I have a question here that applies to both sexes so I want you all to give the answer you feel is best. Just respond with your gut instinct and try not to edit it or anything once you've completed your response.In society it's common for groups of close friends to have members from both sexes. Platonicy isn't just acceptable but encourgaed, it's just one of those great things. However, sometimes in these relationships one individual will develop a close attachment to another individual and eventually this may lead to the desire for a relationship beyond platonicy. Why is it that men are more often then not the ones who initially begin to develop these emotions?Men do not enter into platonic relationships with a hidden agenda filled with aspirations of serious relationships. There are some of us who are less....honorable then others whose only intention is to get into a chicks pants. They give us real men a bad image but thats a different subject altogether.The rest you do not have to read if you no longer wish to continue, the main question is in the second paragraph, there are more questions below which I pose in a quest for answers to my own personal issues. The reason I ask is because this happened to me. And after it kinda fell apart I've been questioning what happened to me. How did she transform from a mere friend to some pure form of elegance, slowly corrupting my mind until my infatuated nature got the best of me? How does this crazy and spontaneous person I've known for months suddenly turn into this "Girl Next-door?"A logical answer is that the emotions just developed over time as we interacted with one another. That I saw desirable characteristics in her that I hadn't initially picked up on. But I don't believe this is the case because I have known her for quite some time. From the get-go I had always felt closer to her then the other women in the group but there was no desire for a relationship, she was just "best-friend" material. But I guess after I had become best friends with everyone in the group in which we all met, and still hang out with, things sorta got a little wierd.Long story short we had "the talk" and decided to stay friends. She said she doesn't know why she doesn't like me because she said I'm one of her best friends, a great guy, and really cute. After my cheeks stopped turning red I had realized she didn't know why she didn't like me, which means there is something I did subliminally to make her feel I was less suitable as a boyfriend. Another theory I have is that she really doesn't like me that way at all and does have a reason, but she knows that reason would cause me some degree of hurt\pain\embarrasment. Can any of the fine and intelligent women here on the boards shed some light on this? Any idea which of the two possibilities is more likely to be true?Oh and yes we're still more or less pretty good friends. The whole situation set everything back a little bit but I think it was more my being paranoid then anything. I'm still taking her to grad, we had agreed to go as friends before hand so yea. I guess I'm just glad to still be her friend but the reasons she initially had, which I don't want to ask, for not liking me still sits at the back of my mind. So yea....one long ass post for like two or three questions eh? Thx for taking the time to read everything, assuming you didn't just skim to the end and read the last paragraph or something. Have a good one!Cheers,Hyperion
2 or 3 Questions from Hyperion
All very good questions... questions I've asked myself considering I was in just about the same situation. Although, you did have more of a happy ending than I did.In reply to: Why is it that men are more often then not the ones who initially begin to develop these emotions? I think it's because women get attached more as a friend and like to stay that way. By staying with the present state the risks are minimal. Risks include losing a close friendship, extremely bad in almost everyone's book. Don't get me wrong, there are those females that will try to initiate a relationship and become romantically interested, but it's more often that the male does this.In reply to: How did she transform from a mere friend to some pure form of elegance, slowly corrupting my mind until my infatuated nature got the best of me? How does this crazy and spontaneous person I've known for months suddenly turn into this "Girl Next-door?" My theory is more men are shallow than women, and the more a male becomes interested in his female friend's good attributes, the more attractive she becomes.In reply to: Another theory I have is that she really doesn't like me that way at all and does have a reason, but she knows that reason would cause me some degree of hurt\pain\embarrasment I wonder about this a lot myself. No matter how hard I push for an answer I never did get a reasonable one.
I think that most men always have a hidden agenda regarding the opposite sex. All my female friends are attractive mentally and physically and women who arent primerily good looking i wont bother trying to get to know. As a man a womans looks are what initially make me interested in her. Is your friend attractive both physically and mentally? If so thats probably why you like her, thats probably the reason you wanted to be her friend in the first place and the reason you now are interested in her.Men are lucky and unlucky in these cases. Regardless of what women actually think/say etc looks aren't a great issue. My sisters are considered to be attractive and very much have whoever they want but the've still been with 'mingin' men. Why? Women tend to be attracted to a blokes personality more. If hes good looking, bonus, but if he's witty, and 'cocky and funny', who can challange her and get her thinking the right things a woman will buckle...Unless she's like super shallow.If you push a womans buttons the right way she'll almost always buckle. Notice how its usually women who stray from their men, because someone with the rite attitude has said the right things and done the right things. Basically buddy you haven't really shown her the right stuff. If you can challange her and get a connection with her she'll go out with you. But you don't go out with people, you 'see people'. Going out is too formal and isn't as comfortable situation.Just remember that women don't think like we do. Its natural to assume that women are looking for the same things as we are but being aware of the fact they aren't can get you going the right way.I know this hasn't just answered your question, im just prone to ranting