Past experiences--->self-image

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In response to another thread:How has the events of your past, good or bad, affected your self-image, specifically relating to your sexual self-image?There are two aspects around my sexual self-image I wish were different. First of all I wish my penis size (little over 5 inches erect) didn't make me feel so inadequate. This makes me feel really inadequate with girls, like they will judge me by the size of my dick. I've been with lots of girls and this hasn't happened, but I still can't shake it.The second thing is that I freak at the though of being seen naked by another guy. I've had a couple of experiences witih my roommate that have made me a little more comfortable around him, but for the most part I will go to any and all extremes to not be seen naked by other men.There are a couple of things in my past I believe led to this. First of all I was bullied quite a bit as a kid. A lot of the teasing was sexual in nature. "Queer", "homo", that sort of thing. I was pretty major and has totally impacted how I deal with others as an adult.I also had a couple of experiences where male friends tried to have sex with me. I fled the situations, but they have really impacted me. I think because of this I feel really vulnerable if I'm naked (or sometimes even in my underwear) and men are around. I know this is irrational, but that is just where I am.Anyone else?

That's pretty tough. I don't have any self image problems anymore. I was bullied as a child. I was quiet, slight and had a stong english accent. At some point, in my teens, I realised that I had become a strapping young lad and didn't need to take anyone's shit anymore. Now, as an adult, I'm occasionally accused of being a bully but I think it's just confidence.There isn't a magic pill to help self esteem. I think you just have to focus on the good. Also, if you act confident, you will be perceived as confident and you will become confident

That's kind of weird, Adam. I have had very similar experiences which have also effected my self-identity.I was also bullied. It was not physical, but it was still pretty severe. I rememeber being called a girl on a daily basis and for some reason have this memory of being called Kathy Kotex. Strange. As a result of years of this, my self-image has been crappy. As for girls, it left me feeling that I was too disgusting or them to want to be with me. My head knows better, but... And as for guys, I just have a hard time trusting men. When I develop a friendship even, I have a hard time trusting it.The other thing is that I was...well...let's just say I was violated by another guy when I was 18. Even though I wasn't responsible, it sent me into a whirlwind of emotional crap that I've just started to come to terms with in the last several months. Of course this incident contributed to my feeling disgusting and unworthy and made me question myself in ways I shouldn't have. There were also a couple of times when men made obvious attempts to have sex with me. I would get angry at them and then angry at myself because, instead of being firm and saying NO, I would try to be nice and get out the situation without making them upset or uncomfortable. I would certainly do that differently today. So...all this has contributed to my negative self-image, my continuing to question myself, and also has made it almost impossible to be comfortable around and not have fear around gay men.So...anyway...yeah...I guess all that crap in the past has definitely effected my current self-image.

I'm glad you've posted this, Adam. I was bullied when I was at school, and I'm sure that affected my self-confidence too. Your feeling about nudity is common among people who have been sexually abused - I know you haven't described that, but there are some similarities.

Hey bud, told you I'd join in the conversation and I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to start the thread.I was buillied all through school. Always overweight, not athletic at all and not really part of the "in crowd" PE was a nightmare in HS because we had to shower....I hated my body and the fact that I was uncut and small when flaccid gave me incredible anxiety about being in the locker room and showers naked. I was bullied and teased constantly. At about 16 an older family friend attempted to molest me. I was so scared and freaked out that my penis didn't respond to his physcial groping and he said "why is it so little" and walked away...leaving me ashamed and embarassed. What did I do to deserve that was all I could think. I did have some same sex experimentation with a couple of friends in HS and that also fueled this whole homosexual thought process and I too have been called that and referred to as being homo or gay.Happy to report that I moved beyond alll of that. I'm happily married, my penis size has never been a problem and as of about 2 years ago I can go to the gym, get naked with anyone there, workout, shower and walk around like I own the world..small flaccid penis and all! And I'm quite proud of myself.You can do this too. No one cares about the size of your penis. I'd suggest this. You've already done some things with your roommate. Begin to let yourself feel ok about being naked in his presence...leave the shower naked, walk around in your boxers, etc....only what you feel comfortable with. In time, you'll notice it getting easier and easier. And remember, girls do'nt fall for a guys penis...they fall for the owner and most of them could care less about the size of it or how it looks! Be proud of yourself and accept who you are, nothing else matters! That's how I did it!

i wasn't really bullied in school. but i was raped by my mothers ex boyfriend when i was 12.that and my father beating me and telling me i was fat ,ugly and stupid for most of my life.so i ran to what i thought was a better life. at the age of 14 met someone moved in when i was 16 married and started having kids at 19 and well now i am looking at starting all over again .i hate how i look . and i don't mean i have to be drop dead gorgous.i hate my whole body .so its hard being around another guy now thinking he will think the same.

I was teased but not exactly bullied at school. Before high school it was strictly because I was skinny. Being called needle, chopstick, etc. was no fun, until my mother told me to learn to laugh at myself. The insults helped me practice good one liners and improved my wit.In high school I was teased for being gay. Even then though, being good friends with all the pretty, popular girls helped a lot. I fooled around with a lot of guys in high school though. I guess I was secretly the one to go to for a hand/blow job. I very rarely said no in fear of being hated by someone.My 'yes' habit went on until I moved to New York City when I was about 20. I guess moving here made me realize my options. Plus, no one knew me so I didn't feel that pressured to just bend to their every whim.I think I've definitely grown into myself over the years. I'm much more confident in most aspects of self-image. It hasn't made me lazy or cocky though. I've definitely grown into my body. I used to hate being rail thin, but I've toned up a bit and like the way I am.

I'm so sorry, takara. That sort of upbringing leaves deep painful scars, I know. And part of its legacy is thinking it must have been true, when it wasn't.

thanks!

I wasnt bullied much but the school i go to is pretty bad. There is fights all the time, weapon issues and such. Im a pretty big guy so thats probably why nobody says shit to me. the truth is i hate fighting but this year im sure ill get into a few. i have lots of pent up anger to unleash all over someone.