It all started this evening with a minor panic attack at a store with my husband. He wanted to get out of town, and so did I, so we headed into Dallas to goof off. However, I don't leave home much, and I started getting rather screwy, and he wanted to know what was up. I told him when we left what had happened. This led to an interrogation about what I was thinking and what got me thinking about it. I could answer the first part easily; my mind turned rather grossly morbid, as it often does, but I have no idea what started it.So it is with most other things surrounding my depression/anxiety, as I'm sure you're familiar. I know my mind will get on certain things and they get me down, but I don't know how it all happens. As I keep trying to tell him, if I had all the answers, I wouldn't have a problem. Yet it always ends up when I try to talk to him about it that I feel like I'm on trial for being sad. He says that he's not trying to make me feel that way, but he's not going to just sit back and let me be depressed. Yet that's always how it comes across to me, or else that it's a personal flaw. He talks like there's something I can do, though he doesn't know and I certainly don't, that if I just do the right thing, it'll all go away. Or else, it's "Why are you choosing to be depressed?" He always says I don't listen to his suggestions...obviously I must not be, or I'd be a lot better, wouldn't I (sarcasm alert). He says I don't face my problem, that I just try to run away from it. I tried to tell him I do much more facing than he knows, but he just can't accept that because I'm not making any progress. If prayer doesn't take the problem away, then I don't have enough faith. Anything I try that doesn't just clear up the problem significantly, and fast, just means I'm not trying hard enough. Of course, he's never been truly depressed, and he admits it. I've gotten to the point where I take his advice with "I can see where you're coming from, but frankly, you don't know what you're talking about, and it's not nearly as simple and clear-cut as you think". I would never wish for him to feel this way for the long term, but so many times I've wished that he could know how I was feeling just for a bit so either he could come up with a viable answer or (more likely) shut up. Sorry for the long rant, but I'm getting to the end of my rope here. I know his reaction is probably based mostly in fear of the unknown, but that doesn't make me feel better when I get told one more time to "Try harder" or worse, that "I don't know how I got this way, besides a few chemicals being off in my head" isn't an answer. Have any of you had significant others that just didn't/don't seem to get it? How did you deal with it? How, if at all possible, did you ever get your point across, that you weren't, of all things, trying to be miserable? I'm getting to the point where I want to refuse to discuss it at all with him, which I know will scare him even more, not to mention make me feel like a volcano just waiting to erupt. I don't have the words to explain what is going on to someone so far removed from my situation. If someone has those words, please tell me.Terrapin1
Significant others when you're depressed/anxious
I think this is a common issue between men and women. Women's natural response to a problem is usually sympathy; but a guy's response is usually "how can we fix this, or stop it happening again?". It's the practical side. The trouble is, some guys feel they must solve the problem to show themselves competent, and they get very upset when they can't. That then leads to blaming the person with the problem for not being cooperative. They can't understand why the woman would mention the problem if she wasn't going to cooperate with the process of fixing it - because he never would; and why isn't she grateful for all his efforts to help her?There's no easy solution for this. Your guy appears to have a particularly simple mind, and it won't be easy to educate him.