I've been thinking about this forum recently and trying to figure out what the appeal is. A bunch of people getting together talking about sex. I know there are forums here not dealing with sex, my my thoughts have centered on those that do. What is the appeal? Why the interest in talking about sex so much? Are we perverts? Why come here and not to a more general, non-sexual forum.I think I have an answer - at least for me. We don't really get to talk about sex in our society...not really. And I don't mean this to be like some "gee aren't we repressed" statement. I feel like we don't take or make opportunities to do it. When I first met my roommate a few years ago we were somehow able to do this, talk freely about our sexuality...what's going on, what is in our past, what drives us. And it wasn't anything close to sordid locker room talk. IT was as real and honest as if we were talking about our relationships with our parents or something. And it was sooooo damned freeing to be able to be honest and vulnerable about those things with another guy. And I've noticed since that, if I start talking that way with someone, I can almost see their relief at having permission to talk openly about stuff. It's amazing. I think we just have a need to talk about all issue of sexuality beyond typical bragging/joking stuff. We want to talk about what has happened in our past, is it normal, what we want sexually, we want to be able to talk about the embarrasing stuff like how big our stuff is and how we feel about that, performance anxieties, being a virgin at an older age, wanting to see someone of the same sex naked, or even masturbate with them or give a blow job.I hope I'm not rambling here. I just think I'm becoming more and more aware of the need to be able to talk about this stuff openly and without fear of condemnation or alienation.Guess I picked the right career... Anybody else want to share what brings them here, or more around talking openly about sex?
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Talking about sex
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I grew up in a home where you really didn't talk openly about sex (or even in mixed company i.e. people of the male gender). You didn't ask questions because you didn't need to know about something you're not supposed to be doing. By comming here I can ask my questions and get answers without being judged for it. Here I feel like I can be open and express my of feelings about sex. It's very liberating. Being able to step up and finally say that it's okay to talk about sex, it's okay to ask questions, it's okay to be better informed about sex, is such a relief.
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Yeah, I grew up in that kinda home too, but I still talked about sex anyway. :grin:
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I grew up in a house that was sorta that way...my mom was so severly abused as a child that she didn't do the birds and the bees talks with us she just couldnt talk about that stuff...My dad got stuck with that. He TRIED so hard, but what girl is gonna ask dad if her who who is normal? I try to use his courage though, and talk to my girls...as openly as they will talk to me.
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I agree, I grew up on a small farm & my sex ed was "see those cows? That's how babies are made." I still can't get a cow to go out with me. I think that's why so many guys are freaked about penis size. We're not supposed to talk about it, touch it or look at someone elses. Also parents calling it a ' pee pee or winkie' when we're little can really confuse a guy for a long time. My dork has a curve in it and I passed up on some dates in h.s. because I was afraid the girl would laugh if she saw it. (also had a complex from seeing all the horse schlongs on the farm)This is a great place to come find out - We're All OK, I just wish there was the internet 20 years ago!!
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I did too ^_^ But I have some people in my family look down on me because I know more about it than they do and I'm a virgin. Just because I don't talk about it at home doesn't mean I don't question my friends who are sexually active or my sister.
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well, sex is one of my favorite topics because it's one of my favorite things.
Funny thing though, I'm one of the guilty one who gets so far off topic in some of these threads...
It's snowing again, that sucks, I have a dentist appointment in the morning, did you hear the one about.......... -
In reply to: I think that's why so many guys are freaked about penis size. We're not supposed to talk about it, touch it or look at someone elses. Yeah, that's another thing. What would it be like if it was totally acceptable to look at another guy's dick, admire it, ask questions about it, whatever...the same way we might his biceps or hair? How would we all be different if it were like that. I think we would all be much less hung up on our own dicks and insecurities around size and such.Just a thought...
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In reply to: much less hung heh heh
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hey, I like what you're doing with your dick these days. The hair trimming really makes it look bigger. Did you have that little mole removed? I didn't think it was so bad myself.
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Thanks, I'm glad you like it. When I saw yours I thought to mysef "Y'know, he really does have a great looking dick. NOt much in the size department, but he does so much with it." So I thought maybe I should try to do more with mine.
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My parents tried their best to be open about sex, but failed - I on the other hand have always been open and honest - and me and the kids are already talking about stuff like that to varying degrees.
