida know it not true, but when said byu my brother with so much passion and said so ofeten, i starting to think maybe it is true. maybe i should go, stop being such a burden, such a waste on peoples lives (sorry ed). i really am running out of ideas.Get my results on thursday for exams i sat in january, not looking forward to it. it be another day of being a failure, anopther day of being told by my dad that i am a failure, thast i hjave let everybody down and they rae ashamed to have me in their family, in their lives. maybe it not true but really kills when it said by memebrsa of my family, people who have had such and influence on me, people i used to respect more than anything. heh, here i am babbling again, you must get so irritated by me!CR, you ok?? you worrying me, you know you can PM or email me anytime, i here for you. Know how you feeling, starting to think it be easier and stuff just to go, just to slip out. I bin writing this in a classroom full of people, and nobody has noticed, nobody has said anything.Sorry, i just this annoying teenager moaning about her life, when it really not so bad, others have it worse, so sorry to all that do have it worse, i dont mean to babble so much, just had to get it out. My parents are starting to reconsider me coming on here, coz of the ppl i might be talking to, grrr, will be totally alone and isolated, really dont no how that will work. Ok, will go now, enough of meBecky xx

heh sorry about the spelling, school compooter is fucking up.

Allow yourself to breathe. Sometimes we have to rise to amazing heights just to breathe some fresh air, but its there. Just a matter of how high you want to surface. You can do it, you have it in you. Stop seeing yourself as a faliure!

If you dwell on the negative then your life will be negative.

Whoa Amanda... Out of everything you ever said, I like that the best.

Well it's the truth. If you sit around and mope and complain about your problems and bring you and everyone around you down then how can your life be happy and positive? You're contaminating your life and making it negative. Focus on what you have in life, how lucky you are to be living, think positive even when you are down, and eventually things will take a turn for the better. Everything in life has a way of working itself out.

Gets down on kneesI'm not worthy, I'm not worthy...I totally agree.

I always try to think postive.. But they get worse