well I moved down here because i have school here. I just started Art institute of San Diego and i cannot miss anyclasses. however, i am flying up friday (tomorrow) and driving back sunday. So it gives us atleast SOME time to be together, other then that, i cant. I want to, i really do, but i cant keep doing that cuz i really dont have that much money o keep doing it. She's the love of my life and i hate knowing that shes having such a hard time abd the fact that i dont know how to comfort her doesnt help much...any suggestions for ways to comfort her? Im desperate.....
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G/f's dad has cancer...
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**To be honest hon, when i have had the crisis' in my life, and felt everything had gone black, all i wanted was a hug, someone to hold me as i fell asleep, and who was there when i woke up, someone to listen to me, without trying to find a solution, or give me advise that i didn't want or need. Just being there with her will be a huge thing, just hold her when she needs it, be prepared to listen and even cry with her...........you're already doing what she needs, you are there for her. **
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"any suggestions for ways to comfort her?"This responce may be to late but I'm posting it anyway, for the general good of humanity. If I sound harsh please excuse, it's not necessarily directed at you but at modern American society or lack there of. Fuck this shit of "I've got work" or "I've got school" or any other preceived societal importance. This is the biggest load of bullshit America (sorry, the United States) has produced. The idea that nothing is more important than work or school, what fucking bullshit!The person you care about is going through one of the most tramatic expereinces in life. Get your typical american goal minded, success oriented ass out of the school building and to where ever she is. SHE NEEDS YOU!Tell your teachers whats going on and "Sorry but I gotta go. This is one of those thing thats beyond my control." If your teachers say no, then you deal with the consequences. Life isn't fair, but that doesn't excuss you from doing whats right. And, like it or not you know what the right thing is, so quit trying to find a way out of it, like corprate american wants you to do.As far as your teachers, when you get back, if they're giving you to much shit, take it up with the dean, the headmaster or any governing board over them. If nothing else at least they'll have to take time to answer. The fuckheads.Like I said, this isn't all directed at you. I don't know all the factors involved. All I know is, I have to go through this several times a year with my boss, because work always, always take second place to humanity! At least in my book. The bastard (my boss) actually told a co-worker that he didn't think it was the best time to take off, the co-worker's aunt died, so the dumb shit co-worker didn't go. What a stupid ass, bet his family thinks a lot of him...and I'll guarantee the boss doesn't even remember it. Do like I do, don't ask to get off for whatever, you tell them your leaving for whatever, be it someone in the hospital or in the funeral home.Don't mean to flame on you but I see this as a continuing trend in U.S. society and it just makes me sick. I guess, what the say is true, americans value the dollar more than human life.Sorry, but this is just wrong.If it's simply that you can't afford it. Then I feel for you and pray for ya, that you can find a way to make it work. Again I'm just assuming but you'll be suprised what you can do without. I just hope you can find away to be there with her. She really does need you. If money is still holding you back do the best you can and no one can ask anymore and you have my respect.Best Wishes for you and your loved ones.
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The sentiments are nice, but what do you expect Caliguys parents to do? Tell his school that he won't be in for a while, put him on a plane and send him to live with his GF so that he can comfort her?You are right in that family should come first, the situation is not the same here.
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Caliguy said "as in hes going to die within a week..."
If this is the situation than, sorry, but yes. Make the effort. I realize this sounds bad, but if he lingers to long then you come home. I just believe that anyone should try and be there as the end nears and for whatever comes afterword. If this girl is someone he cares about, reading marry or whatever, then yes get out of college. Just about any school will let you out for two weeks if your getting married, at least thats been my experience, why not if someone is dieing.
Corporate america, generally, fronds on you ever taking off for any death or dieing unless it is your immeditate family. Sorry but that's just bullshit, I'm far closer to my cousin (& best friend) than I am my step-sister, but do to titles modern america is goiong to look down on me for leaving work when he nearly kills himself in a car wreck, but it's hunky doory if I leave because of her. We as a "humaine" society have to put the dollar in the back seat and put the human first again. I guess the point I am sloppaly trying to make is that if someone you care about needs you than you should be there or make every possible effort. I'm not saying ignore your responsibilites to work or school, but rather you find a way to make it work.
I admit to being in the minority but this is the way I believe it should work.
