I would like to start off by saying hello to everybody here. I'm a new member and this is my first post. I'm 18, from IN, just graduated high school and entering college in around a month or so's time.Well, the very reason I registered on this website was my apparent fear of talking about certain things with anyone. Since early childhood, I've been a person confined in my own self. I've never been a people's person and I the time I made my first couple of friends was about 2 years ago in 10th grade. They were both boys and girls and maybe according to what I've always learnt from my parents, I never felt attracted to any of the people I had started making friends with.. ever.During the school's summer break a year ago, I had certain configuration problems with my computer. From a particular site, I was directed to joining an IRC channel and talk to a particular guy regarding that problem. Apart from getting my query resolved, I started exploring new dimentions in that land. I met a lot of people online and made friends with them. The frequency and duration of my visits on this particular channel increased day by day and I almost got hooked up to say the least. At one point of time, 'online conversations' had become my only way of socializing. I would neglect everything, including studies to be the most valueable member of this 'online-family' I was becoming a part of. I lost apetite, weight, and my imagination took control of me. I realised where this was leading to when it was too late and I literally failed one of my papers in the mid-terms. I decided to change things and forced myself to get back to the person that I used to be. It was hard in the beginning, always worrying about how my closest ever friends were doing, and if everything with them was alright. I would pay the place occasional visits and regret my decision only afterwards. I got everything back on track after some months with my school-work and things were back to normal.I am a very caring and affectionate person at heart (which I noticed very recently). The worry of how my they were doing pulled me back again, and I made a decision to cut this list short to two or three people I am really close to, as there was an urgent need to be selfish at this point of time.Its continued since then and I've been a very close friend to both of them. There was never a time when I would not be wondering what they were up to. One day, Travis left town and lost internet access. I was sad at his absence but it subsided every time I talked to Y ania. We were close friends as ever but since around some last months, I started thinking beyond this particular line we know as friendship. I really started to think about her ALL the time, and there was nothing I could do. I had not even touched her, it was only a mental picture of her formed from the pictures of her and all the talking we had done. I had fallen in love with a person my own mind had created and it started to take over me completely.Its been almost a month now since I've locked this side of the brain, and I would have to say its pretty much worked. I am a person with a strong will power and one who can only do one thing at a time. I've chosen reality.I want to get people's opinion on this and if this is beyond the sphere of what is usually considered 'normal'.Thank You
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Is it Normal?
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Yes it's normal, and very common. Just because you've never physically met the individual doesn't mean you can't have feelings for them. You can know just as much typing as you can speaking to one another. How does she feel about you?
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I agree with your first sentence, but I don't agree with your second. Sometimes you can be very surprised when you actually meet the person. This is not to say that you can't meet someone great on the Internet. But the person at the other end is a fantasy until you meet. And if there's no way you will ever meet, it can interfere with forming real-life relationships.To Extranatural, "normal" is not the issue. It really doesn't matter who thinks what is normal. The question is, is your virtual relationship doing more good than harm? Does it keep you from doing the things you need to do, like eating, sleeping, and school work? Does it interfere with your ability to form relationships with in-the-flesh people? If the answer to those questions is "no", then there is no problem.
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I wish it were 'no' Steve. That was THE problem until I had to enforce massive changes. Online relationships, as you said, are based usually about your head playing the part of the both the people.. nothing greater than fantasy. I agree with you, it does interfere with real-life relationships.In reply to: You can know just as much typing as you can speaking to one another. How does she feel about you? Remember your own 'Two-ladder' theory? I'm currently way on top of the friendship ladder, and I don't think its in any way switchable. She thinks of me as a great friend, AND, she's (since last two months) in a very serious relationship with someone who also happens to be an online-friend. You can understand my position now, can't you? hehe. Its tough.
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> she's (since last two months) in a very serious relationship with someone
That pretty well clinches it. If she's a caring person, I'm sure she'd like for you to move on emotionally.
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I concur and if you're on the friend ladder at all, then forget about it buddy. You really never know what ladder you're on though untill they let you know. Anyway, just make some real people relationships, I bet it's easier than you think. Just don't sweat it so much and just try to go with the flow of the situation with the individual. I can tell that you are a smart guy and probably overanalyze things too much. Just sit back, relax and take in the moment. Good Luck and Good Times Friend
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Thanks guys