i am not suicidal. i am abotu to be 16, and i have been fat since i was 10, which was the fifth grade. my father left me and my mom when i was 3, and its been like that ever since. he cant do anything, and he doesnt want to. he lives in vegas, me and my mom live in hawaii. my mother has worked hours on end, to send me to a private school, until the fourth grade. everything was fine then, to an extent, i was skinny, i played sports, and my mother always had time to come to most of my games. wow i just realize what a great mother i have. when i entered a public school in 5th grade, my mother had to work all day, usually from 10am to 10pm. i would walk home everyday, and since i only live with my mom, the only way she could feed me was through fast food. in 4th grade i was about 75 lbs... middle of 5th i was about 90 lbs... 6th grade i was about 115, 7th grade i was 140, 8th grade i was 170! When i hit freshman, i realized that i was in deep shit. i am now a sophomore, and really really want to stop being fat. my friend who was once the same size as me, both signed up for the gym, and started going. i was about 7lbs heavier then him since we started, and i still have my pre-fat physical fitness. if we both run on an eliptical, with about a break every 10 min, i can run for about an hour, which is approx. 1000 calories. he will be bogging out by 30 mins. i dont get it. after 4 months of on and off exercising, he went from 195lbs to 170 lbs. me? i started at about 200, and the most i dropped to was 185. now im 193. i dont get it. 4 months and im nearly back where i started. my friend, who is josh, lives with two parents, and atleast always has one parent supporting him, buying him healthy food, COOKING healthy food... motivating him, etc...
my mother? she still works from 10am - 11pm. i have talked to her many times, and i said to please support me, and many times the reply is "youre on your own... i just don't have the time..." i fucking hate this world. why is my dad so fucking ignorant that he had to leave me when i was 3? fuck... for 5 years my nickname has only been "fat shit", "fat fuck", "the fat kid in my class". does anyone fucking realize how embarassing it is when your the fattest person in your class? how about being the fattest in your pe class? i was once, but luckily i could run pretty fast, in 8th grade i could still run the 50 yd dash in 7.0 seconds... not sure about now. hawaii sucks to live on. nothing to do. the beaches have nothing but stupid hawaiians that just wait there, waiting to kick someones ass. i have nothing to do. all i do is sit my fucking fat ass on the computer until i sleep. i hate my life. i just want to be reincarnated and try again. ive tried many time to lose weight, and i think its finnaly time for me to call it quits. its over, ill never lose weight, i think it was just my destiny to be the "fat kid". no one supports me, im all alone, and now all of my friends who use to be fat in middle school, are all skinny and have girlfriends. not me. i no longer have the urge to live my life...
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No longer have the urge to live my life... figures
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look man u wanna know somethin....it aint always so great to be skinny. I'm 6'2" and 165 lbs. i played baseball for 9 years, karate for 9 years, soccer for 4 years. so ive kept fit well at least now. When i was younger i used to get made fun of cuz i was chubbier and had no self-esteem. now i grew balls n i stick up for myself...o yay thats great. but guess what.....the problems didnt end. I know alot of people but i mean cmon, why am i sittin at home ona friday night? u know why is cuz people suck. no one is reliable and can return phone calls.... god forbid i find a decent fucking girl who treats me right.u know why i can tfind one? cuz im nice, and nice guys finish last. apparently u have to be an asshole to get what u want. and that pisses me off. so see im skinny, and ive been told by people im hot, gorgeous, cute whatever they wanna call it but life aint so great. Man u have to be happy with who u r, not who people want u to be. If YOU want to lost wait for YOURSELF then do it. as far as ur friend losin more weight, well i got news for u everyone is differnt, what may take someone 1 month to lose 20 lbs may take another person a year. Dont get discouraged when ur doin that, be patient and it will all work out eventually i promise. As far as ur mom, u know why shes doin all that for u? because she wants u to live a better life then she has. Do u want to let her down? make her feel like everything she has done for u was a waste? i know i wouldnt. She loves u so much that the human mind cant even fathom it. its an uncontrollable love that only a mother can have and she is doing everything she can possibly do for u and i would be greatful for that and use it to prove to her she was succesful in life. Dont let her down and most importantly dont let urself down. You say no one is there to support u? well guess what im here and i care. i want to see u be the best that u can. i want to see u succeed. i dont know how much that means to u but what im sayin is im here for u and so is everyone else. ur always welcome here to let out ur feelings and let us know how ur doin.....i want to hear back from u many times with progress, jus tbe patient my friend because life is what u make of it, u wont succeed naturally. and those that say you do r full of shit. wow i said alot of stuff, see hwo its so easy to talk when somethin has been botherin u....u know the truth. So please come back n let me know k? dont give up!
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ok i just had a weird dream. here i was, in my present body, which is really fat, and im walking down a street. then a guy comes up to me, with his face blacked out, and he says to me "you know what you need to do". then his face unblackens, and its ME in a skinny form. then he walks straight through me and disappears. weird dream. i have decided to get out of this depresson state, and do something about it, instead of whine. yes im a fat peice of shit, but i hope to change that soon. ill let you guys know how things are coming.
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See there you go, im proud of you because at least your willing to admit that you need to change your mood. Now just stick with it!
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Ive been fat all my life yes there are times where your angry with how you look. I am 14 5'10'' and i weigh 290
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This thread had also been dead awhile.