Please don't call me a freak.

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It really makes me nervous to talk about this. But i've poked around here for a bit and decided that maybe I can share my stuff and ask a couple of ?'s around it. And I know I'm setting myself up to get totally made fun of and ridiculed. I'm gonna try hard not to get upset if that happens cuz I knew it going in. But I'm hoping for some serious dialogue.Here it is. Plain and simple. I am 42 years old and still a virgin. Now, while you pick yourself up off the floor let me clarify a few things. I'm not a wait-in-line-for-2-weeks-for-the-next-star-wars-flick geek. I'm a reasonably attractive, socailly active guy with lots of friends. I'm successful and popular among my peers. I guess when I was in high school I didn't have sex cause, well good christian boys didn't do that. Then when opportunities came to get in the game, I was so ashamed of my body and felt it was disgusting when it probably waasn't no where near that. Then I spent years imprisoned by addiction to porn which kept me from real intimacy. When I saw someone hot it didn't make me want to have sex, it made me want to go home look at porn and masturbate. Now I've grown a lot and really want to have sex. But I feel like a school kid. Clueless. I'm not even sure I can kiss a girl without embarrassing myself. By the way have kissed and made out but it's been a looooooooong time.So what am I looking for? I dunno. Validation, support, advice. I would like to hear from girls maybe on how they would approach a guy like me.I promise you, I'm not a freak. I'm very normal. Normal looking and acting. Smart funny witty. People really like me. I'm just a virgin. So sue me.Good, positive feed back appreciated.Ridicule and humiliation...I don't need any more of that.Thanks for hearing me.

Just being a virgin doesn't make you a freak, no matter what age you are, just look at priests and nuns, they have never had sex (well, the catholic ones anyway)

Have you considered hiring an escort? Just to get some experience. Most would love to show you how. Might help build confidence.

yeahescort...not sure what else to say.

find a person that you are atracted to and ask her what she is doing for dinner on saturday(after conversation)...if she agrees to go with you, get talking and let her to get to know you real well...unless she asks, I wouldnt tell her that you are a virgin...that could make her think that you are just using her for sex...and if you are lucky, when you take her back to her house, she will bang you all night.

well, freak, here's my advice (ok, I'm kidding about the freak thing)I don't think you want your first time to be with a hooker. I would suggest personals or a dating service. You could actually find another adult virgin and you can explore together. Use a reputable agency or web site.Of course, if you would rather cough up a couple of bucks to get it over with, that's understandable.

Wow! I have to say I'm a little surprised (pleasantly so) at these answers. Thanks for taking me seriously and understanding.A prostitute is not an option cause it's illegal and I'm poor! Plus, I don't want to just get it over with. I want to enjoy it. I actually have a friend who is known for her unrestrained distribution of loveless copulation. I tried to reestablish contact with her, but after several emails, she just disappeared.Anyway, thanks for your responses. You're treating me not as a freak, but as someone who just hasn't done this one thing. Thanks for that.

I wouldn't worry about performance due to lack of experience. Easy to say I guess, but I just think you need to find a lady you'd like to have sex with, but also care about (i.e. a loving relationship). I don't think a one night stand is going to be good for you. Assuming things progress in the relationship to where you and her are ready for sex, just let things happen and 'wing it.' While you may be sloppy and not very good the first time, don't worry about - bad sex is better than no sex. If she asks or makes a comment about it, just tell her it's been a while, and you're a bit rusty - that's all. You can tell her you get nervous the first time with a new girlfriend until you get to know her better. Promise her you'll get better with more sex in the future, and you will! I wouldn't tell her you're a virgin. Only you know that, and she won't be able to tell, no matter how bad or nervous you are. Remember, you are the only person in the entire world who knows for certain you are a virgin! Nobody else knows for sure, or needs to know. So keep it as your little secret, and don't worry about it.

