Considering an affair

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In reply to:I know you're worried about your kids, but it's a lot easier on children when their parents get divorced because "the marriage isn't working out" than because Daddy had an affair and things got ugly. I totally agree.

I agree too, but it's very difficult on someone, not being able to get sex from anyone but the spouse, and not getting it from the spouse either. Counselling can't do magic if the problem is very different sex drives, which it often is.

The best I can suggest for skinnerguy is that he tries his best to help his wife get relaxed - stress is a great passion-killer for women. (Men, on the other hand, tend to use sex to relieve stress.)

After the birth of my last child, who is now 6, I totally went off sex for a number of reasons, stress, tiredness etc, but also I felt that all the bits of me that once turned me on, were wrapped in cotton wool and i didn't enjoy sex anymore......this lasted for a couple of years - I feel terrible now thinking how i would lay there and hope that he 'got it over with' - to be honest sex for me then was less important than doing the dishes - so i can understand where your wife is coming from. Me and my fiance have always been brutally honest with eachother about everything, and managed to work through this time, tho I still feel guilty for what i put him through - if he had had an affair, i KNOW that we wouldn't be getting married this year.....he actually says that since he had to put sex on the back burner so to speak that it made him appreciate me and our relationship in other ways.Now, well we have sex every day, sometimes twice, so just cos your wife feels like this now, doesn't mean its going to last. There must be a reason why your wife isn't into having sex - finding the reason will sort out the problem, or at least go some way to solving it.

FWIW, I do my best to make my wife comfortable. We split cooking, dishes, and cleaning, but I do all the laundry and make all the bottles; in addition to obvious things like paying the rent and taking care of her car. Even though I have to get up very early for school every day, I stay up late (sometimes very late) with my daughter who has reflux just so my wife can go to sleep at 9-9:30 every night. The no sex thing has gone on since way before we had kids - in fact the "procreational sex" was very planned and scheduled. If we just hoped she would get pregnant accidenctally by not using birth control it is highly unlikely we ever would have had any kids. Every rare once in the while she is in the mood, and then it is good - but is once or even twice a week really too much to ask for in a marriage? She refuses to take birth control since the sex is rare, during those rare times I am obligated to wear a condom to have sex with my own wife, but that is a whole other issue. A man my age should not have to deal with blueballs on a regular basis.

If there's no emotional connection, then you can't expect a physical one...have you actually sat down with a GOOD therapist and talked about the emotional relationship?

Woohoo, give it up for the BBWs *winkwink* Okay, that was a bad joke, I know, but I couldn't resist. Okay Skinnerguy, you said that you've gone to counciling, but have you sat down and had a one on one conversation with your wife about this? Have you sat her down and explained how you feel about your sexual relationship? I'm against having affairs, but if you're not getting your emotional and physical needs satisfied, seperate from your wife. DON"T CHEAT, because it can cause a really messy situation and believe me, you wont want to go there. But talk to your wife first, try every option before you give up on this marriage. Have you tried rekindling(ms?) that spark between you two that brought you together in the first place? Try a romantic getaway for two, or maybe even just get a babysitter and take your wife out for a night on the town. Just try everything you can before looking outside of your marriage. Good luck, I wish you the best ^_^

Cheating is not the answer! I am 99.9% positive that your kids would be hurt more if you cheat on their mom, than if you divorce her. My uncle cheated on my aunt, and my cousin refuses to see, talk to, or talk about her father. I'm sure not everyone will feel the same way, but do you want to take that chance? What if you're caught? What if your kids hold that against you for the rest of your life? Do you really want that?Have you asked her why she doesn't want sex? Try and understand her feelings and then explain your's. Tell her that she has her needs, and you have your's. If your needs aren't met, it won't be a very satisfying relationship.

do it, video tape it and send it to your wife, saying: 'this is what you are missing out on'and really, she don't need it at home? then she is definitely getting it somewhere else.

YA! and send me a copy too (for the archives)

"do it, video tape it and send it to your wife, saying: 'this is what you are missing out on'"LOL last you are sooooo smooth hon (please note the sarcasm in that sentence)

In reply to: LOL last you are sooooo smooth hon you want to take a ride on the Last train, don't you?

The "Last train" hahahahahahahahahahahahaha nice one

"you want to take a ride on the Last train, don't you?"Last - your right, I can't hide it anymore......damn and I thought I was doing sooo well too hugs

skinnerguy, write your wife a letter and let her know how you feel. tell her to write you back and see how it goes. after 38 years and 18 of those in a marriage or a long term relationship with a woman, i have found it works better to write it out. if she tells you she just doesn't want to have sex then tell her to explain why. sounds like it's time to spice things up a little. after a few years and a couple of kids a marriage can get into a rut and it's up to you guys to crank it back up if you want it to last. i've herd women say they try to keep their man happy at home because if he ain't gett'n it at home he will get it somewhere else and i'm sure your wife knows this. i think your a hell of a man for not looking else where already. if things don't work out try a long term separation but i wouldn't have an affair, it will come back to bite you on the ass and this is a dog speaking from experience. hell hath no furry like a woman scorned and it is very true.