Bipolar... What should I do?

---

I'm pretty sure I have Bipolar Disorder. I have extreme mood swings, usually about one or two a day. It has been like that for over a year. Sometimes I'm extremely happy and excited for no reason and feel like i'm on top of the world (usually when I'm with my friends at school), other times I feel normal, and the majority of the time I feel so depressed that I think about suicide and cry myself to sleep. No one knows about this. Whenever I am depressed, I hide all my feelings. I only let myself cry when there is no one around. I listen to songs about how crap life is, because they are so true. I could go on and on about the things that I do and how i feel, and things that might have caused this, but it will take way to long to read this post.

I know I have a problem, but what can I do about it? I rarely tell my parents about things like this, it's just too embarrassing. They are extremely hard to talk to. We live across the road from our gp but he doesn't work there anymore... Some Asian chick does. I know this sounds racist but I don't want to talk to someone 'like that'. And I'm only 14 so it's not like I can go to the doctor without my parents anyway. What can I do?

And also, if I go to to the doctor what will they do? Will they send me to hospital and do tests? What tests will they do? Will I have to stay in hospital for a long time?

Sorry for wasting your time.

Hey hon, welcome to the boards.First, you are not wasting our time, it helps to talk about things, and there are a lot of people on here who talk sense (a lot that don't mind you smile)I personally don't think you are Bi-polar, I think you are a teenager, and tho your feelings might seem pretty intense, i think many teenagers go through the same things you are feeling, and i wouldnt' go so far as thinking you have a serious condition like Bi-polar just yet hon. It doesn't sound like you have anyone to talk to - and you say you hide your feelings when you feel bad, so how would anyone know to help?I get that you don't talk to you parents etc, do you not have any close friends you could talk to, I would think you would be suprised to feel that a lot of people your age feel the same way!I think you do need to talk to someone about how you are feeling, whether it is your parents, a friend, or a doctor, just to put your mind at rest.I'm sure the younger members of the forum will be able to relate to your situation better than me, cos its a while since i was a teenager - but if you need to chat hon, please feel free to PM me hugs

It's not just because I'm a teenager. I hit puberty early (when I was 9), so i'm, i don't know... 'adjusted' to the ups and downs of adolescence. But things have gotten so much worse than usual, and have stayed like that for over a year (probably more like over 2 years). I read about Bipolar on the net, and I have pretty much all of the symptoms. I take online quizzes and they always say that there is a large chance that I have depression. I know it must seem stupid that a 14 year old thinks she has bipolar, but there is no way the majority of teenagers feel like I do just because they are going through puberty. When I feel depressed, I am at the lowest possible low ever, and when I am happy, I am out of control. There have been a lot of incedents in the last 2 years that have probably started all this.... I was sexually assalted by one of my best fried at age 12 (i told a teacher but he got away with it and has been tormenting me ever since, saying that I lied), my beloved 16 year old cat died, and everything bad seemed to happen to me. When I was 13 I was anorexic, but my parents never took me to a doctor. Then my 'friend' who assalted me the previous year exposed himself to me, and I'm scared that he'll rape me, since he got away with abusing me. I have nightmares about that, too, and my parents don't know what happened. Then there are all these little things that make things even worse... My brother tormenting me everyday, making me feel like a worthless piece of crap, my parents arguing... I did get a horse after 5 years of pleading, but I've lost interest, something I thought could never happen, because I love horses. I need help and I don't know who to turn to.

ok, so now i know a little more, I think your right you are depressed. After all you have been through you seriously need someone to talk to about it, professionally. Do you really think you can't tell your parents about all this? As a parent myself i would be so worried to see my daughter behaving like you, having nightmares n stuff and no knowing why - tho i do understand if you can't talk to you parents its a shame but there seems to be more and more children who can't.As for the cat dying etc, bad things do happen - but to everyone, not just you, its the way you are feeling about life at the moment making everything worse.I was depressed for a long time, and medication helped me a lot, I was able to step back, look at the stuff in my life that was causing the depression, and sort things - no matter how hard it was to do it - cos medication may make you feel better, but it does not address the problems that made you depressed in the first place - but it does help - but some people don't agree with it - personally i don't feel i could be where i am today, without it, but thats just me.Just for the record, you are still a teenager, with a riot of hormones wizzing around your body, whether you started puberty at 9 or not As for the prick who assulted you, why didn't you go to the police - you still could - by the way. He shouldn't be allowed to get away with it, and now he has, hes bullying and intimidating you. I know its easy for me to say, but you have to deal with it, that situation is a big part of why you are feeling like you are!You sound like you need to talk to someone, and soon, if you could talk to the GP across the road, would you feel comfortable enough to do it? maybe he would sit with you for a while and listen, maybe give some advice, its worth a shot what have you got to lose?

