Boyfriend's Son

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Hey everyone, I am new to this site and am looking for other people's opinion. I am in a serious relationship with my boyfriend who is 33 and he has full custody of his 7 year old son who lives with him. I moved away from all my family and friends to live with them in their small community. I am 24 by the way. Well here is my problem, ever since I met my boyfriend's son I knew he was going to be a problem....and a big one. He has major behaviorial problems. I will start by listing them:He's incredibly saucy, he doesn't listen at all (doesn't understand what NO means) he curses at both adults and other kids, he gets into trouble at school and on the school bus, he's been caught stealing from the supermarket, he's stolen jewelry and personal belongings of mine, he's also been caught fighting, he always has to have the last word, he's whiney and sooky and it's annoying at times, he sleeps with dad when i'm not around, he wears a pull-up to bed because he's too lazy to get up and pee, when he's in bed he will call and wake up his father to pick up a toy that might have fell off his bed, he doesn't wipe his own bum, dad will spoon feed him while he plays video games, he's selfish and doesn't like to share his things with other kids, he's shown aggresion to me and his father. I know that children are NOT born this way and his past is affecting him as well as how much his father spoils him to death. His mother gave him up when he was 6 months old and that when my bf took over and he's been raising him ever since. The mother is still in his life, coming to visit when it's most convienent to her and can only handle him for short periods of time. His dad spoils him rotten, he has 2 of everything and the best of the best I might add. He gives into him every time and it drives me nuts, but he is the best father in the world and loves him to death. It causes big problems between my bf and I, I hate seeing a 7 year old control a 33 year old man. It makes me sick! I try to intervene but he doesn't listen at all. It's really tearing us up. As mean as it might be to say it but I wish he never had children and it makes me to never want any seeing how horrible this child acts. I really don't know what to do. The child has seen a phychiatrist and that did nothing, we tried every which way of discipline there is and still....nothing. Please help...any opinions and feedback would be appreciated...thanks!

I'm no expert on this stuff, but one option is to leave him. But I doubt that's something you want to do. From what I read the father isn't that great of a parent. A parent should be able to say no and stick to it and give boundaries and teach that there is consequences. The father needs to learn how to be a parent. Bottom line. If he learns how he's suppost to handle his son and that he doesn't have to treat him like a 1 year old anymore than the son will learn to shape up. Or hopefully will. Until the your bf understands what he needs to do and the problem is not helped by giving in or spoiling him so much, nothing is going to change.

ok i know exactly what your going through because my father married a woman with a daughter who is like that and she lived with her rich grandparents and her mom cause her father wasnt around before my father married her mom so the only thing that i could think for you to do is have a talk with your b/f and tell him that if you are going to be living there and being a part of that childs life then he needs to include you in on making some disiplinary actions for that child and the main way for the child to learn is for your b/f to STICK with the punishment and not give in because if he doesnt then it will only get worse, and you make some suggestions about what you think and tell him how you feel and what you think needs to be done for the bennifit for mainly his child and you all as a couple but keep reassuring him that you do want to be a part of both of thier lives. chances are its hard for him because he feels bad that the real mother keeps coming in and out of the childs life so he does whatever passafies him and it makes the child a BRAT! i really hope this helps at least a little bit. GOOD LUCK

I'm not leaving him, I want to help him. I love him more than life itself. He is an amazing father, not too many men I know would stand up and take full care of their child because the mother "has better things to do" and yet still work full time. He raised that little boy alone for 6 and a half years with no help or any experience. Giving him materialistic things was his way of making up the emptiness of not having a mother.

Thanks for the info guys and Tatum for understanding

Being involved with someone who has a child is always not without complications. Fairy tales told us that stepmothers don't get along well with their husband's (or in this case, boyfriend's) children, although there are so MANY out there that did just fine and became friends with their step children. Your boyfriend's son, however, has a problem even before you came in to his life, and correcting that problem will not be easy, and you can not assume the responsibility of doing that. You could, however, gain this child's trust over the time. I am not suggesting that you should be very nice to him and follow what he likes, but showing him that you dislike him because of his attitude will not help either. Anger will not help. If you are dealing with a child, you have to act like a child. Not necessarily tantrum like a child, but you have to understand him, and be patience. I am not a child psychologist or anything, but I've been with children of different attitude. As it sounds, your boyfriend's son wants attention. Getting everything from his dad is not enough... life was not easy for him, no matter how much toys he receive, he needed a mother figure, someone who will read him books, talk to him, hug him, tell him what's right from wrong. Children are children. They are yet in the stage where they're learning, and we the adults would be the one to tell them what they should absorb. Don't get angry, I'd repeat, anger will not help. Yelling will make him develop some grudge on you and you'd appear to be a wicked step mother in his eyes. Show him that you care and that you're sincere with wanting the best for him.

If you want this relationship to work, your BF is going to have to shape up and be a parent. I would say that he and his boy need some outside help. He is coddling this boy and giving in to him. Until this man takes a stand and puts an end to this nonsense, you are all doomed to a very unhappy life.

My sis used to mouth off to me alot, till I popped her in the mouth everytime she did it. Sure my parents yelled at me for it, but I told em that someone has to discipline her before she gets outta control.