I have lots of close friends who feel able to talk about stuff like this, but wouldn't to anyone else. I think the reason I'm on here, is apart from liking everyone on here, I think I like this as a place which enables people to talk freely and opening, in a relaxed kinda way.....and the mother in me has found other people to mother and worry about :smile: -
In reply to: I think we would all be much less hung up on our own dicks and insecurities around size and such. I don't know if guys would be more or less "hung up" over size. Look at what girls are doing to their boobs, because they CAN compare size. But it definatly would be a little easier to discuss. But there again, that is why we come to ATA, so we CAN discuss stuff.
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I never got told one thing other than "don't get anyone pregnant" and basically sex is bad...all that crap. I found out things all on my own...masturbation, same sex experimentation, being molested by an older family friend...all of that was dealt with on my own and just by figuring things out. Of course there was the typical locker room, BS talk among friends and peers that really meant nothing. It wasn't until I was an adult and decided that there were some things I simply needed to talk about with another guy. I had several very trusted friends and we began to confide and discuss things in sorta an open way that helped me figure some things out and begin to feel more normal. However, the timing of this post could'nt be more appropriate.I just returned from a conference with a very good friend and professional colleague. We've been workout buds for a while and have spent alot of time together over the past few years. I have always been open and honest about stuff, particularly things that bothered me...and he the same. We've talked about sex and masturbation and all of that. However, this weekend was so incredibly powerful for us as we entered a whole new realm of truly open, honest communication about past sexual experiences, concerns over size, feeling uncomfortable in locker rooms (he's a former high school athelte, jock, typical stud..all of that) I was the one that figured all of my insecurities were simply only mine and that no one else ever felt that like I did. To my surprise this well built, all together guy had the same issues. We spent several hours honestly discussing our current sex lives with our spouses, our needs and our problems and concerns. I will tell you that I have never been so able to share openly and freely without fear of being judged. It was truly a "bonding" experience that has taken our friendship to another level all together. I can truly say that after the past weekend, there is nothing I couldn't discuss with him, and he with me. It was refreshing and so very helpful to know that all of those questions and concerns (even some demons!) weren't all mine! For those of you who haven't yet discovered the ability to be truly honest with another guy, do yourself a favor and find someone you trust to discuss openly your concerns, your behaviors and anything about it. You'll be glad you did!Oh and by the way, that's why I love this site! I never had the opportunity to get answers to questions I had..so I keep coming back to help others here. But again, until you can look someone in the eye and openly discuss things, you're really missing out on an experience you won't regret. Once you get over the BS and into what really matters without fear of being judged or ridiculed for things you've wondered (or done) you won't understand what I'm talking about.
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Great post Lance.
I agree, that's rare and PRICELESS. -
Oh and by the way....we did discuss how "different" it was for us to have this level of conversation and how rare it is among all of us. We "owned" the priceless nature of our conversation and how deep our friendship changed as a result of being so open and honest. I am truly blessed to have a friend who understands those deep and dark "secrets" we so often carry around. I hope others of you take the risk to do the same, if you find the right friend, I bet you'll be glad you took the risk!
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I have a friend who is close to that. Trouble is he is a guy. He has no idea what periods feel like, or other "girl" stuff. But we talk openly about alot, it is very helpful in figuring out "whats up with my guy" and for him about his girlfriends. Its a blessing, but being different sexes, there is still somthing missing.
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I don't know about where you live, but my friends (both male and female) enjoy talking about sex and our experiences. I think that no we are not exactly perverts but we are sexual beings. We are the only species that creates intimate incounters for the pleasure of it. Humans love sex, thats about it. Chew on that for a while cause with out sex, we'd be masturbating a lot just to releave tensions.
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In reply to:
cause with out sex, we'd be masturbating a lot just to releave tensions.
Most all of us do that anyway. :smirk:
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Well,
my family situation was always one where we could talk about sex or drugs or whatever (I'm talking pretty hardcore stuff here). But the reason I came here is there are limits to what you can find out from one person and the second is with anonymity people are more likely to answer things honestly. And even within open relationships there are limits about what you can talk about. Even here to be quite honest.
Another part of it is there are always interesting posts which give me a little more insight into the human mind and the kinds of people there are out there.
