Starting and Holding a Conversation

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I wasn't born with the "Gift of Gab," and I'm not good at starting a conversation or talking in general. I get nervous but I can overpower that, so that's not the big problem. The biggest problem is that I don't know what to say. I can say, "Hey, how's it going?" and that's it, I can't think of anything else to say. What should I say after that and what could I also say and ask that would keep the conversation going?

Well, if there is an awkward silence, just ask "So... that local sports team, eh?" Don't replace local sports team with an actual team, leave it as it is. Its funny (sorta) and gives off a good impression and possibley a "wha?" response where you can continue talking about how you just heard it once while blah blah blah... conversation started.

You can ask them about their day, what they have been up to. Take things u know about that person and ask about it. Or if u dont know that person just ask questions about where ur at or uhhh iono jus tuse ur environment and other people to ur advantage

You are obviously articulate, so you have the basic tools to hold a casual conversation. You should make it a point to listen to people chit-chatting, especially if they are getting to know each other. It can be surprisingly lame, but it serves a social purpose. Once you get to know someone a bit, it's easier to have a deeper conversation.One key item is to find something you have in common with the other person. That's hard to figure out in a setting like a bar, but if you participate in common activities with another person, like a sport, a club, a job, going to school, etc., you have a place to start.It's important to practice. The more you do it, the more comfortable the process becomes, the more confidence you will accrue, and the easier it will become.One of the main stumbling blocks is lack of confidence, fear of judgement etc. Keep doing it, and it will get easier.And one important trick to being a good conversationalist is to be a good listener.

The thing with convosation is its something you need to do to build rapport to get closer people but it really is soo boring.

Lets be honest when someone talks about theirselves do you really care? No. Most peoples favourite topic is themselves.

Especially with women, just ask them about themselves and the'll never shut up but will apreciate that you were a good listener :smile: Ahem. Sorry girls, im sure your also really interested in how your boyfriends mundane day of work has been. :smile: j/k you know what i mean :P

Best thing to do is find something you have in common or just have fun, i personally rarely have serious convosations, especially at work, i spend the whole day cracking up my mate opposite me at work, im not a great convosationalist but i am fun to be around!

Y'see i started talking about myself and it was great!

So you don't date much, right?

You need to find one or more things you both have in common to hold your ground on, once you start you shouuld be able to spread onto wider things. Although I can be pretty wierd and have been know to go onto talking about very very strange things

maybe you should come up with some preset topics?

I am exactly like you. I never know what to say. Some people call me shy but im not at all, i can just never know what to talk about. :frowning:

I have a disability. I need to listen and process in two separate steps. So rarely will I sound spontaneous.But my worst problem in being social: fear of making a fool of myself. I need to love myself enough to stand tall in the face of embarrassment. I've found that people respect me when I do, even though I struggle through the moment.

I totally agree, if you love yourself, people see an inner confidence, that is very attract i might add, and that draws people too you.I truly don't give a damn what people think of me, and i am teaching my kids not to either, I was so proud when I gave my son a mohiccan and someone said "They will laugh at you at school" his reply was " like I care!"Hopefully when he grows up, he will be able to carry on being so confident, and not get into stuff just cos he darn't say no to his peers.

How much does a polar bear weigh? (Wait for her to say "I don't know.") Enough to break the ice! Hi, what's your name?

I'm having the same kind of problem... not knowing what to talk about. I have my first girfriend now... been about a month now, all's going well as far as I can tell. But she lives about 20-30 mins car drive away from me so we mostly talk by cell phone most days. It's hard to come up with stuff to talk about especially when you don't do anything in common with that person each day but I/we usually just ask how our days went and go into detail etc. that takes up a good amount of time :PA good thing to talk about when you start to get to know a person better is to talk about someone that you both know... that worked pretty well for me... we talked about this girl we both knew and made a few jokes about it and laughed and everything and we just got started talking like that...

:smile:
If the goal is to just pass the time, fine. If the goal is to develop a relationship, find ways to praise, find ways to talk about what's important to each of you, and work toward sharing feelings.
:smile:

This may seem a bit evil, but talking about other people might help... or just desserts and sweets, such as cheesecake and all that stuff