• J
    JCC

    • For his peace of mind, not mine...

    posted in Cancer read more
  • J
    JCC

    You're right, it's a horrible way to die - it was a long drawn out process of a slow shutdown, which was not nice for me to watch - it seems no one seems to know the exact answer to this question I asked regarding the fluid upon death - I hope someone reads this who knows what it is...For my peace of mind, I would hate to think my dad knew what was happening in his final minutes of life...

    posted in Cancer read more
  • J
    JCC

    Hello, (this is quite a gruesome topic, so don't read if you are easily upset.)It's been about a year and a half since my last post - in brief the last one was a question about kidney cancer involving my father - who 5 weeks ago passed away from this hideous disease.( http://www.afraidtoask.com/forums/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/308804/page/1#Post308804 )---Anyway - long story short, I am here to ask if anyone else has had a friend/or family member pass away from KIDNEY FAILURE due to cancer/any other disease/cause.I have been looking around on the internet trying to find information I need but it's not proving so helpful.I'm trying to find out for my own peace of mind what happens to someone's body when it shuts down due to Renal Failure.The end was not particularly nice for my dear old dad, being far too young at only 61 - he was in quite alot of pain while passing urine, and even though he was in a comatose state, he would awake during urination, open his eyes in absolute AGONY and try to pull out his catheter - but would not speak, which was very upsetting for me and the rest of the family.I have most the understanding I need for acceptance on this subject apart from one thing which has confused me and my family since he died, (we were there at the moment of passing)Upon death, his eye's opened, and "something" (being a fluid) came from his mouth, and I don't mean a little bit of red blood, this was a brown liquid, and I am talking alot of it - if I were to approximate, I would say roughly one pint or more...and it came in waves, every 5 or so seconds apart - this was THE worst part of the whole ordeal as it made the whole thing almost into a horror movie - does anyone know what this was, and what caused it?I can only assume, a hemorrhage - was it from the lungs? the bowels? I don't know...We were there for 5 days solid until he finally died.If anyone can help me on this it would be much appreciated. If you know someone it happened to, etc.

    posted in Cancer read more
  • J
    JCC

    I believe your topic is true mate totally, I infact have ended up much like my father, so has my brother, my best mate is also like his dad... maybe it's something to do with growing up, just like infant animals follow their parents in the wild.. who knows?!I have some rather boring post on the "relationship" forum about my ex gf, and she turned into her mother totally, probably why we split... so I think so yeah...But now you've read that thinking "aargh" my own mum isn't anything like her mum, because of meeting my dad.... so, with the right circumstances.. not so true

    posted in Relationships read more
  • J
    JCC

    In my experiences with previous girlfriends, you don't even need to ask the "question" of whether you are together, all of a sudden you will just find it happens without saying a word.People may have different opinions on that though.

    posted in Relationships read more
  • J
    JCC

    Yeah, he also has one other "secondary" on his lung too...Apparently chemo is not an option because it's inside the pancreas as opposed to growing on the outside of it, I think that's what was said, unless I heard it wrong.Yeah it went into metastasis, he was told after his initial operation, a MINUTE part of the tumour escaped into a near by vein... I guess that's why this has happened now?Either way... bleh! I guess we'll just have to hope time is on our side, and as it's a secondary it's not going to be as aggressive as first hand pancreatic cancer..I'm still waiting for a post from someone who ideally knows someone who had kidney cancer then a secondary in the pancreas, but I guess the chances of that are rather slim.

    posted in Cancer read more
  • J
    JCC

    Nope was just operated on, cut out and that was the end of it... apparently he can't have chemo on this one on the pancreas though, only pills that can be given to "slow" the growth...Why do you ask?

    posted in Cancer read more
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    JCC

    Good reply adel!Well, I admit she is being ridiculously stupid over being engaged so soon, but I believe it's a rebound thing off me, I couldn't really explain much more in the original post as it would take FAR too long... essentially she was madly in love with me, would have done anything for me, but because I fell out with her mum she has had to meet someone new (I did dump her in the end cos thing's got so bad)We still speak, infact spoke alot today, but she shy's away from how she feels, always has done, since the day I met.. for instance if I go see her (even now) and say, what went wrong, let's talk and sort this out, she just say's as little as possible then ends up crying.. maybe she hurts because she wants me but doesn't think she can?I tried to get her to fight for her freedom, but in the end that's what killed the relationship.. not due to differences..

    posted in Relationships read more
  • J
    JCC

    Well the thing is, it already has returned once, and that ended up growing on his thigh, which was no problem at all... but obviously where it is now is not so good...I guess in the end it will always get you one way or another!

    posted in Cancer read more
  • J
    JCC

    So, my dad had cancer of the Kidney 12 years ago.. operated on, recovered, all fine...Yearly full body scans to check for it's return, all been clear up until 2 weeks ago, detected it in his pancreas..I know for a fact pancreatic cancer has a VERY bleak outcome (2% chance of surviving 5 years) as my dad's best friend had it and died from it within 2 years...The only "positive" side to this is it is not directly pancreatic cancer, it is a secondary of his Kidney cancer, which was not a hugely aggressive tumour..Currently it is 2mm in size, and has grown 1mm in 1 year so far..(they had an eye on it, or something like that)He's being treated privately at the Royal Marsdon in London, which to my knowledge is one of the best places to be.. but even they have apparently said it can't be operated on even though it's very small, because it's inside or something.So what i'm asking is, has anyone here had any previous experience with this condition, whether it be you, family member, friend, someone you knew.. etc etc..I am not asking about pancreatic cancer, please only post if you know about secondary cancer within the pancreas..Thanks

    posted in Cancer read more
  • J
    JCC

    In addition:Of course I still want to be with her, I truly love her, and always have done...

