Always Worried If Somebody Is Gay

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Yes.

My original intent was to let this go, but I can't. It's been bugging me for the past 24.Steve, my original reaction to your posts was feeling like you were being a bit harsh or antagonistic or skeptical or something. That bothered me. But then I wondered if maybe I felt that way just becauese it was you. That's not fair. So now I'm wondering if maybe your being so succinct and cryptic has caused me to totally misread you altoghether. So I guess my question is, what are you getting at? Trying to say/ask?

A few different ideas are being discussed in this thread. If you're referring to the "unalloyed horrifying experience" statement, I'm trying to say that sometimes the body acts in automatic ways, and even if a sexual assault is an unwelcome, horrifying thing, the victim might feel some gratification or pleasure during the assault. That can lead to great confusion and feelings of guilt.Of course that doesn't make the rape any less repugnant.

Thanks for replying, Steve. I was hoping that's what you were getting at. Yeah...the body sure the hell has a way of doing what the body does. And I don't even know if I would classify it as "gratification" or "pleasure"...maybe...I dunno...But it's purely physical. And still horrendous. Fact is, I did have an orgasm, and that did add to the guilt and confusion, although it was only a small part of the total equation.

It may sound simple minded, and it might not help, but I'll say it any way: It was not your fault. Not at all. The experience in no way makes you a worse or less valuable person. You were a victim just as you would be if you were hit by a car or shot.

Thanks. Yeah, I finally realized that if I didn't want it before it happened, didn't want it while it was happening, and didn't want it after it happened...that means I didn't want it...ergo, not my fault. It took a compassionate counselor and my New Warriors group to get me to that point - finally.

Damien, sounds like you are getting things dealt with in your head. That is a big task, but your on the road to recovery. Hopefully, you can overcome the situation and move on with your life.

To the original poster. People have many reasons that they speak out for or against homosexuality, bisexuality, or sexuality other than they are comfortable with. The important thing for you to do is know how you want to deal with your own thoughts. You should address them in a productive way. You may or may not agree with someone's life style/choices/needs but you can deal with how you react when they do not match with your own. You should avoid reacting in the manner these fellows do. Either you need to keep silent or make your argument to the individual you have the difference with. It is never right to talk about folks behind their backs or make fun of them in any manner. Two people will normally never agree on everything. You have to decide if you can deal with the differences and keep the individual as an friend or not. Sometimes you just have to say so long because the differences are too great and you cannot deal or they cannot deal with the situation. You also need to take care that you do not provide an opportunity for others to pull you into their harrasement/teasing/making fun/judgeing of others. Some simple words of I wouldn't appreciate others talking about me in those terms, so I choose not to talk about them in this manner either are often enough to quash the problem.

Very Nice post!

I agree. Good words....and thanks.