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In reply to your comment, It's fairly easy to get days off school, that's not a problem at all. I Just dont have the money to get there. If i had the money, id be there in a heartbeat, no doubt about it! Shes the love of my life and i feel so worthless not having a way to see her in her time of need.
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No reason to fill worthless if you can't, you can't. The point I was trying to make is that people should think more about whats important and put their priorities in line. It sounds like you want to do the right thing and like I said "If money is still holding you back do the best you can and no one can ask anymore and you have my respect."This is not directed at you CaliGuy, (I have no idea what your situation is, nor is it any of my business, this is just put out there to the general reader who's priorities are screwed up. Like locally, the mother who drove her kids into high water because school is soooo important and she didn't want to ruin their perfect attendance and ended up killing them all.) but there are a lot of people who use lack of funds as an excuss for their priorities being different than what they state. They'll say they can't make it do to lack of money yet they still go eat lunch at Panera everyday and end the evening with a fifteen dollar tab at starbucks every night. They could make it if they really wanted to. A loaf-of-bread-and-ring-of-red insteand of Panera's and Starbucks they could probably do it. Can a credit card payment be held off for a month. There's a myriad fo ways to get buy for a couple of weeks or a month. For those people it's not a question of "I can't afford it", which is what they claim, it's, "I don't want to have to sacrifice or put myself out, to be there." It just seems to me that a lot of people in this country have their priorities screwed up, but maybe that because I'm from a tiny town in the middle of no where and from a somewhat different culture.Again like I said if you have done all you can then no one can ask anymore of you and you have no reason to feel worthless. Let me add, that no ones opinion matters here, least of all mine, but in the future when you look back on this "serious relationship" will you be satisfied with yourself that you did all you could to be there for someone you cared about. It sounds to me like you will but only you know that for sure.Best wishes, in this hard and heart breaking time. I know it's awful to see someone you care about hurting so bad and not be able to help them. Hang in there and give your lady the shoulder she needs even if its thru the phone.
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I know how you're girlfriend feels sweetie, all she needs right now is to know that you're there for her no matter what happens. About a two years ago the doctors told my mum that she may have lung cancer and that was the day my entire world crumbled. I remember she had a doctors appointment because she had been really sick and that she told me that when I came home from school (I was a senior in high school at the time) she'd tell me how it went. Of course I was worried (who wouldn't be) because as long as I can remember my mum has been sick (she has a very weak immune system which makes her body basically useless at fighting any "bug" thats flying around and it's been that way all her life). When she broke the news to me all I could do curl up beside her on my parent's bed and cry. It's a very scary thinking that you could lose someone you love so much. The doctors said that is could be lung cancer but then agian it may not be. Just that small posibility is enough to drive you over the edge. I didn't want comforting words, I just wanted someone to hold me while I cried, I wanted someone to listen to me when I needed to talk, just someone to lean on for support (thats something I found in a really good friend of mine). In my mum's case we were lucky because it turned out she did not have it but I know it's only a matter of time because she smokes all the time. I know this may not help you out, but I'm trying to let you know how it feels to be in that position. Do what you can and don't beat yourself up over the things you can't. Just let her know that you'll be there for her when she needs you because thats all she really needs right now. Good luck my friend ^_^
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Shit....Well.....i dont know what to say.....Today was the day. He passed away today and I called my girlfriend up.....she was balling. I Cant take it! I hate hearing her cry but i know its what she NEEDS to do right now. She NEEDS to let it all come out. I want to be with her, im broke. I dont have a credit card and my bank account only has 20 bucks in it. I feel soo horrible right now. I want to help her so bad, i want to be there for her!!!!! Im not crying, but tearing up because i know shes going threw an impossible time. I dont know HOW she feels, but I know what its like to lose someone you love (i lost my grandfather, who was i consider to be my real dad cuz he helped my mom raise us). I know ill never know how she really feels about this and i accept it but i feel so helpless. I told her all i could think of. "Stay strong baby, i love you. Im here for you and i always will be, if you need someone to talk to, please call me, even if you have notihng to say, ill be a phone call away" I was looking up bible verses but havent came across any yet. Shes not completely religious, but i know deep down she still believes even if she doesnt want to admit it. This is so hard for her i cant stand it!!!!
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So sorry for the both of you. Be strong for her and give her your shoulder to lean on, as you have been doing. It will get better.