    posted in Relationships read more
  • J
    JCC

    I used to read this Forum years ago, nice to see it's still going! But this is my first post.Hi to all..Apologies in advance for the length of this post...but any help will be much appreciated... I have spoken about this endlessly to my friends, but I think people from a 3rd person perspective could infact give better advice..The basics are:I am 23, she is 20.I met her 3 years ago.We split 8 months ago, but 3 months ago technically (this will become obvious why soon).Ok so we started dating, and everything was perfect as always with any new relationship.Age difference immediately played a part in the demise of this relationship, due to me working and her being at college...she had work to do which I was fine to be relaxed about as this was obviously very important...no problem there. I even helped her do it.However, after about a year of being together (she was 18 by this time) things started slowly going sour, unbeknown to me at the time her mother started telling her she could or couldn't see me... she had finished college by this time and I couldn't understand why she wouldn't be allowed to see me, I had been with her a year after all... But she lied to me all the time about it, pretending she was ill, or any excuse possible (car won't start, lost car keys...etc etc) to cover up not being allowed to see me. I tried to talk to her about how she felt about this, as she was an adult and so was I, I said this is about us...so nothing should really come in the way of it...anyway, in the end I ended up having an arguement with her mum over giving her daughter the freedom she deserved and that pretty much killed any chance of anything good coming out of it. She took her mobile from her, told her never to see me again.You may already have in your mind that it was just a joke from the start and we were just simply a bad match right? Wrong...me and her on a one to one basis in our private time had the best connectivity I think I've had with any of my previous girlfriends before this... always laughing, could tell each other anything, never a disagreement (unless it was about her mum letting her live her life), always flowing conversation, same opinions on life, and of course the intimate stuff...even after 2 and a half years, it was still as good as the day we met.Anyway, we lasted another 2 and a half years after this, but until we finally split in the end, I then found out her mum had absolutely no idea she was still dating me for any of that time, as far as she was concerned, when she took her mobile from her and changed her number, I was history... The reason we split in the end was because she still couldn't stay over mine that often because she would have to lie to her mum about me where she is and I grew tired of it and dumped her because it was impossible... this is what killed it because in my family we are hugely open and can discuss anything at the dinner table together...she was also welcomed by my family with open arms.Hopefully that gives a over view of what the relationship was about, but here's the thing I am struggling with... we split up and still spoke the next day, (and every day on for the next 8 months, and still speak now)However, she listened to her friends, who obviously only knew her side of the story, and ended up meeting (and sleeping with within 2 days) a new guy, who is in the Army, don't get the wrong impression, she's not slutty/easy and would sleep with anyone, but because of her upbringing with her family she has always been hugely insecure, and gave it away for free so she would get attention from the guys, she also did this with me...(she slept with guys when we split for a few weeks for the attention, she told me all she ever needed was to be loved).Ok he went back to Iraq and they talked for the next 5 months via the Internet/phone (I had no idea at this point) and I was fighting to get her back and put things right, we talked every day still, and met up probably 2 times a week or more, she spent the next 5 months deciding who she wanted to be with, and in the end the time came for him to come back (I found out 2 months before he was back) and well, they got together..and I stopped speaking to her for a while, to get over her...The problem I have is:I care for her so much, and have done so much for her, and to help her through hard times.She has told one of my close friends "in confidence" she still wishes she was with me.If I don't text her, she text's me.She told me I was the one she always imagined she would be with.She told me to my face last week she isn't over me and still loves me (and then started crying).She has kept everything I ever gave her, or wrote to her.We still get on brilliantly, but only when we meet up.It's definately true love I feel for her, I've had many gf's before her...but this was far different. I'm not that young, nor naive.Despite being a little insecure (who isn't?) and even bad to me at times, I still took it, brushed it off and did my best because I care.Truthfully I think in the end she thought things would work out and she'd somehow never have to face up to her mum about being in love/a relationship with me.Only to find she's just got engaged last Thursday (Valentine's Day) after being with him for just under 3 months... and it is killing me, I've been with this girl through so much, important birthdays, family member dying on her side (I was there for her through it all) and loads of other stuff... and at the end of the day it's not because of indifferences between us, it's just because of a simple thing, her family... I could understand if it was because we simply did not get on, but we do, so well... and ALWAYS have done..I love this girl with all my heart, and have had to see her not only meet someone new, but get engaged...she even admitted she regretted not getting back with me, she just couldn't tell her own mum who she loved.. I'm fairly sure her problem is being weak and can't say no, and just does what's easiest to avoid arguement (that may sound stupid but remember I've known her 3 years)I have also dated a few girls after this, but in truth, none have come even close to her.. (despite the flaws)I know it's easy to say walk away, forget her, find someone new, but there is something special there, and it's always been there even through the worst times....even now.The worst thing is this guy is only 19 years old, and I don't want to see her hurt by him, I know people who know him, and they've all said he's a bit of an idiot. And to get engaged after 3 months is surely just crazy? I was with her 3 YEARS and I didn't ask her that...She admits she loves him, but still isn't what she ever wanted from me...To me (and probably most other people) engagement is something very serious, but perhaps to these two it's just "a cool" thing to do? I thought she was intelligent...Which is why this has been such a hard thing, and a sad story.. What do I do? I can't just stop caring....Any comments would be welcome, thanks for reading...

    posted in Relationships read more