Sorry for the long post.....I'm really confused, i think i'm the only person, or maybe the only woman who doesn't like commitment. I tend to avoid relationships because after a while the guy i'm with seems to fall madly in love with me and want to marry me or spend the rest of his life with me. My last relationship i was in love with him but i couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with him so i asked for time and he ended it, so i jumped at this and didn't ask for him back.I don't know what it is, it just freaks me out so much, not that its cos its only being intimate with one person, i'm not a promiscious person or anything, i don't really believe in sex outside of relationships or marriage. But i love getting to know someone and having that comfort but as soon as it gets serious i just want to run.When i was 18 (i'm 21 now) i had my first love and we got engaged and were going to spend the rest of our lives together but i broke it off because it was scaring me the thought of being with him forever. I still regret it cos i still love him to this day but even if he said he'd take me back now i still get scared at the thought of spending the rest of my life with him.It frustrates me so much cos i love him so much and he's perfect for me.....not that he's gonna ask or i don't think he would but even if he did etc. So i don't even know what to do cos i know i'm young to think about this but i don't think i'd change in 20 years time. But that means no relationships then.
-
Commitment
-
I think you should give it a little more time. If things don't change in time (even though you don't think you will), then concentrate on the commitment thing later... One more question, have you had some kind of dramatic past that is affecting you? If so, then perhaps it's an issue that hasn't given you closure.
-
Its just hard in the meantime, i mean do i just avoid relationships for fear of leading them on or hurting them?Yes i had issues in my childhood but don't really know why that should effect me, surely i would love the commitment and security as its safe?
-
Past problems can really affect you subconsciencely and sometimes drag on for years on end if it's dramatic enough and left untreated. If the issues you experienced as a child has to do with your parents or with relationships in general, then that may very well be the problem.
-
Well i suffered abuse as a child which i have in some had counselling for but maybe not enough. The mind is strange, surely as a result of my childhood i'd be wanting safety and commitment not trying to push it away. I dunno i give up trying to work my head out.
-
You can easily do research on this subject. There's so many documents about this issue on the internet it's hard to miss it. Here's a small quote from one source I've found, "The underlying dynamic of child abuse--the breakdown of marriage and the commitment to love--is spreading like a cancer from poor communities to working-class communities."
-
Girl, me and you are total opposites. I've been on here bitchin' and moanin' about wanting to be in a committed relationship because that's all I really want in life. Maybe you pushing all these guys away is some kind of subconscious defense mechanism. It sounds like you're a very independent person and maybe you think if you put your all into one person and then something bad happens, you'll be lost. That's how I feel in a weird way even though I want one...I hope this helps...