Do u have any close friends(girls) that know you well and u feel comfortable with? You could try to spend more time with them and im sure a caring friend would understand your situation and maybe help you out

First of all, being a virgin doesn't make you a freak. There is nothing wrong with being one, so why would it make you a freak? So what, you'r in your 40s, who cares, at least we know you're not banging anything that'll drop their panties for you (and I know some people who will do just that). I say wait till you find the right person, I mean you only have your virginity once, and once it's gone you can never get it back. So don't waste it on a escort, wait until you find that special woman and then when the time is right I say go for it ^_^

Thanks again for all the good words. Yeah, obviously, if I've gone this long without having sex, I'm probably not the type to go out and have meaningless sex with a prostitute. However, if someone came along tonight that I was halfway attracted to but wasn't in a relationship with and was clean and offered herself...yep, I'd miss the Oscars for that!The better part of me wants to wait until I'm married, but the other parts of me fair that might not be for a long time, if ever. If I could look into a crystal ball and know I'd be married in a year, I think I'd wait. I think there's something cool about that.

Hang on! Why would you call yourself a 'virgin' if you masturbate? Is'nt being a 'virgin' all about being pure and innocent? Do you call a guy/gal that experienced orgasm a 'virgin'?

Post script:I apologize if I did'nt sound friendly in my message above, I don't mean to ?? you. After reading a few more message here, I just notice a lot of posts from many 'virgins' who confessed masturbating, which is far from being a virgin. Going back to your original question, I agree that your lack of experience in doing 'it' with a girl does not make you a freak. With a lot of STD's spreading these days, you are safe. And, if you meet someone who will love and accept you inspite of many things that you are and you are not, that's then you'll realize how lucky you are. Maybe there are still many nice girls out there looking for someone who are as clean as you ciao

In reply to: being a 'virgin' all about being pure and innocent? ahem torture, murder, canabalism be damned, as long as you don't touch your winky!!

In reply to:Why would you call yourself a 'virgin' if you masturbate? Yikes!!! Are you serious??? Do you even know the definition of virgin??Let me help:vir·gin ( P ) Pronunciation Key (vûrjn)n. 1. A person who has not experienced sexual intercourse. 2. A chaste or unmarried woman; a maiden. 3. An unmarried woman who has taken religious vows of chastity.

a woman who is chaste has never been caught

Okay, since I've never had sex (of any kind) but I masturbate that means I'm not a virgin? Sorry, but masturbating doesn't mean you lose your virginity, actual sex does.

At first i wuz pissed when I read this. Now i'm chuckling. What planet did you come from? Do you honestly believe that you lose oyour virginity if you jack off? then no one over the age of 13 woudl be a virgin.It also sounds like your saying that if you masturbate you are no longer pure and innocent. Jeepers! That's what we use to stay pure and innocent.I think they should get you on the comedy channel . you're much funnier than half the people there.

Wowowow! I did'nt know my post will draw such argument. Although as it looks, I was the only one who has a 'different' opinion here.There, thank you for writing in the meaning of 'virgin', including the pronounciation. Yes, I've known that long time ago. Yours is probably a scientific opinion, doctors says a woman who was'nt penetrated by a man's sex organ is considered a virgin. In fact I recall a teacher long time ago telling that a woman who had sex with the same gender is still considered a virgin, because it wasn't a man's sexual organ that penetrated her. Does that make all gays that are into physical relationship with their partners virgin? If being a virgin is all about that, what happened to it's description as being 'pure and chaste both in thoughts and action?'A man who stimulated himself, who thought about sex and reached orgasm is certainly not innocent. A woman who inserted something in her sex organ and fantasized about sex is not a virgin, because they explored themselves, they have reached that sexual fulfillment, minus the participation of another person...but yes, they had sex- with themselves.There is nothing wrong with that, but not having a sexual partner while consciously reaching orgasm by self stimulation does'nt make one a virgin.

I came from the same planet where you are, but we are born in different decade, and in a far different culture.Do you really say you are pure and innocent if you masturbated and not have sex with other people other than yourself? Jeez, how could you say you are pure and innocent if you are collecting porns and masturbate? The only thing that was lacking as you perform sex (as you masturbate) is a sexual partner, but your hand alone has already divirginized you.I don't want to sound argumentative about this, and I doubt any of you will understand my point because you only think that a person lose his/her virginity when they had sex with a partner, but if you look at some deeper meaning of being a virgin, please be open minded. I did not come here to be ganged up against, I was just posting an opinion and now I got to be asked which planet I came from. Before thinking that I am ignorant, try to look at some logic.