No, I can't tell my parents. As I said before, they are extremely hard to talk to and it would just make things incredibly tense between us, which is why I can't tell them that I was assulted. I don't have a good relationship with my parents, or my brother or sister, which is a shame, and telling them about everything would just make it worse.I couldn't go to the police about the sexual assult either... My parents would find out, wouldn't they? I don't want to go through it again, telling strangers about personal things... I am extremely shy. I just want to forget about it, but I can't.And as for my GP, he isn't allowed to work anymore, after he exposed himself to a patient and had a sexual relationship with another patient. It's a shame... He was a really good doctor and I trusted him. That just prooves that you can't trust anybody. There is a new doctor there now, an Asian lady, and no, I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to her at all. I wouldn't want to be put on drugs. I hate being "drugged up". I already take pills for Insomnia, and, err, something else blushes. And I don't like the idea of a counsellor either... Another stranger, and someone who I wouldn't be able to trust. I hate talking about my problems to people, even my friends. I get really embarrassed.I have no idea what I should do. I know I have a problem, I know what I feel and what I think and how I behave is not normal, but I just don't know what to do about it. Everyday it gets worse. I am all alone. How can I ever get help when I can't trust anybody, and have no one to turn to? And even if I did tell somebody, they would probably think, like you did, that it's all just because I'm a teenager. I don't think anyone can help me. I am beyond help. I feel so guilty, so ashamed, so scared. There has already been too much pain and suffering in my life. Why can't I be normal?

In reply to:And even if I did tell somebody, they would probably think, like you did, that it's all just because I'm a teenager. I only thought that because i didn't know all the facts! If you told someone exactly what had happened to you over the last couple of years, they wouldnt' think it was down to being a teenager. In reply to: And as for my GP, he isn't allowed to work anymore, after he exposed himself to a patient and had a sexual relationship with another patient. WOAH definitley don't go to him then!!!!! In reply to: I wouldn't want to be put on drugs. I hate being "drugged up". I already take pills for Insomnia Well i never felt 'drugged up' when i was taking medication for my depression, and as for the insomnia, do you think it could have something to do with your depression and nightmares? In reply to: Everyday it gets worse. I am all alone. How can I ever get help when I can't trust anybody, and have no one to turn to? You definitley sound like you feel all alone, but you made a good step in posting on here, you will find out your not alone in how your feeling. Do you have no good friends, or adults in your life who you could talk to? You HAVE to talk to someone. I know its hard to trust people, and i would expect it would be easier to trust a professional counceller, since they will have the patient confidentiality thing going on, rather than someone you know who ' could ' tell your parents! In reply to:I hate talking about my problems to people, even my friends. I get really embarrassed. That may be so, but whats a bit of embarrassment compared to the way you are feeling now? I don't get it, you have nothing to be embarrassed about, yes bad things have happened, but you didn't instigate them, they were done TO you, so you have no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed of what happened and how you are feeling. In reply to: I don't think anyone can help me. I am beyond help. I feel so guilty, so ashamed, so scared. There has already been too much pain and suffering in my life. Why can't I be normal? you are normal - you havn't got 2 heads do you???? your just a girl with problems, we all have them, your not abnormal in any way! You are not beyond help in any way, but, you have to be willing to be helped. There is no reason for you to feel ashamed, or guilty, but scared i can relate to - you know deep down inside, you HAVE to deal with this - and that it will be hard.

I forgot to say..........In reply to: He was a really good doctor and I trusted him. That just prooves that you can't trust anybody. No that just proves you couldn't trust HIM! not everyone is untrustworthy hon hugs

I have very good friends, but sometimes I feel alone even when I'm with them... Like I don't fit. Other times, we'll be laughing and everything will be normal. And then other times, I'll be with them and going through the 'manic' period.. I'll feel on top of the world and out of control.. I don't think my friends think this is unusual because a few of them are rather 'hyperactive' themselves. But anyway, what can my friends do? They're not adults. I really don't see how anyone can help me, without my parents finding out. How am I suppose to get help? I feel lost, confused, numb... I don't know anything that i can say or do that will make things better! I seem to be going round in circles... Suffering... Wanting things to change... Not knowing what to do.. ~AngelWitch~ do you have msn? I would feel more comfortable talking with you in private. You seem so nice, so caring... But how do i know who to trust? Everyone seems to be against me.

