What should I do

---

Alright, well im probably not going about this right but i'll throw it out there anyways. Im not really depressed like cutting my wrists or anything. Im not the type of kid who has no friends a physical handicap or a crumby homelife. But on the other hand im not the super cool kid who can walk around and get acknowledged just for being me. I realize that people have it worse than me and my mom tells me that look at how much I have going for me, In a way she's right. We're well off, im smart play basketball for the highschool and im not a total loner. But I used to but no longer have a tight circle of friends and have lost many close contacts. I can walk with my circles of people (jocks, preps, gangsters, nerds, laidback kids etc.) but i just feel like because im not totally in one circle and don't have an established group anymore that im just another head in the crowd. Im not looking to be class president but i really feel lost in my own life sometimes. Too much actually. I see all of these kids especially now in the spring with girlfriends and im really lacking in that department.

I Know this is prolly alot of crap you guys have heard 1000 times and i Have spelled words wrong but Im not sure what to do. My mom has chalked it up to being a teenager. I realize that i dont have it really bad and can regognize that I do have good health and I consider myself atleast somewhat good looking at worst. I just feel like my personality is holding me back from developing close bonds and relationships with girls. I worry constantly about making my basketball team in the Winter and if im not working on my basketball I worry and lose sleep.

Another thing that seems to happen alot is I do not necesarily on purpose pick an event and wait til it takes place or is going to take place to be happy. It sounds weird but im serious like I say "oh when I get my lisecence" or whan school is over or summer vacation or this weekend. Doesnt matter but all that time in between seems like nothing but when you add it all up its really alot of time.

I guess I really dont have serious beef with anyone in my school or anything but I feel like im just a minor character in the whole story. WHich would be alright if it was the story of the school but its the story of MY Life.

So the main points im trying to look for help on are up there if you can take the time to read it and respond I would really appreciate but if I were you I prolly wouldnt bother with some kid you don't know who you'll prolly never see anyways. But im hopeful that some people will.

EDit: another thing I feel like sometimes i'd rather just fall back into the background and not really become involved in anything at school for some reason. Just more info.

anyone? im kind of begging

I haven't got time just now to make a proper response, but it sounds like you don't have much self-confidence and you don't want to commit yourself to definite decisions, definite courses of action, anything definite that says "This is me".I can relate to that very much - however, it's important to stick your neck out and make decisions and do things and take responsibility. People who don't, end up with other people running their lives, lives that are usually pretty unhappy.

Well Im glad you took the time to respond. I guess that makes sense. I guess I am overly concerned with what other people think of me. I agree with what you said about definite choices but I really don't know how to go about it. Do i need medical help?

I can't tell if medical help or some other therapy would be useful, Paul - I don't feel I know you well enough. It might be a good idea to talk to a counsellor, if possible, and get the counsellor's opinion. A lot of people have this problem. All that may be required is for you to push yourself out of your comfort zone and consciously make an effort to stand up for yourself. If that turns out to be too difficult then some support might be needed.It's a temptation to me, too, to always go along with the easy path, and wait for other people to make decisions for me. The example of where that can lead to for me is my late mother-in-law. She lived for forty-something years in a marriage she hated, in a house she hated, but she never did anything to change anything. She complained all the time, except when she was talking to people who could change things: then she kept quiet because she "didn't want to rock the boat". It meant that other people made the decisions in her life. Every so often she would revolt against it, but always by blocking someone's plan, never by doing anything positive. It was sad.