In reply to: I'm confused. I thought we were addressing the original poster's issue. Yes, you are confused. The responses were to SilentRain. Which makes all your blathering about surfing the site with a gun rather irrelevant. In reply to: And having battled depression doesn't necessarily make one an expert in its treatment. You're right, it doesn't make one an expert in its treatment. But he didn't come here looking for a psychologist, did he? He came to what he should be able to assume is a safe place to get some feedback from the common folks...possibly folks who have dealt with what he's dealing with. It might be the interchanges on this site that lead him to seek professional help, if that's what he needs.As for sexual addiction, one of the greatest resources an addict can have is the advice and support of others who have been fighting the same battle. That's why 12 step groups are so successful. In short, who the hell do you think you are calling to question those of us who believe we just might be able - from our own experience - to give another man some help and encouragement around a very real and very difficult problem?And yes, I'm a little angry.
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Someone help me - please
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im with u angel....so much yelling i can take it!
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Silent - if you're still around...I'm gonna say something that no one else has mentioned that might be a little hard to hear, but I think it needs to be said. Have you considered the possibility that you might need to make some difficult choices around you employment situation? I know that wouldn't be easy, but if you are suffering from a sexual addiction fed by internet port, then your job is keeping you in the cycle. It's rather like an alcoholic managing a liquor store. I'm not saying what you need to do, just offering something else to think about. There is a great book you should look at titled Don't Call It Love by Robert Carnes. Carnes is probably the nation's leading expert on sexual addiction. It's a great book that was instrumental in my starting to get a handle on things.Also, the other thing I would offer is to really try to find at least one person in your real world life with whom you can share this stuff. I have a great friend, who is now my roommate, who shares this struggle with both of us. His encouragement and the accountability we share have been priceless. You might also consider looking for an SAA group in your area. They're not for everyone. I opted out after two meetings. But it is certainly a great program.Finally, as I've always said, I take this stuff seriously. Therefore, I really want to be in a position to help in anyway I can. Contact me if you want. I'm in your corner.
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What happened to stappleberry? I thought this was his thread.
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Maybe he was run off by someone cough cough suggesting that he was stupid to come here looking for advice.
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Thanks everyone. I don't really care for what others may have posted. I take the advice that suites me onboard and scrap the rest. That's not to say that I've received any non helpful advice. I can see SteveA's point - as for being suicidal or whatever I don't know what he's talking about - I assume he was referring to the O.P. My life's doing great, I just think that I toss off too much.
It's not about tossing off too much or too little, I suppose it's just the fact that I depend on it too much and I don't have much control. There are probably people that toss off more than myself, but they have control. That is the difference.
I don't see why once per day should be a problem, but should I aim to cut down, or aim to go cold turkey? I think that if I aim to cut down, it'll be easier to break into the full on addiction again, but if I go cold turkey there's a clear cut line that I should not cross, at least until I feel that I'm over it and have control.
Thanks to everyone for the help, and thank you damien - you've read me like a book. Hopefully I'll be able to help someone in a similar situation in future. I have thought about a different job, though it's probably the most difficult way out right now. I have quite a large mortage to pay and risking a career change could be devastating right now. I have a few other passions - becoming a pilot or doctor. I've done a couple of hours flying but have quite a while to go (and $$$ to go!) before I could ever earn $$ from it! Thanks for the help and suggestions - I'll take them onboard.
Thanks to A2A.
PS: Wine is good.
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In reply to:Maybe he was run off by someone cough cough suggesting that he was stupid to come here looking for advice."Stupid" isn't the word I had in mind, but I hope he found what he needed.____________In reply to:I assume he was referring to the O.P.In reply to:PS: Wine is good.2 x Amen. I hope all is going well.In reply to:She knows that I want to but I've never pressured her at all.Some people say go for it, some people don't. You theorize why she doesn't want to, but have you asked her to explain? Is it really because she thinks what you're doing already is as good as it gets?
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Cold Turkey!I think you can do it. Keep us posted.
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In reply to: I have gotten my advice from a bunch of internet posts and finding out what works for people. i also have looked at a few counselling books. Which one of these stellar sources told you it was a good idea to give someone who is hurting because of a porn addiction instructions for how to safely look at porn?Jeez, you kids kill me...