He should be put in boot camp for a solid week or two. It worked like a fu**ing charm for my younger brother. Let alone getting demoralized, the thought of not having people waiting on hand and foot for him did the trick.

read and learn : In reply to: How come everyone today is too much of a pussy to smack their kids around? That's what I want to know: why are parents afraid to beat their kids? When I was a kid and I screwed up, my parents beat my ass. We didn't have a conversation about it. I didn't have a "time out." In fact, I've never even once been grounded in my life. What's the point? Send your kid to his room and make him play video games and read comic books all day? Great idea, why don't you take him to a psychiatrist while you're at it so she can pull some disorder out of her ass to hide the fact that you're a bad parent? Kids today need a good beating every now and then. If you don't beat your kids when they fall out of line, the next thing you know your son will go off and bang some dude in the ass just out of spite. You tell them to clean their room, they say "no," you smack them. It's simple; it works. Don't listen to these assholes on TV with their bullshit hippy psycho babble; if they had it their way, every child would be raised in a pastel colored room with Philip Glass pumped through the speakers 24 hours a day. Then again, it might not be all that bad because it will make your kids complacent, so it won't be as hard for them to swallow when they realize that they'll be spending the rest of their lives chained to a desk in a cubicle writing reports to make someone else rich. The problem is that kids today think their opinions matter. By not beating your kids, they get a skewed perspective of reality where they start thinking that they have it rough and that they can get away with dying their hair and listening to Insane Clown Posse. That's where you need to come in and put the law down. To help you, the negligent parent, I've put together a guide to smacking your kids for your convenience (hint: you may want to even print this guide up and hang it on your fridge as a reminder to both you and your kids). Here are some useful techniques: Five across the eyes. This is a very basic maneuver and usually enough to cover most situations when your child is out of line. Simply put four fingers tightly together and either leave the thumb off to the side or fold it behind the other four fingers. Then smack your kid across the face with the back of your hand. Now this is the tricky part: make sure to snap your wrist just before contact otherwise you won't get a stinging effect. Very important because you don't want to risk letting your kid think you're a pussy. The sucker punch. Just ask the question "hey, what's that on your shirt?" and when they look down, bust their lip. You need to do this every now and then to keep them guessing. Don't ever let them off the hook. Just because they're not doing anything wrong doesn't mean that they didn't do something wrong earlier that you weren't aware of. The yard stick. Or for those of you who don't use the arbitrary American system, this is also known as "the meter stick." This is a good general purpose beating because the stick usually doesn't last beyond three or four good whacks--usually enough to send the message. The one-two shut-the-hell-up. This is priceless when you're shopping and your kid won't shut the hell up: "I'm hungry, I want toys, I need my Insulin..." etc. First smack your kid (the 5 across the eyes technique works). Wait a few seconds for your kid to start crying, then smack your kid again to let him know that you mean business. This usually shuts them up because they see that the amount of crying is proportional to the amount of beatings. The 2 x 4 / PVC pipe. If you do your job as a parent, this should never have to be administered. This is for heavy duty jobs only (ie. any time your kid comes home and begins a sentence with "she might be pregnant..." or "I can _____ if I want to..." where the blank can be any of the following: smoke, have sex, experiment with drugs, watch Oprah, etc). Usually the threat of this beating is enough to keep your kid from screwing up. The Dragon Kick. If you're interested in a permanent solution to your child giving you lip about washing the dishes, cleaning his or her room or filing your tax return, then the Dragon kick might be the technique for you. I guarantee that you will only have to ask once after the Dragon kick has been administered. The skull thump. A quick blow usually dealt to the side or back of the head. Simply flick them in the head with your finger. An alternative is to smack your child up side the head with your palm. Very useful for teaching your child to read when he or she makes a mistake. Hitting your child when he or she is learning builds confidence, or undermines confidence--I can't remember which. The one-handed chauffeur reach around. A quick reach around while you're driving to smack your kid and his friends too if they disrespect. Swerve the car back and forth for the full effect. The cane intercept. If you're too old to chase your kid around the house, use the handle of your cane to trip him if he tries to get away. When he gets up, poke him in the head a few times to let him know who's boss. There you have it. Use these basic techniques to discipline your child if you want him or her to turn out to be a success story like me. Here's how to tell if you've fulfilled your obligations as a parent: Remember: never take shit from your kids. You make payments on the house, utilities, their clothes, school, and their food. You own them. If they don't like it, they can move out. If you love your kids, love them enough to beat them so that they don't grow up to be idiots. http://maddox.xmission.com maddox rulz. got great articles about many things including suicide, imigrants taking american`s jobs, ......

Yeah thanks Ghost for the stupid article.

The only kids I know of that are like this kid are in mental/behavioral school. And trust me, I know of a lot of them because I have to work at a school dedicated only to kids like that.Honestly, I don't think this man has very good parenting skills. He loves his son with all his heart, but even that only goes so far. A parent's job is to prepare their kid for the world and to teach them ethics and morals. Teachers do a lot of parenting work.Here's an example. You know those classic movies where the rich people have kids and the kids are just out of control. The rich parents hire a nanny and the nanny is oh so wonderful that the kids get straightened out almost one by one. Why did these kids straighten out? How did the nanny do it? The major answer is discipline. Sure, she had to earn the kids trust and have them see how they could relate to her first.... but when I look at your bf it seems he already has that. It may be wise to seek professional help for the boy at this point. I know this has already been tried and failed, but sometimes where you fail you must try again. The father may need to seek some professional help as well.... that is with handling his boy.

The problem here is not with the boy, but with the boyfriend. If you want changes made, they will have to come from him, and the longer he waits to start, the worse they will be and the harder to change.Does your boyfriend see this as a problem, but not know how to deal with it? Get him into counseling. If he refuses, that should be your exit cue.Don't get any further into this relationship until you see a major change. You will experience nothing but heartbreak otherwise.