Trusting people IS very hard, especially when you have been let down by people in the past. There isn't any magic thing to do or say that will help unfortunalty, its a case of the only person who can help you, is you! you have to make the decision on what you do now, IF you do anything at all, who you tell, IF you tell anyone etc. I do have MSN, the details for it are on my profile, please use my email address anytime you need to chat, and I will try and catch you on MSN....... In reply to: I have very good friends, but sometimes I feel alone even when I'm with them I have a partner and 3 young children and the house is often a riot of noise etc, but i sometimes feel lonely - I think everyone does at one stage or another. No one is against you, well not from what you have said anyway, it just feels like that at the moment. You say how can you get help without your parents finding out, but if you have a bi-polar condition it would need to be sorted, and woudln't they find out then?Where abouts in the world are you by the way? surely there is somewhere for young people to go to get advice or to just speak to someone in your area/region? I would think there are a lot of people out there who can't talk to their parents about things, they must turn to someone somewhere! Maybe the others on the boards can come up with something.You are not alone, there are some good people on here, that will listen, and support you, if you need to use them, post how you feel.

I know I have to make a decision, but right now even making small, unimportant decisions are way too hard. I know I have to do something, I just don't know what. The depression/bipolar has gotten worse lately, now I'm having trouble concentrating and remembering things, and I'm crying myself to sleep a lot. The insomnia pills don't work. I just wish I had a family member who I could turn to, but there is no one I feel comfortable talking to.

not having anyone in your family you can turn to must be so hard, is there no one outside your family you can speak to, a good teacher etc?
As for decisions hon, some decisions are the hardest you will ever make, but often they are the ones that have the biggest impact on your life, and tho you will go through a lot of hurt, worry, stress or be scared about making them, and whether they are the right ones, if you do what you beleive is right, you will usually look back and see that that one decision set in motion lots of events that eventually made your life so much better. Start by making little decisions hon, when your depressed EVERYTHING seems a lot bigger and much harder than it really is.
You must be hurting and scared - but know you can post on here anytime, and that people care \*big hugs\*

No... I mean, there are a few teachers who I "trust", but whenever I tell an adult something personal, I get really embarrassed and whenever I see them around I just get so tense. I just sent you a PM.

I understand that you get embarrassed hon, however, i don't beleive as adults WE do, if you know what I mean. Tho you feel all embarrassed, i would imagine that the adult/teacher, wouldn't feel that way, more like worried and concerned, or glad they could help. If someone told you something personal, would you laugh about them, or to them? no, I very much doubt that the adult/teacher would do that, so why be embarrassed. Us 'growd ups' see things very differently from 'young adults'. I am a scout leader, and have a contact with a wide range of young adults from 6 years old to 17-18 year old young leaders, and believe me they have told me some pretty heavy stuff (my young leader isn't sure whether he is gay or not, one young lad thinks he might have a drink problem etc) we have a laugh about things together, but I am not laughing at them, and i am mortified if they are embarrassed with me (tho saying that not many are cos im kinda a 'say what i think' person ) I am sure there is an adult you come into contact with that you can talk to, who you can trust, and don't be embarrassed, there is no need to be, just tell it like it is its the only way things will change hugs

I know that adults wouldn't be laughing at me, it's the just how I feel. And no, there is absolutely no one I can talk to... I'll just have to deal with it on my own I guess. I've dealt wth everything else on my own, so how hard can this be? It's it's still the same when I move out and get my own place, then I'll see a doc. I just needed to know whether you guys thought I had it or not.

You sound convinced you have bi-polar, personally i would put the way your feel down to depression and where you are in life at the minute - but thats just me - if you feel you have a bi-polar (often known as manic depression) condition then you have to see a doctor, and yes that probably means telling your parents you need to see a doc.Oh and how hard can it be to get yourself ' out ' of a depressive state - it can be VERY hard without help.

I have just read my post about embarrasment, jeez that came across patronising didn't it chuckle didn't mean it to, its one of those days today nothing seems to be coming out right sigh

If you haven't already, take a look at this site here and work through the symptoms. If you feel that you fit the profile then visit your doctor whom I am sure will be able to help you.http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm Hopefully all of this information should put your mind at rest or at least arm you with the knowledge to take the next step.