This my first post, although I've been browsing this board for a while. It looks like a great place to go when your down, there are some great people here who generally want to listen and help. So here's my problem.I'm a complete, total loner - age 21 male, and living with my parents. I've disconnected myself from everyone I knew from high school and tech school. My only friends (if i can call them that) are the few people I chat with at work. I really don't have a problem with being alone, I spend most of my time playing video games, or watching DVD's and TV, or hanging out with the family pets. Occassionally I will come of my shell and actually try to coordinate a football or hockey game among co-workers because I love sports and competition. But otherwise, I could be described as completely anti-social.I think as a side effect to this, I'm really a boring person to talk to. It feels like I have almost no social skills at all. Ironically, I work in sales and am on the phone constantly. Alot of people I talk to are friendly and outgoing. They usually try to strike up a smalltalk conversation with me about the weather etc. etc, but usually my main goal at that point is to give them whatever they need and end the conversation ASAP because I feel like I have absolutely nothing to add to it. People sometimes describe me as being too serious. That's really not the case, its just that I have a hard time interacting with other people.My dad gets on my case sometimes too. He's mainly disappointed because I've NEVER had a girlfriend, especially during high school years. And now I really have no friends. And I'm not really career-oriented or a workaholic, so its not like I don't have alot of free time. Because of all this he sees me as somewhat of a loser. He tries to hook me up with his friends' daughters/nieces alot of times, and I have a lack of confidence so I usually try to avoid it. (Once again it goes back to being a boring conversationalist)I really don't hate being a loner as most people would. The truth is I actually feel comfortable. However I look at some of the "loners" I work with who are mainly 45+ old, divorced, and completely miserable. I don't want to end up like them, so I have some ambition to better my position in life, to go back to school and get a degree. But as most people envision themselves marrying someone and raising a family, I envision myself owning a house, loaded with cool stuff, lots of money in the bank, a fast car in the garage, and maybe a boat on the dock. All for me. I'm not against meeting a great girl and getting married and raising a family, I actually hope that is what's in my future. But I just have no ambition to go out dating. I just don't have the confidence, so I choose to remain comfortable.So thats my so-called life. Is there anyone out there who can share in my experience? Is there anything wrong with being a loner?
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I'm a complete loner, is that ok?
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No there's nothing wrong with being a loner. I consider myself one in a lot of ways. As long as you're comfortable and happy then who cares what others think.
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You're so much like me. Well almost because I actually hate being a loner, but like you, I'm also bad in conversations. When other people say something interesting, all I've got to say back is a stinkin' "Yeah". This frustrates me quite a lot, especially because I'm not a boring person. I've talked to other people in a chat room where I am myself with no problem and the people always find me very interesting. Another problem I have when I'm around other people is that I have some sort of personality disorder. I'm either cold and distant, or acting like a complete dork. I can never be myself:(
I've also never had a girlfriend. I've even gotten the name the "Girl-Less Wonder". It may sound funny, but it's sad and true. My goal is to be able to open up more to people more and be myself.
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I have to agree with the other replies to this message......to me you sound really happy 'being you' so I don't see the problem.......Im the opposite actually, I can't be by myself for long periods I go mad.....
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its not a bad thing for a while but if you stay a loner too long you'll forget how to make friends even less than you say you do, and i'm willing to bet you're gonna wake up one day and feel like shit.you may think its ok to spend the rest of your life alone but i guarantee you'll feel different eventually. i dont see how anyone could not mind that anyway although i've been there before. was kind of spiteful towards other people until i woke up after not doing practiclaly anythin for 3/4s a year and that was the lowest point of my life.i'd try changing yourself even if its only slowly. you might meet some people you like or something. you dont have to act like a loner if you dont wanna. some random lady told me when i was moving as a kid that i could be anything i wanted to be when i moved. i'm not saying you should change your location just when you surround yourself with all knew people, you can do whatever you want and it isnt gonna be seen as you opening up or anything sad.being yourself isnt very good advice. its possible to change yourself. A person can be a jerk and start being nicer, you can be unsocial and turn social.
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I wouldn't say I had no friends etc, but I definatley prefer to be on my own. If some-one invites me to a party or to simply stay over at thier house, i'll usually turn it down, just for the simple fact that I actually prefer being on my own. Perhaps it's a confidence issue (i'm not going to judge myself am I?) I kind of feel that none of my 'friends' are interested in what i'm interested in so whats the point?I don't think there is anything 'wrong' (as you put it) with being if loner. That is if thats what you want.
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There's definately nothing wrong with being a "loner" as long as you're happy being one.You say you enjoy sports and competition - if you do decide you want to meet more people, why not join a local sports team?And as for feeling like you have nothing to contribute to a conversation, of course you do! You have opinions about things don't you? You have favourite movies, and thoughts about what's going on in the world? I think you're selling yourself short, dude.You sound like a really nice guy and I can't see why people wouldn't want to befriend you. But like I said, if you're happy with your own company then there's definately nothing wrong with that.
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loners are ok, i consider myself sort of a loner. Be yourself and you'll be fine. if you really want to have a family, u should start doin something now. if your co-workers try to make conversations with you, you should start trying as well. it wont matter if it only lasts 10 seconds, the more you do it, the longer the conversations will be. you'll be fine.
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i guess you could consider me a loner like i'll just go out some place were i know no one and like sit on a bench from like 4 to 11 then go home but i like it i dunno why it just fun to sit and think about stuff i also can not realy start a convo with a girl in person but on the net sure and all thos who are intrested just got o9ut so i'm now appearing back on the boards
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There is nothing wrong with being a loner, I've been one all of my life. I have the personality of an earthworm sometimes. I'm the type who would rather be alone in my room reading a book than out drinking and living it up at a party, it's just not my thing I guess. Being aloner isn't a bad thing, but I would suggest trying to find a few people to hang out with every once in a while (I'm also trying to do that as well) because one of these days you're going to need someone but when you look around, no one will be there.
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For starters, I AM A LONER. Yes, many people do consider themselves 'loners'. But that's ok, some people do enjoy the pleasure of their own company and others can't stand it. It's what makes us all different and unique. Though, what I will say is, I think you do need to have a close friend, not a big group or anything like that, but just maybe one; someone who you can share thoughts and feelings with, this will make you feel better. But having said that, you don't have to - some people just find other people difficult to get on with, and that's perfectly normal. If things are getting too 'lonely' or tough, you could try 'social group clubs' and meet other people there. There's always a way.
